


Warm

by iL0Vsuperman



Series: Building a Superfamily [3]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Attempted Murder, Betrayal, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Hurt, Feels, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Iron Man 3 Spoilers, Kid Fic, Kid Peter Parker, Kidnapping, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, M/M, Memory Issues, Natasha isn't putting up with this BS, Parent Steve Rogers, Past Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Past Relationship(s), Reconciliation, Relationship Problems, Relationship(s), SHIELD, Sad, Stony - Freeform, Stucky - Freeform, Superfamily, Superfamily (Marvel), Superhusbands, Superhusbands (Marvel), Terrorism, buckynat - Freeform, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:39:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 57,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2395394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iL0Vsuperman/pseuds/iL0Vsuperman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers had fallen in love with his best friend in an era which outlawed such relationships, so he smothered it and pretended he did not love Bucky.<br/>Nearly a century later, in a new world and with a new best friend, Steve found himself falling in love again but this time he did not smother it but embraced it.<br/>Everything seemed to be falling perfectly into place. His son, Peter, was happy and healthy. He loved Tony. For the first time in his life, he saw a bright future laid out for himself…until a madman tried to kill his son. </p><p>In the fight to protect Peter, he found out Bucky had been shadowing him since the fall of the helicarriers. Bucky saved their lives and confessed to loving Steve. He kissed Steve and the smothered feelings he pretended did not exist came to life with frightening clarity. </p><p>Steve was in love with Tony and, no matter how much he wanted to deny it, he also loved Bucky. </p><p>As Steve deals with his emotional turmoil, another supervillain comes into the picture and divides the Avengers across the globe.</p><p>It is just as Steve is coming to grips with who he truly wants, tragedy strikes and his entire world crumbles around him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the Building a Superfamily series, Part 1 is the foundation, Part 2 is the first building blocks, and Part 3 shall be the hurricane that threatens to destroy the entire structure.
> 
> After the initial reaction to the end of Part 2, I added more to my end note to chapter 7, and as I said there, there is going to be hurt on all sides in Part 3. For those of you who have been following and have yet to see the updated version of the end note, I encourage you to read it.  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy...
> 
>  
> 
> \---  
> There are two other Parts to this story, I go over the basics of what happened in the content of Part 3... 
> 
> If you want to know what happened but you don't want to read them, here's the super summarized, SPOILERS version:  
> Part 1:  
> ~~Takes place a few months after the events of Captain America 2, Steve is depressed. He's called into SHIELD and thinks it's for a mission but it is actually so Agent Hill can sit him down to tell him when he was frozen the Hydra agents in SHIELD took part in his extraction from the ice. Hydra tried to recreate a super soldier and with Steve's sperm is able to impregnate several women, in the end, only one baby survives. The boy is without a doubt Steve's son and Hydra doused him with gamma-radiated spider DNA to make him stronger than Steve. Agent Hill asks Steve if he wants to see him to which Steve says yes. When he sees his son, he instantly is smitten... and that's the foundation for Building a Superfamily series!~~  
> Part 2:  
> ~~Steve and Peter moving into the tower. The Avengers become Peter's Aunts and Uncles. Steve also involves Ben and May Parker, Peter's only living relatives on his mother's side, in Peter's life. Mostly it is the development of Steve and Tony's relationship. They start off friends and eventually begin to date. It ends with Bucky saving Steve and the summary of Part 3 ~~

“SHIELD has yet to comment about the incident in Central Park but the countless civilian videos—.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, strengthening his glare, and signaling to Clint to change the channel again.

“—eve Rogers is a daddy!”

Clint swiftly hit the button before Steve could twitch.

“Professor Mason, from the Smithsonian, has confirmed that it was in fact Sergeant James Barnes—.”

Natasha reached over and pressed the power button on the remote, turning off the television. She murmured, “Perhaps it would be best to not watch TV for a while.”

Steve grunted in agreement.

Silence formed between the Avengers. The only sound that could be heard was the beeping of Steve’s heart monitor and the slight hum from the lights overhead.

Steve lay in a hospital bed with his son nestled into his side, sleeping soundly. Tony sat in the chair by the bed, gripping Steve’s hand tightly and the rest of the team surrounded the bed in an odd half circle. Clint leaned on Tony’s chair twirling the remote in his hand. Natasha stood half a foot from him with her arms crossed over her chest and her gaze shifting from the door and Steve repeatedly. At the foot of the bed, stood Thor, gripping his hammer and eyeing Steve’s injuries critically. On the other side of the bed sat Dr. Banner, sitting in the only other chair, looking haggard and sad.

“…Steve, can you let me hold Peter so the doctors can get a look at you?” Bruce asked tentatively.

“Aye,” Thor murmured, “You have suffered egregious wounds, my friend.”

Tony’s grip tightened on his and Steve glanced guiltily at his boyfriend then refocused his gaze on the toddler sleeping in his arms.

Tony had been hinting Steve let the doctors look at him ever since they arrived at SHIELD medical. They got him as far as the bed in the medical unit before he started to refuse treatment. Treatment would mean Peter would have to leave his arms and that was the last thing that was going to happen.

Both Tony and Peter had already been cleared. Tony had a few scrapes and bruises and Peter was relatively unaffected but that was probably because he had inherited Steve’s healing factor.

For a second, Steve reflected on the moment he learned about his son’s healing factor, only hours prior.

_The bullets in his legs and side felt like they were molten rocks, burning their way into his flesh. Peter felt fragile as glass in the shelter of his arms but the cut on his cheek healed in seconds attesting to his near invulnerability. Steve watched his son’s skin seal itself with both horror and fascination._

Steve tightened his hold on Peter and his right shoulder twinged with a burning pain that flared with the sudden moment and his head spun from the slight movement. He still had bullets in his flesh. He gritted his teeth as his wounds reopened and his head began to pound more furiously. Tony’s frown deepened when he saw Steve’s pain.

“Okay,” Tony announced, getting to his feet. “You are no longer allowed to be a martyr. Give me Peter and let the doctors dig those bullets out of you or – _so help me_ – I will leave this carrier and announce to the world we are dating!”

Steve blanched then instantly cast his gaze back down to Peter. His mind was spinning from blood loss and he could not focus properly on his son.

Tony wouldn’t do it. It was an empty threat. He knew Steve wanted to avoid more attention from the media. It was bad enough when they found out one of the Avengers had a child. The Tower had been surrounded by reporters and none of them could leave the building without getting accosted by the media. Now that they knew Peter was his, he knew all their attentions will be focused on Steve and only Steve. He could not imagine what would happen if they found out he was gay too. He could see their numbers tripling, maybe even quadrupling...Then again, it might be too late to prevent that detail about himself from getting out.

He shivered as he remembered the feel of Bucky’s lips on him. He bit down on his tongue as the image of Bucky kissing him flashed before his eyes in multiple angles. It had been caught on various cameras and broadcasted on nearly all news outlets. It was one of the main sequences the news stations were playing. The news outlets were speculating his and Bucky's relationship and were wondering how long they had been together. Every time it came on the television, Tony's face became stony and unreadable.

Thinking of Tony, guilt coursed through him in a mighty wave. In the span of a few seconds, as he and Bucky kissed, Steve had felt something more than just a kiss from him.

The spinning in Steve’s head intermingled with the guilt and made him feel sick. He mutely handed his son to Tony and his boyfriend accepted him with a relieved sigh. Tony promised, “Peter and I will be right here this entire time, Steve…”

Bruce stepped outside and quickly ushered SHIELD’s doctors inside before Steve could change his mind.

The men and women in the white lab coats began to strip him of his ruined clothes and wipe away the blood. The Avengers mutely left to give him some privacy. Tony remained by his side like he promised and Peter continued to sleep in his arms, not waking from the exchange from Steve to Tony.

Steve avoided Tony’s gaze as he leaned back against the stretcher in only his boxers. He shamefully thought back the night prior when Tony had torn his boxers off him and they had sex for the first time. It felt like years ago now.

He did not know what Tony was thinking of all of this. He was silent about it and only spoke when inquiring about Steve’s health.

Steve was wrestling with these newfound realizations. He loved Tony _but_ he also loved Bucky. He had smothered the feelings when he was younger and never reflected on them much other than that they had existed. But Bucky’s declaration had brought them back out in a driving force.

Steve wanted to smother it again but could not. The feeling burned with a newborn intensity, aided by the knowledge that Bucky had similar feelings.

Steve wanted to scream out his frustrations until his throat was bloody and destroy something until his fists were useless. No matter how good it felt he did not want this, he did not want Bucky. He wanted Tony and _only_ Tony.

Tony misread his emotions and gently grasped his hand. He whispered, “…I would have never gone against your trust. I would not have told the media…”

Steve turned his head to the side, looking at the opposite wall instead of Tony. He could not let Tony see the conflicting emotions on his face. He was a genius. He would be able to clearly read what he was thinking.

No matter how much he fought it, he could not deny that he still loved Bucky.

They grew up together in the 1940s where even thinking of a homosexual relationship was frowned upon and the actual relationship was illegal. Steve always assumed his feelings were one-sided.

But Bucky kissed him.

Bucky called Steve, “ _Mine_.”

It was all Steve had ever wanted until…until he started to date Tony.

Tony was the only other man he was attracted to.

And Tony cared for Steve.

Unlike Bucky, Tony had kissed him multiple times, made love to him, and never ran away…

Tony wanted to build something real with Steve.

Tony knew that Bucky had been his first love. He had asked Steve if would leave Tony, if Bucky had come back proclaiming his love. But Steve had promised Tony that would ever happen.

Tony had been his best friend for years and he helped keep him together first after he woke, then after the Winter Soldier-Hydra fiasco, and then again with Peter. They had been best friends for years and Steve had been attracted to him for months and they had already dated for a few weeks but their compatibility was so great that Steve knew they were meant to be...

_But no matter how much he denied and did not want it, he wanted Bucky…_

Another wave of guilt washed over him and it was so strong that Steve shuddered.

“Do you need more painkillers?” One of the doctors asked.

“No,” Steve gasped. He barely felt them digging the bullets out of him. His emotional pain was stronger than his physical pain. He felt like his heart was being torn apart. He loved them both but could only have one. Both men were great in their own right.

Steve’s stomach curled its acid painfully in his stomach. He was comparing them in his mind without meaning to, as if looking for the best match. There was no contest. He was with Tony. Tony was his boyfriend. Steve cherished him and all he did for both him and Peter. It was Tony who was sitting by his side right now, not Bucky. It was Tony holding his son, not Bucky. It was Tony who had helped protect Peter, not Bucky. It was Tony who he loved and Bucky…Bucky was once his best friend and, ultimately, a different man than the one he remembered.

Nonetheless he could not help but reflect on his old feelings. The old Bucky was still in that damaged shell just as the old Steve was somewhere inside himself.

The doctors worked on him for about 30 minutes. Steve was silent throughout it. The last bullet to be removed was buried in his femur and its extraction was so painful he thought he might blackout. It was a blessed distraction from his warring thoughts.

He was given a hospital gown and new sheets which were pulled up to his chest.

Then the doctors left, leaving only Steve, Tony, and Peter in the room.

Steve stared at the ceiling, afraid to meet Tony’s eyes. He strangled the sheets beneath his grasp.

Tony gently laid Peter next to Steve and the toddler mumbled something in his sleep. Steve’s gaze was immediately drawn to his boy and he gently wrapped an arm around Peter, drawing him into his side. Tony placed a hand on Steve’s arm and Steve flinched.

Tony drew back his hand and Steve cautiously looked at him to see how he reacted. For a few seconds, he saw the forlorn expression he had been expecting but Tony quickly masked it behind one of indifference.

“What happened with Barnes?” Tony asked. Steve dropped his eyes and flushed with shame. Tony read him too easily.

“You saw,” he replied. “Bucky shot Ross then—then kissed me.”

“He also spoke to you…What’d he say to you?”

_I was always behind you, always watching. – I could not let that bastard kill you. You are mine._

“Nothing,” Steve replied and the lie seared his throat. He reiterated, “Nothing much. He pretty much told me not to follow him…”

“Then why did he kiss you?”

“…I don’t know,” Steve whispered, staring at his lap.

An unsettling silence stretched between them.

“What’s wr…” Tony paused with a frustrated huff and rephrased the question, “Why are you so distant right now? What’s going through your mind? Is it Bucky’s kiss? Are-Are you having second thoughts?”

Steve’s hand shot out and grasped Tony’s. Steve gasped, “I-I promised you that I would not leave you for Bucky.”

Tony smiled sadly and Steve saw the awareness dawn in his eyes. He slid his hand out of Steve’s and whispered, “But that was before Bucky kissed you.”

Steve opened his mouth to deny it but he could not raise his voice. He could not lie to him again. Steve’s eyes flickered down to Peter’s sleeping form. He did not want to see the betrayal in Tony’s eyes.

“He called me his possession,” Steve murmured, grasping Peter’s tiny hand. “He said, ‘You are mine,’ then kissed me…And when I felt his lips on mine, I…I felt something.”

From the corner of his eye, Steve saw Tony clench his fist.

“I am very disorientated right now, Tony,” Steve whispered. He closed his eyes for a second to try and right his spinning mind. He cautiously lifted his head and cast a wary gaze to Tony. Tony met his eyes but his gaze was hard, not revealing any inner turmoil he might be going through. Steve’s head pounded but he continued, he needed to let Tony know, “I am still uncertain about my emotions toward him but I know for a fact how I feel about you.”

He clutched Peter closer to him and tried to grab Tony’s hand again but Tony stepped back, not letting him touch him. Peter suddenly felt like he weighed thousands of tons.

“You promised me before that you would not leave me for him but I have a feeling you can’t promise me that again,” Tony said with an uneasy smile.

“Tony…”

“No, Capsicle, you don’t have to deny it,” Tony said, shaking his head. “I would not ask that of you…”

Steve flinched when he called him "Capsicle." Tony only called him that when he was annoyed with him. Steve dropped his head again and asked in a broken whisper, “D-Does that mean y-you want to break up?”

“Wha-? N-No!” Tony gasped. The sudden outburst made Steve’s head shoot up and Peter wearily opened his eyes. Peter eyes looked around the room, then, once he saw everything was okay, he closed his eyes again and fell right back to sleep. As soon as Steve looked at Tony, Tony dropped his gaze and murmured, “No…unless you want to..?”

“No, but…” Steve paused not knowing how to voice his feelings. It drew Tony’s eyes back to his.

Tony’s eyes were wide and no longer hiding his emotions. He was scared.

Tony gasped, “As far as I am concerned, Barnes kissed _you_ , not the other way around! You did not cheat on me. You may be conflicted right now but…so am I…I know how you feel about Barnes…” He looked bleak for a second and Steve’s heart went out to him. The sad look disappeared and he met Steve with a defiant look and said, “But you are more of an idiot I thought you were if you think I am going to give up on you so easily! Seriously, Steve, I mean I am totally a better kisser aren’t I? I did not even see any tongue in those videos!”

Steve muffled a chuckle. There was the Tony he knew and loved.

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” Tony said, jutting out his lower lip.

Steve sighed and reached out to Tony. Tony’s eyes flickered to his outstretched hand then, after a brief pause, took it into his grasp. Steve squeezed his hand and whispered, “Yes, you are a _much_ better kisser.”

Tony smiled sadly at their clasped hands then gently slid his hand out of Steve’s grasp again. Steve’s hand twitched and wanted to grab his hand once more. A wave of fear ran through him, for half a second, he thought he would lose Tony forever if he did not grab him.

Tony stepped back and out of Steve’s reach. He sat back down on the chair next to his bed.

They dropped the subject. They soon lapsed into talking about nothing important and were only talking to talk. It was subdued and sometimes forced. They both felt the need to fill the oppressive silence.

It was horrible…Steve never had any trouble talking to Tony before now. It was like what happened with Bucky had created a buffer between them.

A nurse rolled in a crib for Peter but neither he nor Tony made a move to put him in it. He stayed nestled at Steve’s side and would likely stay there the entire night.

“Well I should help those fools in R&D with the technical side of the investigation,” Tony murmured. Tony smiled at him but there was nothing in it. It was hallow and devoid of emotion.

“Do you really have to go?” Steve asked, desperate to keep him there with him.

Tony grinned, the first one that seemed genuine since the first videos of Steve and Bucky’s kiss were broadcast on the networks, and it warmed Steve’s heart.

Tony replied, “You should get some sleep and I need…to-to process things.”

Frantic to establish a connection, Steve reached out to him. Tony took his hand and Steve immediately relaxed. He asked, “Will I see you in the morning?”

Tony smiled sweetly at him and whispered, “Yes.”

He bent down and kissed Steve chastely. He pulled back and Steve grasped the back of his neck to stop him from pulling away further.

“Promise me not to overthink everything?” Steve asked because Tony was always overthinking and he did not want to make this situation any worse in the confines of his mind.

“No promises, Cap,” Tony replied jollily and he kissed Steve a second time before pulling himself out of Steve’s grasp and leaving.

\---

_Terror. Gunshots. Peter screaming. The barrel of a gun smoking, pointed at him, no, it was pointed at his son._

_Images of Central Park flashed through his mind then it all froze._

_In that moment, he was back on the train reaching out to Bucky. Bucky fell through the open air, his limbs flung out in all directions hoping to catch something. Yet the air around him is free of obstruction. Beneath him were miles and miles of open air then the fatal fate that awaited him on cold hard ground. White encircled his eyes and his irises were tiny little pinpricks. His mouth was in the shape of a circle as he cried out in despair._

_Bucky’s face faded and Peter’s appeared in his place. His mouth was open in a scream like Bucky and tears were streaming from his eyes._

_The cut on Peter’s cheek sealed itself._

“Papa.”

Steve woke with a hiss and snapped his head in the direction of his son’s voice. Peter sat next to Steve, sleepily rubbing at his eyes.

He was safe. Ross was gone.

Steve reached out to Peter and traced the tips of his fingers along Peter’s cheek, where the cut once was. His stomach clenched uneasily. In all the drama that occurred in the wake of Ross’s attack Steve never once paused to think about the healed cut or what it meant for his son.

“Where awe we?” Peter murmured curiously.

Steve glance around the hospital room and everything came crashing back to him. _Ross. Peter. Bucky. Tony…_

“Tony,” Steve groaned aloud, thinking of him.

“Awe we at Unca Tony’s?” Peter asked, cocking his head to the side.

“No,” Steve murmured. “We’re…at Uncle Phil’s place.”

“Unca Phil?”

“You haven’t officially met him yet,” Steve said. When Peter had originally been found, Coulson was one of the agents who checked in on him while they waited on the tests to see if Steve really was his father. Peter probably did not remember him.

“How many Unca’s do I have?” Peter asked curiously.

“…A lot,” Steve replied with a small smile. He held Peter steady as he pulled himself out from beneath the sheets. There were twinges in his shoulder and legs from his wounds. He gritted his teeth but ignored it.

The tile was cold beneath his feet. His muscles were stiff so he hobbled as he walked. Every step he took was met with a jab of pain from every one of his bullet wounds. If he were a regular man, he would still be bedridden. Thanks to the serum, he would probably be completely healed within a few days.

“Stay in the bed, Petey,” Steve murmured as he shuffled across the room. There was a dresser and after opening half a dozen drawers, containing medical supplies and hospital gowns, he came across some sweatpants.

“Thank God,” Steve murmured. If he was going to escape SHIELD medical he would like to do it in some pants. Steve and Clint were notorious for slipping out against the doctors’ orders. After Clint scaled down the side of the building, with his lower half for all to see and ended up the front page story for the next month, SHIELD started making the sweats standard issue whenever one of them was hospitalized.

He slipped the sweats on under his hospital gown then tucked the gown into them like he would a shirt.

Once nicely pantsed, Steve returned to his son and wordlessly picked him up. He sat Peter on his left hip, his uninjured side, and Peter automatically grasped his shirt. His tiny fingers felt for the necklace holding his dog-tags then latched onto them through the fabric.

Steve could not let what was happening with Tony and Bucky distract him. Peter was the most important person in his life and he needed to take care of him now. He knew for a fact that Peter displayed not just one but two new powers yesterday. He had to get Peter to Bruce _now_.

Could Peter’s fear activated something within him? Bruce turned into the Hulk when angered what happened to Peter when he was scared? Fear was just as strong of an emotion as anger. He looked fine but what if changes were occurring on the inside? What if his body was tearing itself apart?

Bruce was the foremost expert in gamma-radiation and the only other person alive other than Peter to survive the exposure to it. Bruce had been Peter’s doctor ever since SHIELD found him. Steve would not trust Peter to anyone else but his friend’s capable hands.

His first problem was getting out of SHIELD medical…

Steve would not try anything risky with Peter so he went for the direct approach. He stepped out of his room and walked only a few feet before getting stopped by one of the personnel.

“If you can get me the paperwork, I’d like to sign myself out,” Steve told the smaller man.

The man hurried away, only to return with his superior, a woman with a scowl and wire rimmed glasses. With her scowl routed firmly in place she stated, “I strongly advise against leaving right now. You were shot twelve times, Captain.”

“I am fine,” Steve stated, ignoring his aching wounds. His headache was no longer the monster it was yesterday and was easily ignored so he considered himself a million times better. Steve stated, “I’m willing to sign the form stating I’m leaving against medical advice.” He had already signed it a number of times since working with SHIELD.

The woman sighed heavily then pulled the form out of the paperwork she was holding. She must have been waiting for him to do this. His going against medical advice must have been common knowledge in SHIELD medical by now. He had done it after nearly every mission they sent him on.

Steve quickly filled out the form, leaving behind illegible writing and a sloppy signature.

Peter began to grumble about being hungry so, before they left the building, Steve stopped at a snack machine and got him some pretzels.

Phil Coulson stepped beside him just as he bent down to retrieve the pretzels.

As Steve straightened, he acknowledged him by nodding to him and saying, “Director Coulson.”

“Please, just Phil, Captain,” the agent said with a small smile. “I’ve been informed that you are leaving against our medical team’s wishes.”

Steve nodded and said, “Yes, I want to go home.”

No, he _needed_ to go home. He needed to be home yesterday. Peter needed to be looked at by Bruce as soon as possible. But Coulson did not need to know any of that. The agent liked to keep his secrets and Steve liked to keep his, especially from SHIELD. Coulson was a great man but he was also SHIELD’s new director…

Steve popped open the pretzels and handed them to Peter. Peter eagerly grabbed it and began to eat enthusiastically.

“Captain, a lot has happened since yesterday,” Coulson stated. “The entire world knows about Peter now and everyone wants to know about him. They also want to know about Sergeant Barnes. They want to know how he is still alive but also what…the extent of your relationship was…and is… Frankly, I was wondering if you could tell me that as well. How long have you been in contact with the Winter Soldier? How long have the two of you been in a relationship?”

“That was the first time I saw him since the helicarriers fell,” Steve retorted with a slight blush. “We aren’t in a relationship…Tony…Tony and I are together…”

Coulson’s eyes widened just a fraction and his mouth fell slightly agape but he did not display anything more other emotion other than the calm, relaxed expression he always wore. He quickly recovered and reiterated, “So you have not had any kind of contact with Sergeant Barnes at all?”

Steve thought back to the bullet Bucky had shot into the Tower. It was the only other instance Bucky had “communicated” with them…What he was trying to tell them Steve could only…He flushed. God it was so obvious now. He and Tony were making out on the couch they were one step away from tearing the rest of their clothes off each other but Bucky’s shot had deterred them. Bucky said he had been always watching Steve, had he been watching them? Was the shot a way for him to stop them?

“Captain?” Coulson questioned when his silence stretched.

Steve shook his head and said, “There’s nothing, sir. I need to go now. Peter needs some real food.” And Bruce.

Coulson nodded and said, “Alright but we are going to need a report about what happened. We also need to know what you want your next steps to be with the media. The public is demanding answers and you will have to decide how much you are willing to share…”

Steve nodded with a clenched jaw. It was a problem but it was one he would have to face tomorrow. Today, he had to get Peter to Bruce.

“We will contact you later tonight,” Coulson said then stepped away with a nod goodbye.

Steve left as soon as Coulson ended the conversation.

The SHIELD facility was on private property with gates and guards to keep the public out so there were no reporters to barrage him with millions of questions when he stepped outside. He thought he was going to call a cab but he was surprised to see Happy sitting in the same Bentley he had dropped them off in yesterday.

As soon as he noticed Steve, he got out of the car and opened the back door for Steve. Happy explained, “Mr. Stark said you two would be needing a ride.”

Steve smiled sadly upon his explanation. Despite Tony’s hurt, he still took the time to make sure they were cared for. That need to take care of others… it was one of Tony’s best qualities.

“Thank you for coming out here and waiting, Happy,” Steve said graciously. He would be sure to thank Tony later too.

“It’s no problem, Captain Rogers,” Happy said with a nod.

Steve slid into the luxury car and was surprised to see a carseat for Peter. It looked like Peter’s highchair with a gold body and red cushioning. The straps were the stars and stripes of the US flag and Steve instantly knew it was another one of Tony’s creations. The man thought of everything and managed to insert a bit of flare as always…

As Happy closed the door behind him, Steve gently picked up one of the patriotic straps and smiled sadly at it. How could he have ever hurt him? Tony not only cared for Steve but Peter as well. He was near perfect…

_But he’s not Bucky._

The thought involuntarily struck him and Steve bit down on his lip. He should not be thinking about this right now. Peter needed all his concentration. That was all that mattered at that moment...but he could not help but feel dishonorable as he buckled Peter in.


	2. Chapter 2

“All the scans are coming back as normal,” Bruce murmured as he looked over the papers. “Other than his needle prick healing after I drew blood I would say nothing is out of the ordinary…” Bruce lowered the papers and peered speculatively at Peter. “We must have never noticed it before because the needle pricks are so small…”

“The healing I can understand,” Steve said, clutching Peter a little tighter. “I heal faster. He must have inherited it from me like his strength. But the other thing..?”

“The precognition?”

“Yeah, when he knows he’s going to be hurt…” Steve mumbled uneasily, “I don’t have that. If it’s something that effects his mind shouldn’t you be able to see it on those brain scans?”

“It might only activate when he’s scared like the Hulk comes out when I am angry,” Bruce speculated, still staring at Peter. Peter was oblivious to the fact that he was the topic of conversation. He sat on Steve’s lap busily eating his third banana and watching a cartoon on Bruce’s tablet.

“But Peter knew he was going to get hurt _then_ became scared,” Steve said.

His mind flashed back to that pivotal moment when he decided to pick up his crying son and the bullets hit him instead of Peter. If he had not done that Peter may have been dead right now. The very thought tightened the muscles in his throat with dread and he squeezed Peter as if to reassure himself that he was still there.

“Then it must only activate when the danger is inevitable. I may not be able to see it in my scans unless he is in danger,” Bruce said somewhat dejectedly.

“And I will never willingly put my son in danger,” Steve growled.

“I did not think so,” Bruce murmured wryly. “I would not have suggested it in the first place…But this is clearly an effect of the gamma-radiation. He might have had it all along. He reacted similarly when Loki held him…The tests show he is fine.”

“But how does this precognition come about from spider gamma-radiated DNA?” Steve questioned. Hydra had infused Peter with the spider gamma-radiated DNA when he was still a fetus in his mother’s womb. They wanted to create a super-soldier stronger than Captain America and if Peter truly had precognition along with his healing ability and strength then they had succeeded.

“I’m not so sure, I will look into it, but there may be some spiders with some advanced sensory perception similar to precognition,” Bruce murmured thoughtful. “I will need to conduct some research, of course…”

“So…He’s not going to, hem…” Steve cleared his throat and awkwardly asked, “Hulk out?”

Bruce’s lips twitched into a small, tired smile and he said, “As of right now, no. He’s your typical super human toddler. His DNA is not unstable like mine, it is like yours, Steve…He is fine.”

Bruce’s words washed over him in a wave of calm. He trusted the doctor’s words. Peter was going to be alright. He looked down at his son and smiled.

“Did you hear that, Petey? You’re going to be fine, your papa got worked up over nothing. Do you want more food?” He asked. Peter had finished his banana but was still watching his cartoon.

Peter’s eyes broke away from the screen and he leaned back into Steve and said, “Anima Crackas.”

“Animal Crackers, please,” Steve reiterated for him.

“Pwease,” Peter added and Steve grinned proudly at him.

“Coming right up,” he promised. He stood and sat Peter on his good hip while turning off the tablet and handing it back to Bruce. To Bruce he said, “Thank you for checking over Peter.”

“You’re welcome and come down again tomorrow. I will check him again, just to be sure,” Bruce said.

“Thanks,” Steve replied, his shoulders released some more tension. Steve turned to leave but paused. He made up his mind and sighed. He reluctantly asked what had been bugging him all morning. “Have you spoken to Tony?”

Bruce’s easy smile dropped and he picked his glasses off his nose to rub the lenses with the edge of his shirt. He murmured, “He went straight to his workshop and has not left since last night. I saw him before he went in. He did not look good…”

Steve nodded and bit down on his tongue to not give away any emotion to Bruce. He murmured, “Thank you,” and left.

Steve closed the door to Bruce’s lab and looked across the hallway to Tony’s sealed lab door.

Tony had said he would check in on him in the morning but Steve had yet to see him since then and it was already late in afternoon. He told himself not to read too much into it. Tony always lost track of time…Yet Steve could not stop his heart from clenching.

“Papa?” Peter looked questioningly at him and Steve realized he had been staring at Tony’s door for a while.

“Sorry,” he whispered. He turned toward the elevator and asked Peter, “So Animal Crackers? Which animal is the tastiest?”

A look of extreme concentration crossed his face as Peter took his question seriously. Steve muffled a chuckle as he waited. As the elevator doors closed behind them, Peter finally replied.

“The Tigarrrr!” Peter finally answered with a fake growl and bared his teeth.

Steve grinned and growled like Peter as he said, “I like the lion!” He attacked Peter, curling his fingers like claws and tickled Peter. Peter laughed excitedly and kicked in his arms.

When they reached the community floor, Peter was gasping incoherently between his giggles. Peter had wiggled in his hold and hung upside-down in his arms. It was only after Steve stepped into view of the kitchen did he stop tickling his son. Peter sighed deeply and hung heavily in his arms like a ragdoll.

Natasha was making a salad in the kitchen and she nodded to Steve in form of greeting.

“Hello Aunt Tasha,” Steve said.

“Hello Auntie Tasha,” Peter copied him, smiled at her, still upside-down.

“Hello boys,” she replied with a small wryly smirk.

“Floor or highchair?” Steve asked Peter. Peter lifted his head to peer at his father from his upside-down position.

“Floor!” Peter replied, reaching for the hardwood beneath them. Steve placed him down then went to the nearby living room. Under the coffee table were extra pillows and blankets sitting on a hideaway shelf. Steve pulled out one of the blankets and laid it out on the floor. Peter toddled over to his toy chest and pulled out the Iron Man action figure. Steve frowned slightly as he watched Peter hobble over to the blanket with the particular toy in hand.

Steve went to the kitchen and straight to the pantry. He pulled the Animal Crackers from their usual spot and returned to Peter. Peter sat on the blanket and was trying to get the action figure to sit too.

“Remember to not eat them off the blanket,” Steve murmured as he handed over the circus-themed box. Peter gave up on the toy and eagerly grasped the box and easily tore it open. Steve reached over and picked up the Iron Man figure and folded his legs and sat him next to Peter.

His son automatically started to play with it, using an elephant cracker to talk to the action figure. Steve stepped back and Peter was so wrapped up in his game that he did not notice Steve’s absence.

Steve was originally going to make himself a sandwich but the sight of the Iron Man figure stole his hunger. He leaned against the counter and watched Peter.

Natasha pulled out the stool next to him and sat on it. She stabbed a few leaves violently, drawing Steve’s attention.

“I will watch Peter, go to Tony,” Natasha commanded and took a bite of her leafy greens.

Steve looked back to Peter and his eyes fell on the Iron Man action figure. He sighed and said, “Thank you.”

She shrugged, Natasha’s way of saying you’re welcome.

Steve made some coffee then went back down to the labs.

Tony had given him the code to his workshop once he and Peter started to spend time with him in there, long before they stared dating. Steve imputed the numbers, half afraid Tony may have changed the code, but it went through and the door slid open.

Tony did not notice him at first. He was bent over a piece of his Iron Man suit. Steve could not see his hands, they were buried in the machinery, and sparks were flying up from what he was working on.

He had goggles and thick gloves on but that was all he wore in protective wear. He was barefoot in jeans and a black tank. His arc reactor glowed through the fabric and his hair was a mess.

Steve watched him for a few moments. Tony’s total concentration was in his work but his face was serene. He always loved to watch Tony work, it was a side of him very few got to see…

Steve stepped up behind him and placed the coffee under Tony’s nose. It was something he always did to grab Tony’s attention it felt almost silly doing it now. He felt like a different Steve did it and the current Steve was stepping out of place. Tony’s nose twitched then he inhaled deeply, his nostrils expanding to take in the robust smell. Behind his reflective goggles, Steve could not read his eyes and it made him a little uneasy.

Tony peered at him from behind the goggles and said, “Oh…Cap. Thanks. Is it that time of day already?”

“…It is past noon,” Steve replied.

Tony tore off his gloves then the goggles and tossed them beside the piece of armor he was working on. He had odd circular bruises evenly spaced, starting at his wrist and going up his arm. Steve quirked an eyebrow at it but did not ask anything of it. Tony must have pinched himself on his new armor.

Tony accepted the mug with both hands and he smirked shyly at Steve.

“Have you eaten anything?” Steve asked, already knowing the answer.

“Not since I left you at the hospital…”

“So I take it that you did not sleep either…” Steve said with a sigh, drawing another grin from Tony.

“Yup,” he replied, almost proudly.

“Will you join me for lunch?” Steve asked. Tony glanced guiltily over to the piece of armor he was working on. Steve reiterated, “Or perhaps I can make us something and we can eat down here?”

Tony took a sip from his coffee and peered thoughtfully at Steve. He replied, “Sure.”

He was smiling again and Steve felt a little inkling of hope. Maybe what happened with Bucky was just going to be a bump in the relationship. The feelings he had squashed toward Bucky can be smothered again.

\---

The same day Steve and Tony shared lunch, he read off a statement to the press later that day, explaining an abbreviated version of what happened. Coulson came to the Tower and went over the events with Steve. Together, they concluded what to release.

Steve confirmed that Peter was his son and that his mother was dead but he did not reveal who she was or the fact that Hydra was involved and had raised and experimented on him the first two years of his life.

He confirmed that Bucky was alive and was the agent SHIELD called the Winter Soldier. He knew they would all look online later at the SHIELD released records about the Winter Solider but he briefly explained what happened to Bucky, hoping everyone would understand his old friend was not in control.

As for the events in Central Park, he spoke mostly the truth. General Ross had attacked them because he believed the rumors that Peter was Bruce’s son. He learned later, from Bruce, that the man hated him and been trying to destroy him since the Hulk was created.

He did not know why Bucky saved him, nonetheless, kissed him. And he did not know where Bucky was or if he was a danger to anyone.

He did not tell them about his sexual orientation or the fact that he and Tony were in a relationship but that went hand-in-hand. He was still not ready to deal with the press over that factor in his life, though he made sure in his statement that he did not, not say he was gay. One day he would come out but that day was not it.

He did not answer any of their questions after reading his statement.

After the statement, Steve went straight back to Peter. Tony found him playing with his Captain America action figure while Peter played with the Iron Man. By the look on his face, Steve could tell he was taken aback.

“Aren’t you going to help the others look for Barnes?” Tony asked.

Steve lowered the toy and met Tony square in the eye as he said the statement he had been waiting to say to him all day.

“There are more important things _here_ than Bucky,” Steve told him, looking pointedly at him as he said it.

Tony held his gaze, revealing nothing for a few seconds before finally breaking his emotionless façade with a smirk.

“You are such a tease,” Tony murmured, his voice flirtatious.

Steve could not hold back his grin and replied, “Only for you, babe.”

Tony’s smirk widened into an all-encompassing grin. He sat next to Steve on the floor, pausing to lightly kiss Steve’s forehead, and then looked over the toys in their hands. He asked, “What are we playing?”

“Iron Man and Captain America were going to save Thor from that teddy bear,” Steve said, nodding to the bear lying on top of the Thor action figure a few feet away.

“Ah, the terrible Dr. Teddy T. Bear of Trouble Town. He is a terrifying foe…” Tony said gravely.

“He mush be stopped!” Peter said, raising the Iron Man toy.

Tony picked up the abandoned Hulk toy and yelled, “Onward!”

Peter crawled forward and smashed the toy into the softer stuffed animal. Steve and Tony followed, both laughing and leaning into each other as their toys joined the outlandish fray. At one point in the battle, as Dr. Teddy deflected one of Hulk’s attack with his fluffy armor, Tony gaze found Steve’s and he smiled genuinely at him, his eyes sparkling as he did.

With that look, Steve knew they were going to be okay.

After that exchange, Tony acted like nothing ever happened and had even hopped into Steve’s bed their first night back in the Tower. He had not known Peter was in the bed with him but rolled with it. The three of them slept through the night with Peter nestled between them and Steve and Tony connected by their pressed foreheads and interlocked hands resting on Peter’s belly.

In the morning, Tony joined Steve in the shower and made up for the lost night. Steve had just gotten in after his morning workout and Tony helped clean him, _thoroughly_.  

They quickly fell into a routine. At first, they were careful around each other, shy and asking permission before being intimate but, as the days passed, questions became meaningless and there was no reason to be shy. Tony unofficially moved in and slept in his bed every night. Their lives quickly became ingrained into one and every hour was spent in each other's presence. The kisses they shared in passing or in passion were no longer surprises but now were as normal and vital as breathing. 

Tony also continued Steve's education of sex and Steve's knowledge grew. His body learned new sensations and, in turn, he learned how to give erotic touches back and make Tony moan with abandon. His virgin inexperience evolved into a self-assured intimacy. Sex originally made him uneasy because he never knew what to expect but Tony helped him learn to be excited by it and it brought him closer to his boyfriend in ways he never could have imagined.

Making love was hard to do when Steve had a two-year-old demanding attention but their friends took pity on them and discreetly volunteered to babysit, giving Steve and Tony the chance to grow into their new roles of lovers.

Steve soon discovered, the bruises along Tony’s arms were actually newly implanted honing chips for Tony’s new armor. He spent most of his time trying to summon the armor to him with simple arm movements. The armor came to him but it was usually too fast and forceful. Peter loved to watch the armor fly through the air and laughed as it sporadically attached itself to Tony. Steve usually watched it all with a frown and tended Tony’s bruises and cuts afterwards with the frown still in place.

“It’s just a part of the testing phase,” Tony reassured him.

“It’s reckless,” Steve murmured. “You can really hurt yourself…”

“Maybe I’m just using it as an excuse for you to baby me,” Tony flirted, leaning in with puckered lips. Steve let himself fall for the bait and kissed his luring lips.

“There! All better!” Tony stated. “Now for phase two testing…”

To which, Steve did not bother to respond and merely rolled his eyes.

He had to admit, he loved Tony but hated how he did not take care of himself. He always put his projects or others before the morality of his body and one day, if Steve was not keeping an eye on him, he was really going to hurt himself. Steve knew he could not ask Tony to stop, it was too ingrained in his personality to do so, but he hoped he would one day he would see that Steve wanted him safe and healthy and he would make an effort to do so. Steve was already seeing changes. Tony slept with him regularly every night and always ate when he did. He no longer had bags under his eyes and looked generally healthier.

All along, in the back of his mind, his thoughts lingered on Bucky. As he ate he wondered if Bucky had anything to eat and when he went to bed he wondered if Bucky had a bed to sleep in. He worried for his lost friend and could not help but wonder if he was still watching him like he had promised.

The knowledge of loving Bucky did not go away but its effect on him did. It was no longer as resilient but it was still strong enough to worry him. He was able to ignore it which was all that mattered but he did not know how he would react if he saw Bucky again…

As Tony began to regularly sleep with them he discovered that Tony had nightmares worse than his or Peter’s. Steve had flashbacks from World War II or his fall into the ice and the worse that usually happened was he got night sweats or woke from the sudden impact in the ice. Peter whined in his sleep sometimes and kicked at unseen Hydra agents. From what he could get out of Peter, his nightmares were about being taken from Steve. His nightmares had lessened considerably since he grown used to being safe in the Tower.

Nearly every night, Tony convulsed and screams strangled his throat, made silent by his clenched jaw. His body would be drenched in sweat and, if he happened to be holding Steve when he fell asleep, his hands would claw into Steve’s flesh. His nightmares never seemed to wake him and dragged out until Steve woke him. Tony tried to brush it off at first and deny it was happening. Yet when Steve realized it was a common occurrence he demanded answers.

“They’re not nightmares,” Tony murmured in explanation. “They’re memories…from the wormhole…” And that was all he explained but it was enough.

The next night Tony had a nightmare, Steve gently moved Peter to the other side of the bed then took Tony in his arms. He whispered, “You’re in New York, you’re in our bed, you’re in my arms…you’re in my heart. You’re okay, Tony,” Steve promised and Tony’s fingers dug into his flesh. “You are no longer in that dark place, you’re with me…the guy you jerked off to as a teenager, remember?” He felt Tony stop shaking then felt his mouth quirk into a smile against his flesh and he instantly relaxed.

As Tony fell asleep in his arms, Steve realized the true depths of his feelings for him. Yes, Steve loved him but, in that moment, he realized Tony was the most precious thing, next to Peter, in Steve’s life. He could not believe he even considered leaving him for Bucky. He could not imagine living the rest of his life without him.

After that night, Steve merely needed to hold Tony to calm him and Steve himself would relax into the serenity of their embrace.

\---

The amount of press outside their building more than halved itself after a terrorist attack on a United States military station in Afghanistan. A man calling himself “The Mandarin” hijacked US networks and took credit for the act. Clint and Natasha were immediately called in by SHIELD to assist in looking for him and Tony had Jarvis trying to follow the traces left by the broadcast hackings.

Even with the lessened press, Steve waited until Peter questioned about going outside before even considering it. He and Tony debated about it, weighing the pros and cons. Ultimately, it was Steve’s decision that he did not want his son to grow up locked away in the Tower.

He and Tony wore hats, shaded glasses, and clothes they did not usually wear all to remain incognito. He even gave Peter a baseball hat, which he continuously tugged on. They snuck out through the underground garage and drove to a small park in Queens. May Parker met them there and made them all peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Ben could not make it because he had work.

There were not many people at the park but Steve did not leave Peer’s side. The events of Central Park were never far from his mind. Steve played with Peter on the jungle gym, pushed Peter on the diaper-like toddler swing, and started to dig a hole to China in the sand.

Peter was telling him all he knew about China (which was basically Kun Fu fighting pandas) when the reporters found them. Someone must have recognized one of them: one of the park-goers, the man tending the trees, or a passerby.

“Captain Rogers!”

Steve tensed and he automatically grasped Peter.

He spun around in the direction of the stranger’s call and felt his shoulders droop when he saw a couple of camera crews run over to them from the hastily parked vans.

“May, get out of here. If they ask, you aren’t with us," Tony hissed to the older woman. May looked like she wanted to object but Tony shot away from her on the bench and went to Steve’s side. Steve picked up Peter and he and Tony began to walk hurriedly to Tony’s car.

Another news van pulled into the parking lot and stopped right in front of them, blocking their path. Tony growled and Steve frowned at the people who jumped out. The obstruction gave the others enough time to catch up to them and they were quickly surrounded.

“Captain-?”

“Mr. Stark?”

“A question-?”

“Please comment-!”

They all spoke at once, their voices merging into one large noise that was utterly indistinguishable.

“We have no comment,” Tony stated gruffly, his voice biting through their sea of voices. They surged upon them, his statement having the exact opposite effect Tony had hoped for. The reporters all tried to push their microphones into their faces and with the layers of bodies trying to get at them, all they succeeded in doing was crush Steve, Tony, and Peter in the middle of their jostling bodies.

“Papa!” Peter gasped, frightened by all that was happening. Cameras flashed as Peter clutched his neck and burrowed his face into his chest.

“Go away!” Steve hissed, wanting to push them away, but unable out of fear of hurting them with his superior strength. His sunglasses had fallen off in the shoving of bodies and he took off his cap to cover Peter’s face so the reporters would not get the picture they were looking for and Peter would not have to see them.

Tony, more used to these kinds of crowds, cut right through the mass of bodies straight to the car. Tony’s grasp broke from his arm and a great divide was made between them as the reporters rounded on him and ignored Tony. Steve struggled as cameras, microphones, and cell phones were shoved in his face. He moved in the direction Tony had disappeared and hoped it was the right one.

As he got closer to where he guessed the car was, the reporters became more frantic. They began to pull at his arms and tug on his clothing. Steve gritted his teeth as he fought the urge to slug the people grabbing at him.

He caught a glimpse of the dark car and Tony, void of his cap and sunglasses, slid back through the crowd to his side. He positioned himself in front of Steve and Peter and helped block Peter from the reporters with his body.

“Ready to retreat, Cap?” Tony asked with a smirk.

“ _Please_ ,” Steve groaned.

“Follow my lead,” Tony said. He squared his shoulders and yelled to the gathered crowd, “Ladies and gentlemen!” He caught their attention as everyone around them froze and Tony, grinning like a madman, gasped, “Go! Go! _Go_!”

He pulled Steve and they dove through the crowd. It took the reporters a few seconds to recover then followed them, grasping for Steve.

Tony rounded the front of the car and hopped into the driver’s seat. Steve went to the backdoor, where Peter’s car seat was. He tore open the door and shoved Peter inside. Tony reached into the back and was buckling Peter in just as Steve closed the door. He felt immensely better having the barrier of the car door between Peter and the reporters.

He reached around a cameraman to open his own door. The cameraman saw this and he swung his huge camera around to catch one last image of Steve. The man, however, misjudged where Steve was going to go. Instead of filming Steve entering the car he hit him solidly across the head with the camera lens.

Steve hissed and clutched his head. Blood began to seep from a laceration on his forehead. His eyes flickered to Tony inside the car. His boyfriend was enraged and by the way his hand went to his door handle Steve knew Tony was going to cause a scene.

Before he could consider what to say or do to pacify Tony, a loud bang rang through the park. The cameraman twitched and fell into Steve, his camera fell from his grasp and shattered on the ground. It only took Steve a matter of moments to realize the man was missing half of his head.

 _Bucky_.

The group around him dissipated, most ran but a few brave souls continued to film. None of them went close to Steve.

Steve gently lay the dead man down and his eyes scanned the horizon.

“Steve?!” Tony gasped, jumping out of the car.

Steve spotted a glint on the roof of a distant laundry mat. Could it be a sniper’s scope? Could it be Bucky?

Steve took a step toward Bucky but then remembered Tony.

Steve turned to him just as he rounded the car. He gasped, “I have to go after him.”

“Fuck no you don’t!” Tony hissed. “He just killed this guy!” Tony waved to the dead man at his feet.

“I have to Tony. If I don’t nobody else will,” Steve gasped. “This might be my only chance!”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Tony hissed. Steve took another step away and shot him an apologetic look.

“It will be fine!” Steve promised and turned into a full on sprint.

“STEVE?!” Tony yelled after him and Steve flinched lightly from the sound of it but kept running.

He went to the laundry mat and saw Bucky’s retreating around the corner of the block. Steve surged ahead, his muscles burned as he pushed himself beyond the usual limit. He quickly closed the distance. He rounded the same corner and saw Bucky run down an alley.

Steve all but flew and yelled, “Wait!”

Steve rounded the corner and saw the Winter Solider already climbing up the side of the building. Desperate, Steve yelled out the one thing that got across to him prior, “Don’t go! It’s-It’s you and me till the end of the line, remember!?”

Bucky came to an immediate halt then slid down the wall. Steve watched him warily as he slowly turned toward him. Bucky looked ragged. His hair was long and greasy, he had an uneven shave like he did it without a mirror, he was dirtier than Tony after a three day binge in his workshop, and his eyes were wild.

“Bucky, you can trust me,” Steve whispered. Buck’s eyes narrowed and he studied him as if he was trying to understand what he was. Had he forgotten him already? Steve’s chest tightened and he tried to relay all his trust and love through his eyes.

“…Steve?” Bucky questioned uncertainly and Steve’s heart soared.

“Yes,” Steve gasped, his voice hasher with the danger of joyous tears threating to spill. He remembered! Bucky remembered his name!

Bucky cautiously closed the distance between and reached out to touch Steve. Steve did not move, not wanting to scare his addled friend. Bucky’s hand hovered at the side of his face as if to cup his cheek.

“Bucky…” Steve whispered.

Bucky’s eyes suddenly narrowed and his pupils became tiny pinpricks. Steve did not have a chance to formulate the danger before Bucky clenched his hovering fist and punched Steve. Steve fell back and Bucky pounced on him. He screamed bloody murder as he hit Steve in the head repeatedly. Stars flashed before his eyes. Through the blood, he gurgled, “Buc – .”

Bucky grasped Steve's head with both hands and slammed Steve’s head into the hard cement. His skull cracked as easily as an egg under Bucky’s strength and sounded like a watermelon cracking open. Hot blood flowed from his scalp.

“I told you not to follow me!” Bucky hissed through gritted teeth.

Steve stilled as his vision began to fade. Before everything went black, he saw conflicting emotions war on Bucky’s face as the Winter Soldier and Bucky fought for dominance. There was anger from the Soldier and despair from Bucky.

“B-Buc –,” Steve murmured, he reached out and brushed the tips of his fingers along Bucky’s arm. All emotion left Bucky’s face and he stared at Steve blankly. He clutched both sides of his head and stared starkly at Steve.

“You used to be smaller,” he whispered, his voice hitching pathetically as his eyes became glassy.

Steve smiled. He tried to say yes but all that came out was a sigh. His eyes closed despite his fighting to keep them open.

As Steve fell unconscious, the last thing he felt was Bucky lifting him onto his shoulder and beginning to carry him away.

Then it was just darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad Bucky! You don't hurt Steve! Buuuuucky put him down now!!!! Buucckkkyyy!! DX
> 
> So we are taking are first steps into the drama now...I will try to get the chapters out on a regular basis but they will come out at a slower pace because of life...
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! BUT I have finally made up my mind on where this fic is going so the tags have been updated! And I once again deliver unto you two chapters!

Steve came to with a splitting headache.

He sat up and forced open his eyes and the world spun around him,

“T-Tony?” Steve murmured uncertainly.

“…Who the hell is Tony?”

Steve’s head snapped in the direction of Bucky’s voice.

They were in some kind of ratty hotel room. Steve lay on top of a queen sized mattress and Bucky crouched in the corner of the room on an ancient looking desk. All the lights were off and the only source of light came from the single window between him and Bucky.

It was night and the room was awash in shadows. Bucky’s eyes gleamed in the darkness, reflecting off the streetlamp from outside. In his hands, Steve could make out his fingers running over the barrel of a gun.

“Tony is my boyfriend,” Steve whispered in cautious explanation as he slowly sat himself up. As the back of his head pounded painfully, his last moment of consciousness filtered back to him. Did Bucky remember him? Or should he be treading cautious ground right now? Was he dealing with the Winter Soldier again?

Bucky’s eyes flashed white as he lifted his gaze to Steve. He growled, “The fruity yuck who was kissing you?”

The memory of the bullet that was shot into his living room flickered through his mind. Tony and Steve had been making out. It must have been what Bucky was referring to. He asked, “You saw us then?”

“I saw,” Bucky hissed, his voice filled with emotion. It was an anger he heard countless times prior from Bucky whenever he was referencing Hydra, the Nazis, or bullies. It was a voice that belonged to the old Bucky. Steve shivered.

_Please don’t go away again._

Bucky holstered his gun and slowly stepped off the desk. He grabbed the chair tucked into the desk and dragged it over to Steve’s bedside. He sat heavily onto the sparsely cushioned chair and glared at Steve.

“I never figured you for a queer…At least, from what I remember…” He stated the last bit hesitantly.

“What do you remember?” Steve asked in a whisper. He was afraid to raise his voice any higher, in case of enticing Bucky again.

Bucky rubbed his forehead and murmured, “Jumbles. Only a little bit of you…Mostly… Mostly I remember killing people. Shooting them in the back, in the head, in the heart, or in the stomach so they would die painfully and slowly…”

Bucky’s eyes became glassy as his gaze turned inward and he said, “Just yesterday, I remember shooting a man in front of his daughter then I waited for the mother to come home and shot her as well. I left the little girl there, alive and sitting in her parents’ blood.” Bucky paused as pain flashed through his eyes and he whispered, “Sometimes I slip back into him. I become the Soldier and lose all my emotions...I lose my soul. It can happen without warning, like today… I-I did not mean to hurt you.”

He peered at Steve with large doe eyes and it took all within Steve’s power not to hug him. He looked so wretched and alone.

“Wh-What do you remember of me?” Steve whispered, afraid to raise his voice. What little did he remember? Was it good or bad? Was it during the War or before?

Bucky looked down and murmured, “I remember you smaller and always sick…” He looked back up and said, “One of the first memories I recalled was of you was you sick…really sick, so sick I thought you were going to die. You lay in a bed, smaller than this one, and all the blankets in the apartment were on you. I was afraid the weight from all of the covers would be too heavy and you would suffocate but I was also scared that they were not enough. I thought you were going to freeze to death…I could hear the fluid in your lungs with every shaky breath you took. Your skin was so hot I thought it would melt but you shivered like you were sitting buck-naked in an ice box.”

Bucky reached out and grasped Steve’s hand with both of his. His hold was gentle as if Steve was still small and dying and as fragile as fractured glass.

Bucky continued in a whisper, “It got so bad that I began to imagine your inevitable death. It tore my soul to just envision my life without you. I prayed all night to God that he would save you.” Bucky paused and ran both his thumbs over the top of Steve’s hand, tracing the bones beneath. He whispered, “It was in that moment, I realized how much you meant to me. I realized how much I loved you…”

Steve felt his throat swell with emotion. He remembered the instance Bucky referred to. Steve woke from that fever the next morning. Bucky was on his knees next to Steve’s bed. His eyes were red rimmed and his body wearied. When he saw Steve was awake, Bucky’s face split into the most relieved and joyous smile he had ever seen. He laughed and kissed Steve’s forehead. He called him a lug head of a jerk but Steve had not heard the insult. His mind was spinning from the knowledge that Bucky had kissed him.

Now Steve’s mind was spinning from what Bucky was revealing to him.

“Buc—,” Steve started to say.

“No, let me finish,” Bucky hissed, his voice full of raw emotion. Steve snapped his mouth shut and silently waited. His heart was beginning to beat faster and he became acutely aware of his hand in Bucky’s grasp. Bucky sighed and whispered, “I never felt that way toward anyone before but, from what I remember, I did not peg you for a fruit… so I did not act on my feelings.” Bucky scrunched his face and asked hopefully, “Did we ever…give it a shot?”

“No…God, I wanted to Bucky but no. I can’t believe…I did not think you swung that way…” Steve whispered, his heart pinning for the unfair loss.

Bucky’s sudden grin looked pained and it lasted for only a second. His face fell and he whispered, “I have been watching you ever since I pulled you out of the water. The more I watched you, the more I remembered… and the more I wanted to remember _you_. By focusing on you, I was able to remember there was a time before the blood. I was able…to remain somewhat sane. I—I thought…” Bucky pursed his lips and his eyes suddenly became dark. “It doesn’t matter. None of this matters. You’re with _him_.” Bucky hissed the last word like it was acid burning his tongue. He sharply pulled his hands from Steve and curled his fingers into the flesh of his thighs.

“Bucky…” Steve whispered. He wanted to comfort him. He wanted to reveal how much he cared for him. Yet the words were stifled in his throat. An image of Tony flashed through his mind and Steve clutched his thighs just as tightly as Bucky was doing to his own. He whispered, “He’s good to me, Bucky. I love him…”

Bucky dropped his head and his face became shadowed and unreadable. He got off the chair and walked away from the bed. He stood in front of the window and peered outside with a hard expression.

“I am sorry that I hurt you but now that you are awake you should leave. Next time do not follow me,” Bucky stated.

Steve jumped off the bed, his landing was a little unsteady since his head still was out of rights. He gasped, “No, there should not be a next time. You do not have to go at this alone. You are my best friend, Bucky. I’m sorry we cannot be more but-but we can still be friends.”

Bucky turned to him, smiling sadly, and whispered, “That can’t happen.”

He bent down and picked up a duffle bag sitting at the foot of the bed. It clinked lightly as the weapons inside moved with the momentum.

“Wait.” Steve grasped his arm to stop him from leaving. Bucky froze under his touch and did not look at him. Steve whispered, “Please take my phone number at least. If you need anything, anything at all, please call me!”

Bucky frowned at his feet and mumbled indignantly, “Fine.”

Steve quickly stepped over to the desk and grabbed the complementary pen and paper pad there. He quickly jotted down his cell phone number and tore the slip of paper from the pad. He pushed it into Bucky’s hand before he could reject it.

Bucky’s hand snapped around his hand like a bear trap.

Steve jerked in surprise and leaned back but did not try to break away from him. He looked questionably at Bucky, waiting to see what was the matter. Had the Soldier seeped through again? Or was there something important he needed to say?

Their eyes locked and Bucky’s gaze bore into his, digging deep into his soul. He felt as if everything he was, was bared for Bucky to see, including all the fantasies Steve ever had about him. All the blood left Steve’s face and he felt his mouth dry.

“I want you,” Bucky whispered, his eyes flashing with heat.

Steve sputtered an unintelligible excuse to deny him and a myriad of feelings assaulted him ranging from guilt to longing.

He wanted Bucky too. He could not deny it just as he could not deny his heart from beating. Yet, at the same time, he was awash with horror because of his love for Tony. He was in a relationship with him and should not be feeling such things toward another, no matter their history!

“You said you had wanted to be with me, is it so wrong to want it now?” Bucky asked. 

Bucky leaned in, as Steve was internally distracted, and kissed the side of his neck. Steve stiffened with a sharp inhale and his entire body froze from his shock at Bucky's bold move. Bucky was undeterred and nibbled on the large vein in his neck. Steve bit back a groan from the sensation. All the old fantasies, buried long ago surfaced and Steve felt his resolve falter.

“I can’t,” he gasped, struggling to regain some ground. “I-I am with Tony. I care for him Buck, I can’t.”

But he did not pull away. He had to stop him but…How many times had he dreamed of Bucky doing this? He kept telling himself he would let it continue for only a few more seconds but after those few seconds he repeated his excuse over and over until it became a useless drone in his head. Steve closed his eyes as Bucky’s lips rose and followed a path along his jawline. Steve pushed him back for the action and cracked open his eyes, meeting Bucky's dark blue gaze.

“I love you,” Bucky whispered reverently, his lips mere centimeters from Steve’s lips.

“Buc—,” Steve tried to whisper a protest, this needed to stop. He let it go too far.

Bucky smothered Steve’s voice with his mouth before he could get out another word.

Bucky dropped his duffle and wrapped his arms around the back of his neck, drawing Steve closer into the kiss. Steve melted into him and dug his fingers into Bucky’s scalp.

Bucky moaned into his mouth, the sound vibrating down Steve’s throat. Bucky pushed him back and they landed on the bed with a slight bounce. Bucky rubbed his hips into Steve, pressing the forming erection into him.

“Bucky,” Steve gasped. Behind his closed eyes, he was tiny again and they were in their old apartment. The Winter Soldier and Captain America never existed. It was just a skinny Steve Rogers and the short-haired, sane Bucky Barnes, like he always fantasized.

Bucky began tugging up his shirt and moving his hands tracing his hands over his abdominal muscles. He trailed kisses down the vein in his neck then bit into the flesh. Steve threw back his head and groaned, “Oh God, Buck—!”

Pleasure from the bite gave way to a trickle of pain. It was the flash of pain that did it. His eyes snapped open and he froze.

This was not a dream. Dear God, it was real. His heart stopped beating and rolled down to his stomach where it landed heavily.

It was no longer the 1940s.

Steve was real.

Bucky was real.

 _Tony was real_.

What was he doing?! He scrambled up and hissed, “ _Buck-_! Bucky, stop!”

“No,” Bucky growled into his neck, baring his teeth in a snarl. Bucky dug his fingers into Steve’s torso as if daring him to ask him to stop again.

“We can’t do this,” Steve hissed, half hysterical. “I am dating Tony. I can’t be with you!”

“You keep saying that, ‘I can’t be with you,’ but you have not once said you ‘ _didn’t’_ want to be with me,” Bucky hissed and Steve tensed. When Steve said nothing to counter his observation Bucky whispered, “You care for me too, don’t you?”

“Yes, Bucky,” Steve gasped, his voice cracking with emotion. “Yes, but I care for Tony too and I am in a relationship with him. _I…I plan to spend the rest of my life with him_. I-I can’t be with you and I can’t do this to him – please, stop, Bucky. I have already let this go too far. I’ve already hurt Tony too much. Please, get off me… _Please_.”

If Bucky continued Steve knew he would not be able to stop him.

Despite how much he hated it, he wanted him to continue. _So much…_

 _Oh my God, I am so sick_ , Steve thought morbidly. How could he let this happen? He might have once fantasized about doing this with Bucky but he had not thought that way since Tony! He would have never let it get this far.

He betrayed Tony. He willingly kissed Bucky and almost took it further!

His heart felt too heavy to beat and only felt heavier as he thought of his boyfriend. How was he going to explain this to him??

Bucky bared his teeth in an angry grimace and slowly withdrew his hands from Steve’s torso. Bucky slipped off his hips then the bed and turned his back on Steve as he stepped away from him.

As Steve gradually sat himself up he saw Bucky’s head fall forward. Seeing his old friend in such a defeated pose made Steve want to take it all back. He wanted to jump from the bed and take Bucky in his arms. He wanted to tell him that he loved him too. He wanted to kiss him, draw him back to the bed and his fantasy world, and make love to him like he always wanted.

Steve wanted to do so much but pushed back all that he desired. That desire dwindled and died as Steve’s mind fell back to Tony.

_Oh God, what was he thinking…_

Shame settled on his shoulders like a heavy weight and left a bitter taste in his mouth. Why did he let it go so far? How could he let it happen?

The paper with his phone number was crumpled into a ball beside him, forgotten by Bucky. Steve stared at it morosely. Such a simple thing was the precursor to a traitorous act. He gently picked it up, stared at it a moment, and then smoothed out the wrinkled paper. He carefully folded it and slipped out of the bed.

His shirt fell back into place and Steve cleared his throat. Bucky turned to him, his emotionless mask in place. Steve held out the paper without meeting his eyes and whispered, “Please keep this, Bucky…. Please.”

Bucky nodded and stiffly held out his hand. Steve placed it in his hand again and this time Bucky’s grasp did not lock around his hand. Steve pulled back, almost dejectedly.

Bucky bent down and picked up his duffle bag. Steve made no move to stop him as he made his way to the door. The fervor to stop Bucky from leaving was gone. Steve no longer trusted himself with him.

Bucky paused with his hand on the door handle.

“If you ever need me,” Bucky whispered, turning his head slightly so that Steve could almost make out the side of his face’s profile. “Hang a red cloth from the western point of the Tower and I will come.”

“You will be watching?” Steve guessed with a small smile and a constricted heart.

Bucky looked over his shoulder with a half grin and said, “You’re my mission.”

\---

Steve followed Bucky out but the Winter Soldier disappeared as soon as he stepped over the threshold to the hotel room.

It was in the middle of the night in the less desirable part of New York City. Steve did not have his phone, he had left it in Tony’s car and Bucky must have taken his SHIELD communicator so they would not be tracked. No taxis drove down these streets at this time of night so Steve made the long trek home on foot. He almost got mugged twice but easily disabled his both of his attackers.

He tried to hail a cab once he got into a safer area. The cabbie took one look at him and the blood that had spilt all over his white shirt from his head wound and drove off. He must have called the police because ten minutes later he had a bright light shined into his face and was ordered down on the ground. Steve complied and, for once, was glad for his universally recognized face as the officers were quickly able to discern who he was.

They took him to their precinct for questioning on where he went after the cameraman’s murder. Steve did not object but he didn't know how he was going to handle it. He could not tell them about Bucky but they would want to know where he was this entire time. He had been missing for almost eight hours.

In those eight hours, the entire world learned of his disappearance. The officers radioed in that they had him so it should not have surprised Steve to see the reporters waiting at the precinct, but the presence of Director Coulson, a number of SHIELD agents, Thor, and Tony in his Iron Man armor did.

As soon as Steve stepped out of the car cameras flashed and Steve was surrounded by his friends. They protected him from the tide of people asking for a comment.

“Do not say anything, Captain,” Coulson murmured into his ear, as everyone else held back the people. “We spoke with the precinct’s Captain and he assured us you do not need to come in and a detective will come tomorrow to question you.”  

Steve let himself be led into a massive limo and he, Coulson, and Tony slid inside while Thor shot into the air. The agents scattered to clear traffic. As soon as the door sealed, Tony’s armor folded itself off his body and into a suitcase at his feet. Once he was free of the armor, Tony launched himself at Steve.

“Oh my God,” he hissed. His hands hovered over the matted blood in Steve’s hair. “Are you okay? What did he do to you?!”

“I’m fine. He had a bad reaction to something I said,” Steve whispered hoarsely.

He stared fearfully at Tony.

He could still feel Bucky’s lips on him. Steve absently rubbed the feeling from his mouth then his eyes flickered to Coulson, who was watching them with an impartial eye, then back to Tony. He had to tell Tony what happened, he would never hide this from him, but had to do it in private. Steve did not know how he was going to react but he knew it should not be done in front of Coulson. Steve reassured Tony, “I am totally healed.”

“Where have you been this entire time?” Coulson asked.

Tony sat next to him and tightly clutched his hand. Guilt bubbled in Steve’s stomach. If Tony knew what he had done with Bucky…

Steve squeezed Tony’s hand and said, “I ran after Bucky and caught up to him in an alleyway. He said my name…I thought he was remembering so I let him get close and he attacked me…” Steve bit down on his lip and looked down guiltily. “Bucky had moved me after I lost consciousness. When I came to he told me what little he remembered…” Steve left off with a frown. Craving intermingled with his remorse as he remembered what happened next. His shame grew upon the feeling.

He was disgusting. How could he do this to Tony? And to Bucky? He was stringing them both along and will end up hurting both of them. He thought he got a handle on his feelings and had chosen Tony…Steve rubbed the feeling of Bucky off his lips again and flushed with shame. Guilt was flooding through his system, making him feel nauseated.

When he was younger, he had dreamt of countless scenarios where Bucky came on to him like that and, for a moment, Steve gave into his younger self’s desires. He immersed himself back into the past and forgot all about the present and Tony… Steve rubbed his lips again and called himself all kinds of names ranging from idiot to bastard.

He wished he could take it all back but a small part of him, the part of him that had dreamed up those scenarios with Bucky, was glad and it disgusted Steve all the more.

Tony rubbed his back and murmured something sweetly to him. He could tell Steve was upset and it hurt Steve all the more.

Neither Tony nor Coulson asked anymore of him and they drove back to the tower in relative silence.

Coulson dropped them off and promised to come back tomorrow, a few hours before the detective, in order to go over Steve’s statement before the police officer.

“We’re going to have to wash the blood out of your hair before seeing Peter,” Tony murmured gently as he steered Steve into the elevator. “Jarvis, take us to my floor.”

“Very well, Sir.”

Tony continued, “Ben came as soon as he found out what happened. He’s been with Peter ever since but he’s scared. Pete saw you get hurt. He didn’t understand why you left…I don’t understand why you left,” Tony added gruffly, his last two statements bordered on anger.

Steve glanced down at Tony and saw he was visibly upset.

“Tony…”

“It was fucking stupid,” Tony hissed. “He could have killed you.”

“He didn’t…” Steve whispered, peering at his feet.

The elevator opened to Tony’s apartment but neither of them moved to leave.

“…Then what the fuck did he do? Why are you so quiet? Why do you look like somebody killed a cute, baby bunny in front of you?” Tony growled. He was not looking at Steve but was glaring straight ahead at nothing in particular. Steve gulped. Tony read him like a book. He knew something happened.

“He told me he loved me,” Steve whispered, staring straight ahead like Tony. From the corner of his eye he saw Tony twitch. Neither of them told the other that they loved each other. Steve loved him and he knew Tony cared for him deeply. Steve winced and dropped his head as he felt himself grow smaller. Tony did not say anything so Steve whispered, “He kissed me…and…and I — I kissed him…”

A hiatus of silence seemed to separate them even though neither of them moved but then Tony ran his hand over his mouth and muttered, “Fuck.”

Neither of them moved until Tony whispered, “It was more than just a kiss.”

“W-We did not have sex,” Steve gasped, turning to Tony.

Tony did not look at him as he stated, “But you kissed him _back_.”

Their conversation in the hospital came back to him. Tony had said since Steve did not kiss Bucky he did not cheat. There was nothing for Tony to forgive.

Now was a whole other story.

Steve regretted it all and wished he could go back and push Bucky away as soon as he latched on to his hand. The last thing he would want to do is hurt Tony, especially in this way.

"I did...I did kiss him back," Steve confirmed.

 _"Why?"_ Tony hissed, turning to him with his fists clenched at his sides. He demanded, "Why would you do that? Was he threatening you?? Did he force you-?"

Steve flinched and his stomach clenched uncomfortably. He kept his gaze down, unable to meet Tony's eyes. Steve whispered, "...He did not force me. I just... gave in."

"Gave... _in?"_ Tony asked hoarsely. Steve could feel his eyes on him but he could not meet his gaze. Tony sounded like he was going to be sick when he reasoned, "You let him - you - _you_ wanted him."

Steve flinched again and bit down on his lips. He could not lie to Tony but he could not hurt him either...

Yet his silence was enough of an answer to his boyfriend.

Tony stepped out of the elevator and Steve did not move from where he stood. He was rooted like an ancient tree with roots that dug down deep into the earth. He was swaying and if he lift a single foot, if he pulled out any of those roots, that tree would come crashing down.

As Tony walked away, every inch that separated them ripped at Steve’s heart all the more.

“Jarvis, please take Captain Rogers to his floor and deny him access to my apartment and the workshop,” Tony stated, his back to Steve.

“Tony—,” Steve gasped, his voice strained. He felt like he was having an asthma attack. His chest was being constricted and only the tiniest bits of oxygen seemed to slip past his swollen throat.

He could not ask Tony for forgiveness but he selfishly needed it. He could not imagine being separated from him, even just for a day.

Tony did not turn around upon the utterance of his name.

“Yes, Sir,” Jarvis stated to Tony’s command and the metal doors sealed between Steve and Tony. Jarvis said, “I am sorry, Master Rogers but I cannot go against Sir’s orders. Shall I take you to your floor? Master Parker is on the communal floor and I am sure the others will make sure he will not see you until you are ready.”

Steve wrapped his arms around himself and fell back against the metal wall. Tears began to drip down his cheeks. He tried to answer Jarvis but his lips were trembling and his throat was so tight that he would only be able to squeak if he tried.

Tony had once confessed to him that one of the hardest things Tony could give to a person was his trust. Obadiah Stane had been like a father to Tony and, after he tried to kill Tony, Tony could never open his heart as easily to others again.

Steve had taken his heart and trust and wrenched it from his chest in a vicious pull when he kissed Bucky back.

He betrayed Tony and there was nothing he could do to take it back.

He crumpled to the floor and visualized their relationship crumbling before his eyes.

“…I shall take you to your apartments, Master Rogers,” Jarvis stated gently and the elevator began to move.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this next chapter is heavily influenced by Iron Man 3... Some scenes and lines I literally copied straight from the movie but there are major differences as well since Tony is in a relationship with Steve and not Pepper.

Peter slept with Steve like he did every night but…that night the bed felt empty and cold. Steve constantly felt himself reaching out for Tony, only to meet open air. In the few weeks Tony had shared his bed he had grown accustomed to it. His absence was like another nail in his coffin.

He could not sleep. The precious content feeling he got whenever Tony was by his side was gone and was replaced by a horrible, acidic burning deep in his abdomen. To distract himself, he thought of what he would say to Tony in the morning. He spent hours on it and came up with countless speeches and apologies he would make to him.

But come morning, Tony did not come to breakfast. After the meal, Peter was distracted by Thor as the large man was telling him one of his tales of Asgard. Steve stepped away to ask Jarvis where Tony was only to find out that he was no longer in the Tower, in fact, he was no longer in the state.

“Master Hogan drove Sir to his private jet this morning. He will arrive in California within the hour. Shall I inform him of you inquiry? There is a Jarvis uplink in both the plane and Sir’s phone.”

“No,” Steve gasped, his mouth dry. “Y-You don’t have to….” Steve clenched his fists then asked, “Did he leave because of me, Jarvis?”

“…Sir has displayed similar actions in the past,” Jarvis stated, almost carefully and Steve could not help but wonder how human Tony had made his AI. Jarvis seemed to know when to be gentle during tense situations and be almost as sarcastic as Tony during the light hearted ones. Jarvis continued, “When Sir and Mistress Potts annulled their relationship, Sir came here while Mistress Potts remained in the Malibu house. He has a history of running away, Master Rogers.”

Steve scowled at the ground and asked in a small voice, “Do you think he will forgive me?”

Jarvis paused as if he was considering his words.

“...Sir follows the teachings of many wise men,” Jarvis stated. “One of his favored, Mahatma Gandhi, stated, ‘The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute to the strong.’ Sir is anything but ‘weak,’ Master Rogers.”

“Thank you, Jarvis,” Steve whispered, gratitude seeped into the words but not his posture. He was tense, unable to accept the analogy.

Tony was the strongest man he knew but that did not change the fact that Steve was weak. He was torn between what he had with Tony and what he had wanted with Bucky.

\---

“Where’s Unca Tony?” Peter asked, clutching his Iron Man action figure to his chest.

Steve’s fingers dug into his sketchbook as he looked down at his son and saw the toy in his arms. Steve had been sitting in the community living room with his sketchbook open on his lap. He had tried to distract himself and draw but his pages remained bare.

Peter stood next to him and peered curiously at Steve. He stood a few centimeters above the arm height of the couch. His mind flashed back to when Peter first came to the Tower. All those months ago he barely reached that height.

By the end of the month, Peter was going to be three-years-old. Steve could barely phantom it. It was going to be Peter’s first birthday with Steve. Steve had wanted it to be a memorable affair but Steve had completely forgotten about it because of the drama with Bucky and Tony.

“He has work to do far away,” Steve whispered to his son. He closed his sketchbook and gently reached out to touch the side of Peter’s face. His cheek was round and soft beneath his fingers.

“When he gonna be back?” Peter asked with a small frown. His facial muscles moved slightly underneath Steve’s fingertips. Only a few days had passed but both Peter and Steve felt Tony’s absence. Steve missed hearing his voice and even missed his maddening sarcasm. Peter seemed lost and it broke Steve to see Peter so confused.

“Soon, Petey,” Steve promised, hoping it were true.

He and Tony had not exchanged a word since they parted in the elevator. He was giving Tony his space and he prayed Tony would be willing to forgive him when he returned. Yet, because of his silence, Steve had no idea what Tony was feeling.

Peter crawled up on the couch and nestled into Steve’s side. He tucked his action figure between them and sighed heavily.

“I miss him,” Peter murmured into Steve’s side.

Steve draped his arm over Peter and sighed, “Me too…”

\---

Then next day the Mandarin attacked, this time on American soil.

The madman’s words made Steve’s skin crawl. He had hijacked the networks again and stated, “A true story about fortune cookies. They look Chinese. They sound... Chinese. But they're actually an American invention. Which is why they're hollow, full of lies, and leave a bad taste in the mouth…My disciples just destroyed another cheap American knockoff: the Chinese Theatre. Mr. President, I know this must be getting frustrating, but this season of terror is drawing to a close. And don't worry, the 'Big One' is coming.”

Steve called Tony without a second thought. He heard the phone click as the call transferred and, before Tony could get a word in, Steve rushed in and said, “Look, I know I am your least favorite person right now but we are a part of a team. I cannot lead without you at my side and we need to put aside our differences and work together to stop this Mandarin character.”

“Happy was at the theatre,” Tony stated, his voice dull and listless. Steve inhaled sharply and clutched his phone tightly. All his bravado dissipated and he wished he could take Tony into his arms. Happy Hogan was with Tony longer than Pepper. He was family to Tony.

“Is he alright?”

“Coma,” Tony replied. “Doctors say it’s bad… God, Steve, it’s bad. It’s been bad overall. I can’t sleep anymore. I feel like…ugh, I’m not going to talk about it because I’ll just freak out again and if I have another panic attack in a hospital of all places these doctors will never leave me alone. Ugh. God, I hate this. Happy was only there because he was following this guy…He thought he was helping me… A freaking coma,” Tony gasped. “God, he’s a boxer – a fighter. He can’t go out like this…”

“I will be there by tonight. I will take one of SHIELD’s quinjets and –,” Steve started to say, rising to start packing his and Peter’s things.

“Don’t,” Tony hissed. Steve froze and bit his lip. The acidic burn of discord began to burn in his stomach again.

“I can help, Tony,” Steve whispered. “I understand if you don’t want me there for you but as Captain America…”

“Captain America needs to keep his glorious ass on that side of the country,” Tony stated with obviously forced humor. “Look Cap, the Mandarin hinted at bigger things to come. You know these wackos always go for New York first or if they want to be ‘original’ then D.C. The majority of the major cities are on your side of the country. Last I heard, Nat and Clint were in Afghanistan. You, Thor, and Bruce keep an eye on the east coast. I will keep an eye on the west.”

“Just promise me that you won’t do anything rash,” Steve sighed and Tony laughed, reminding Steve of their good times. The burn in his gut lessened and he didn’t notice that Tony did not promise him anything.

\---

“My name is Tony Stark and I'm not afraid of you. I know you're a coward, so I decided... that _you_ just died, pal. There's no politics here, it's just good old-fashioned revenge. There's no Pentagon. It's just you and me. And on the off-chance you're a man, here's my home address: 10880 Malibu Point, 90265. I'll leave the door unlocked. That's what you wanted, right?”

“Goddamnit,” Steve cursed under his breath as Tony finished his rant. Forget rash, this was downright stupid.

According to the text on the bottom of the screen, Tony had made this announcement not long after he got off the phone with Steve the night prior. Coulson had called them after breakfast and asked if Steve could rein in Tony a little. When he did not know what he was talking about, he told them to turn the news.

“Goddamnit,” he repeated a little louder. The news broadcast switched over to the watch on Tony’s house as all waited for the Mandarin to make his move.

From his place on the floor, Peter’s head snapped up sharply upon his exclamation. He narrowed his eyes at his father. He knew Steve had said a ‘bad’ word. Steve shot Peter an apologetic look as he pulled out his cell phone.

He called Tony and, after several rings, it went to voicemail. Steve bit back another curse. As soon as the phone beeped, Steve hissed into the recorder, “Tony, call me back as soon as you get this! I can’t believe you just broadcasted your address! You’re just asking for trouble! The Mandarin is not some knucklehead villain! _Call me Tony_.”

He hung up and stared grimly at the news broadcast as they continued on the story.

“Tony probably has a plan,” Bruce interjected from the couch, not sounding too confident.

“Yes, the Man of Iron usually is one step ahead of his opponents,” Thor agreed, sounding quite certain of his statement.

“Tony is in pain and is throwing himself at the Mandarin so he can escape it through anger,” Steve hissed. “He is not thinking about the risk. He’s a danger to himself right now!”

“What’s Unca Tony doing?” Peter asked sharply, fear laced his voice. He looked up to Steve, his face displaying unmasked concern, and he clutched his toy tightly.

Steve sighed and knelt next to Peter. He put a hand on his shoulder and murmured, “Uncle Tony is fine…he’s-he’s just being an idiot.”

“Well spoken…” Bruce scoffed from the couch.

“How so?” Thor asked Bruce in confusion.

As Bruce tried to explain his sarcasm to the befuddled Norse God, Steve whispered to Peter, “Don’t worry, Uncle Tony is Iron Man, remember? He is invincible.”

Peter hugged his Iron Man toy to his chest and nodded. A small smile curled the edges of his lips and he whispered, “Cause he is ah superhero, like you.”

Steve’s lips twitched into agreeing smile. To Peter, Steve and the Avengers were indestructible.

His phone began to ring. He sighed in relief when he saw it was Tony calling him.

Steve stood and punctuated every word as he answered, “Tony. What. The. Hell??”

“Hi, honey,” Tony said sweetly. If Tony had not done something so stupid Steve would have melted upon hearing him use such a term of endearment after what Steve did.

Instead, he hissed, “You have got to be kidding me?!” Of course, now he begins to be cordial with him!

“Ok, not honey. How about sweetie pie?”

“Tony, we can discuss pet names later, _after_ you leave Malibu.”

“Uh, no,” Tony replied. “I rather like it here: I get to sit around in my suit all day, helicopters circle the house, Pepper won’t stop trying to pack my luggage—.”

“Tony, this is how normal people behave!” Steve heard Pepper yell in the background, her voice was layered in obvious frustration.

“Hem,” Tony cleared his throat. To Pepper he yelled, “Yes, this is normal. _This is very normal_!”

“ _Tony_!” Steve hissed, trying to regain his attention.

“Cap!” Tony retorted.

“You don’t have to come back here. You can even stay in California! Just get out of that house!” Steve said.

“Tony!” Pepper yelled in the background. “Who is that!?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I forgot his name. You know, I don’t know what I had for breakfast this morning,” Tony replied to her.

“Gluten-free waffles, Sir,” Jarvis replied dryly to Tony.

“That’s right,” Tony said, he could almost hear the smile in his voice.

“Tony,” both Steve and Pepper groaned together. Tony was being obnoxious on purpose to both of them and ignoring the obvious danger.

The doorbell rang on Tony’s end and Tony moaned, “Are we still at ‘ding-dong?’ We’re supposed to be on total security lockdown. Come on, I threatened a terrorist. Who is that?”

“There’s only so much I can do, Sir, when you give the world’s press your home address,” Jarvis stated sardonically.

“Huh,” Tony murmured as his door opened with a slight creak.

“What is it?” Steve asked apprehensively. He felt helpless on the other side of the country. Immediately, his thoughts came up with a number of dastardly villains at the door.

“You probably do not remember me…” A woman’s voice said on the other side of the line and Steve relaxed slightly. He was expecting threats or gunfire. He worried one of the Mandarin’s people might have had the gall to go up to Tony’s front door.

“…Please don’t tell me there is a twelve-year-old kid waiting in the car that I’ve never met,” Tony asked whoever was at the door and Steve narrowed his eyes.

“He’s 13,” the woman replied and Tony made a choking noise. She stated, “No, I need your help.”

“I did not know we were expecting guests,” Pepper dived in. she began to question the newcomer who called herself Maya Henson and Steve took the opportunity to question Tony.

“Tony, seriously, what are you doing?”

“My job, I’m Iron Man, member of the Avengers, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, remember?”

“Typically a superhero prevents danger and does not invite danger to his front door,” Steve retorted smartly.

“I rather he attack here than another theatre,” Tony murmured.

“Tony,” he sighed his name heavily. “Please, stop this. We’ll find him. Come back home.”

“Is it really my home? I thought _we_ had a home but…”

Steve glanced from Peter to the other two on the couch as the conversation turned personal. He stepped out onto the balcony and his eyes trailed over the view of the city. He whispered, “It has not been a home ever since you left…I miss you, Tony. I miss us.”

“Or do you miss the idea of an ‘us?’ Maybe all you really need is an ‘us’ with Barnes?” Tony replied icily.

“What I did with Bucky was wrong and I knew it the instant it happened. It was a mistake and I was an ass. I swear from the bottom of my heart that it will never happen again.”

“You promised me that there was nothing between you. You said we were going to be together,” Tony whispered into the speaker, his voice to low Steve almost could not make it out.

“I know…” Steve whispered back. “I’m sorry.”

“Why do you even want to be with me?” Tony asked suddenly. His voice was louder and filled with hurt. “Why do you want me? I’m almost twenty years older than you. Bucky is near your age…you grew up with him and you have said time and time again that he is your best friend…hell, he’s even a super soldier, so why? Why me? Why not him? You love him too, don’t you?”

Steve bit down on his lip, not knowing how to answer. He wanted to not lie to him. He wanted only to ever tell the truth to Tony but…the truth would hurt.

“I don’t care how old you are and ever since I woke I have considered you my best friend,” Steve started. He paused as he gathered his thoughts and slowly stated, “Tony…I love you.” He sighed, hating having to declare his love to him for the first time over the phone. Tony was silent so Steve continued, “I know it seems like I should cut my losses and just go to Bucky but I am not going to because you are worth it, Tony. You are not something to throw away just cause you’re older or did not grow up with me…You’re special. I love you…I—I love how big your heart is, I love your passion for your work and your friends, I love how the room lights up when you smile…Because of you, I know what love really feels like. What I feel towards Bucky does not compare what I have with you.” Steve inadvertently reached out his hand to touch Tony, who was hundreds of miles away. His fingers curled shut in the empty air and he whispered, “I miss you, Tony. Peter misses you. I miss us. Please, come home.”

Steve stopped talking and waited for Tony’s response with abated breath.

“I miss you too,” Tony whispered back after a long pause. “But I do not…” Tony sighed heavily and murmured, “We need to have this discussion face-to-face. I am not going to have a heart-to-heart with you over the phone…mostly because I am not going to factor out the make-up sex and because it’s better to do this in person. But I also want make-up sex…and a ton of it.”

Steve’s heart soared and he asked “So does this mean you’re coming back?”

“Not until I catch this Mandarin orange,” Tony all but pouted. “But I might be persuaded to leave California if a certain Captain promises to reenact a fantasy of mine and give me an apologetic, lap dance wearing only a star-spangled banana hammock…”

“…And why would I wear a hammock as I dance? And isn’t a lap dance something strippers do?” Steve asked extremely confused. He envisioned himself wearing a hammock like a toga. Why would _that_ be one of Tony’s fantasies?

“Oh my God. Forget everything I just said about Mandarin orange. I am leaving now just to glory in your reaction to banana hammocks. _Do not Google it_! Jarvis lock down the Tower and all the Avenger’s phones against searches for banana hammocks!! Pepper, where’s my luggage? Why haven’t you packed it?! I have been waiting since yesterday to see Steve!”

Steve chuckled and felt his shoulders relax. They had tensed ever since Tony left but he was coming home now. If he was open to a sexual activities then he was certainly giving Steve a chance. He hadn’t lost Tony yet. Everything was going to be alright.

“Do we need to worry about that?” Maya’s voice cut through and Steve heard Tony inhale sharply.

The next instant, the familiar sound of an explosion blasted over the speaker of his phone, so loud, that if Tony screamed, Steve would not have been able to hear it.

“Tony?!” Steve hissed. He turned around and saw both Bruce and Thor standing tensely in front of the television, on the screen a bulbous cloud of flames was rising from the house. Bruce had his phone out and was dialing a number, Coulson or someone in SHIELD probably.

Steve ran inside, repeating into the phone, “Tony?!”

Peter was staring up at the screen, confused and scared. Thor turned to Steve and demanded, “Is the Man of Iron alright? Are you still in communication with him?”

“Ton-?” Steve was about to ask again when he heard a different voice cut through the line.

“S-Steve?” Pepper asked, her voice shaking. "Oh, I'm in Tony's armor... How-?... _Oh, God,"_ she gasped, her voice filling with horrified realization. "He must have sent the suit to me right before the explosion..."

Tony was not joking when he said he had been walking around in his armor. He must have been talking to Steve through the comm link in his helmet. Tony always put those he loved first before himself. Steve knew with the chips in Tony's arm he could control the armor without saying a word. He probably ordered the armor on Pepper before the missile hit.

Steve shivered. What happened to Tony?

“Pepper,” Steve gasped. “Where is Tony?”

“I…I don’t know,” she gasped. “The armor suddenly-.” She inhaled sharply and he heard her move quickly and something hard hit the metal of the suit. She grunted from the impact then hissed, “I got you.”

“I got you first,” Tony retorted briskly to Pepper and Steve sighed in relief. “Like I said we can’t stay here,” Tony added and Steve rolled his eyes.

“Get out of there you two!” Steve said. He saw battle-ready helicopters flying in on the flat screen and his heart dropped. He yelled, “MOVE!”

He heard them start to run, their breathing picked up as they did. There was another blast and Tony yelled, “Get her and go outside!”

“Pepper, what’s going on??” Steve demanded.

“I need to get Maya out,” she gritted.

“What about Tony??” A missile was shot from one of the helicopters and was going straight to the mansion.

“…I don’t know,” she hissed. “He’s still inside.”

The missile hit and another explosion wiped out all sound from his phone speakers and bulbous flames blossomed on the screen again.

“TONY!” Pepper screeched and the breath froze in Steve's throat.

_Please, God, no. Please, let him be alright. Please, God._

“I cannot watch this hounding any longer!” Thor growled, “I shall fly swiftly to his side and aide him!” Thor lifted his hammer and shot out of the room. The glass shattered as Thor flew through it and it went flying in all directions.

“What’s going on Steve? Did Tony get out?” Bruce gasped. He held his own phone in a tight vise and his green eyes stood out in stark contrast to the rest of his face. When Steve stared blankly at him, Bruce gasped, “ _Steve_?”

“I-I-,” Steve gasped.

On the phone, he heard Pepper cry out, more explosions, then Tony grunt directly into the speaker.

“Tony?!” Was he okay? He sounded like he was talking into the speaker. Was the armor back on him??

“Steve, I –,” Tony began but was cut off by another explosion and Tony grunting in pain. Steve eyes were glued to the television screen before him, looking for any signs of his boyfriend in the crumbling house.

Steve felt like he was in the past again, riding on that train. But this time it was not Bucky falling to his death but Tony. Tony was too far to reach but he had to watch and listen to him die.

“Tony, Thor is coming. Hold on!” Steve stepped closer to the television screen trying to find any sign of Tony in the disintegrating house. Steve hissed, “Answer me, baby!”

Tony coughed then sarcastically said, “Oh baby, call me that again.”

“Tony! What’s going on?!”

“A little busy here,” Tony grunted. A large portion of the house began to fall down the cliff.

“Tony?!”

“Jarvis where’s my flight power?!” Tony growled.

“I am working on it, Sir, this suit is a prototype,” Jarvis retorted.

Steve could hear bullets clinking against the armor. He looked up and asked the Jarvis on his end, “Jarvis, are you connected to Tony right now? What is happening?!”

Jarvis stated over the loudspeakers in the tower, “The Jarvis uplink at the Malibu house has been disconnected, Master Rogers. I cannot tell you how much longer the structure will hold but I am still connected to the Mark 42. The armor is heavily damaged but Sir currently has only minor injuries so far. However, his blood pressure is at a dangerously high level as is his respiratory rate.”

One of the three helicopters firing on the house suddenly exploded and Steve heard Tony murmur, “That’s one.”

When Tony hit the second helicopter, he informed them, “That’s two.”

Steve let off a whoop. He and Bruce both smiled at each other.

“Uh oh,” Tony’s voice drew his eyes to the screen and the smile fell off Steve’s face.

“Tony _run_!” The helicopter was falling right on him.

“Going-Going-Go-,” Tony was cut off with a grunt. The house collapsed further and loud bangs and explosions sounded over the phone’s speakers. Tony grunted, yelped, and then moaned painfully.

“Tony?” Steve gasped, hating that he could not be there to help him and hating that he could only listen to Tony struggle and not know what was happening.

“Steve, in the last ten minutes you have said my name more than you ever had the entire time I have known you,” Tony observed with a grunt. In the background, he heard car alarms going off.

“Tony, you need to get out of there,” Steve hissed, ignoring his observation. Large portions of the house were falling in the ocean.

“I—,” Tony grunted. There was a large bang and Tony bit back a moan.

“His suit is experiencing major system failure,” Jarvis informed them.

“I don’t think I’m going to get out,” Tony whispered.

“No, Tony y—!”

Before he could get another word out, the house totally collapsed. Tony’s breathing quickened and became labored as he fought to escape.

In quick succession, Steve heard him hit the water, Tony inhaled sharply, water gurgled in the speakers, Tony started to struggle for breath, spitting out water, and then his armor rattled as he was hit by something. After that there was only a sudden silence.

On the television, the last of the house fell into the ocean and on top of Tony.

Steve listened and watched it all happen numbly. The breath froze in his lungs and his body had solidified into a statue.

His mind could not fathom it all.

Tony was just talking to him. He was going to come home. They were going to talk. They were going to make up. Everything was going to be alright.

“The main Jarvis connection to the Mark 42 has been lost…The suit has an emergency beta Jarvis uplink that will take over if Sir becomes comatose,” Jarvis informed them.

“The last readings you got from Tony,” Bruce whispered, staring at the screen. Steve turned to look at his friend. His mind was still blissfully blank. He could comprehend that he was going into shock. Bruce was clearly trying to remain calm but his voice shook as he asked, “H-How was he, Jarvis?”

“According to the last brain scans, Sir will be unconscious in 2.6 minutes,” Jarvis replied immediately. “Whatever hit Sir had compromised the suit, letting in water, and fractured a few ribs.”

“L-letting in water?” Bruce gasped. The sound of Tony gasping for breath replayed in Steve’s ears and his own memory of drowning in the Atlantic dowsed him back into reality.

Steve fell to his knees and stared blankly at the phone in his hands. The phone screen went black from no longer being used. It was his final connection to Tony and was now totally severed. He gasped, “He’s drowning.”

Steve’s throat tightened and he grasped it, remembering his own drowning: the cold freezing his limbs, the salty water burning his throat and choking him with its soft caress. It was a torturous experience and horribly slow.

Tears blurred his vision and he remembered Tony’s lamentations about Happy. Steve stated what Tony had, his voice came out in a squeak, “He’s a fighter. He can’t go out like this.”

“Papa?” Peter’s voice was tiny and fragile.

Steve turned to him. He forgot he was there. He was there the entire time, sitting on the floor, in front of the TV. He saw the house be destroyed. He heard Tony over the speaker on his phone. His form was blurred in his vision but he could tell Peter was paler than usual and trembling.

“Uncle Tony?” his son squeaked, stating “uncle” correctly for the first time in his life.

Steve went over to him and gathered Peter in his arms and held him tightly against his chest. He did not answer him at first. He waited those 2.6 minutes, waiting, hoping Tony would miraculously appear. He counted out every second and his eyes were locked on the screen, searching the damaged remains of the house with the news crews for any sign of Tony. He tried redialing the number but was told the number was disconnected. He tried again, several times, before giving up.

After five minutes, the truth could no longer be denied. Steve tightened his hold on Peter and gasped, “He’s gone, Peter. Oh God, he’s gone…”

Steve started to tremble and he tried to hold back his tears and be brave for Peter but failed. Peter’s face was inches from his as the tears began to fall down his face and his breath began to hitch in his throat.

“Don’ cry, Papa,” Peter gasped, pulling at his shirt. His voice sounded on the verge of tears as he watched Steve crumbled before him. “Uncle Tony will come back…”

Steve shook his head and gritted his teeth, unable to tell his son any differently.

Bruce knelt in front of Steve and wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders, drawing him into an embrace. Steve grabbed the edge of Bruce’s sweater and buried his face into his shoulder.

“He was an incredible man,” Bruce gasped, trying to comfort Steve. His own voice was wet and harsh as he held back tears of his own.

Bruce’s statement only made it worse. The last time he saw Tony alive, his back had been turned to him because Steve had betrayed him.

That was going to be his last memory of him, betraying that incredible man.

They did not notice Thor arrive a few minutes later on the screen and begin his fruitless search through the rubble of the house. The camera’s focused on his efforts and captured his frustration.

SHIELD got the news helicopters to vacate the area so they also could not see their fellow Avenger give up the search and hunch his shoulders in defeat.

\---

Tony Stark, superhero, billionaire, philanthropist, inventor, and the love of Steve’s life was gone, lost to the icy embrace of the Pacific Ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have seen Iron Man 3 because otherwise you might be freaking out right now! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for brief mentioning of suicide.

Ben came as soon as he heard what happened to Tony.

He found Peter and Steve sitting outside the door to Tony’s workshop. Even dead, his last protocols remained active and he could not enter the room or go to Tony’s floor. He begged Jarvis to let him in, he wanted to be where Tony once was and inhale his scent before it faded and pretend that he was still there but the AI stayed resolute in his master’s final commands.

“I am sorry Master Rogers, I cannot go against Sir’s orders,” was all he would say.

If it weren’t for Peter, Steve would have yelled obscenities at Jarvis and attempted to tear the door down. Instead, he held Peter close to his heart and listened to his breathing to reassure himself is son was still alive. Peter suffered from hiccups that shook his entire body and an endless amount of tears that did not stop flowing. Other than the hiccups, Peter did not make a noise. He simply held onto Steve’s dog-tags firmly and scrunched his eyes closed tightly, as if he was trying to avoid seeing a world without Tony in it.

Steve wished he could wrap Peter in a cocoon and protect him from all of this, the reality of death and the loss of a loved one. He was at a loss on how to comfort his son. In the past, all he needed to do was hold his boy and all of Peter's fears or pain would go away. It was the same for Steve, Peter's presence had always calmed him yet now... Tony's loss was so great to both of them that even being with each other was not enough.

“Steve,” Ben whispered. Steve’s head shot up, tears streaming from his own eyes as he watched Peter silently cry. Peter’s eyes shot open and he too looked to Ben.

“Uncle Ben,” Peter whined, his tiny fingers clutched his dog-tags all the tighter, bending the metal slightly under his strong grasp.

Ben knelt in front of them and enveloped his arm around Steve’s shoulders and placed a hand on the side of Peter’s face. Steve wrapped his free arm around Ben and pulled him tightly against him, burying his face in Ben’s neck. Ben’s cologne was sharp, nothing like Tony’s. Tony’s was brisk with a spicy hint but it was always subdued by the scent of motor oil and coffee.

“Oh God, he’s gone. Ben, he’s gone and the last time I saw him _I-I-_ ,” Steve could not get the words out. He betrayed Tony. He broke his heart. He never got to make it better. He never got to tell him in person how much he loved him.

“Shh,” Ben hushed him. He rubbed his back and rocked him gently like Steve would do with Peter. He softly murmured, “He knew how much you cared for him. _Never doubt that._ Regardless of whatever happened between you two, he knew it. Treasure what you had, do not lament it, otherwise your memories will be tarnished.”

“ _Ben_ —,” Steve squeaked.

“Shh,” Ben shushed him. “Come. Get up. You should not sit here. Tony would not want this. Let’s go to your floor and get Peter some ice cream.”

“I don’ wan’ any,” Peter whispered morosely into Steve’s chest. Steve dropped his gaze to his son and his heart constricted.

“…He’s right, though” Steve murmured wetly to Peter. His mind reflected to Tony’s caring nature and how upset he would be to see them in such a state. “Tony would not want this…”

Ben slid back and stepped up. He held out his hand to Steve and helped pull him up. Steve cradled Peter closely to his chest and Ben gently grasped his elbow and led him to the elevator.

Ben continued to lead him even in his apartment and sat him down on the couch. Steve flinched as he touched the soft cushions. He and Tony sat on the same sofa and held each other innumerable times. He almost lost his virginity to Tony on this couch. He will never again cuddle with him on the couch, kiss him on the couch, or even see him simply lounge on the couch. He felt his heart break all over again.

“I am going to make some lunch,” Ben whispered lightly.

“We don't have much food in the kitchen,” Steve murmured. All the food was kept in the main kitchen on the community floor. The Avengers always ate together…His mind flashed back to the countless meals he had shared, sitting next to Tony. He crumpled in on himself and murmured, “I don’t feel hungry.”

“You have to eat, Steve,” Ben stated disapprovingly. In the months since Ben met him, he had become well acquainted with his and Peter’s fast metabolisms.

“Can…Can you feed Peter?” Steve asked, thinking only of his son's condition. Peter had not eaten his lunch or afternoon snacks. He got to his feet, separating himself from the couch and the memories it contained. He stepped up to Ben and held the toddler out to the older man. Peter frowned, he was split from wanting to stay in his mutually upset father’s arms to escaping into the calmer hold of his uncle’s.

“Ben, I am going to pack some clothes for Peter and me. I-I can't stay in the Tower. Everything reminds me of him. It is making me insane. I need to clear my head.” Like this he was more destructive than helpful for Peter.

Ben’s face crumpled sympathetically and he whispered, “I understand.” He held out his arms and said, “Give me Peter. I will feed him while you pack.”

Steve transferred Peter from his arms to Ben’s. Peter went with only a murmur of discomfort as the dog-tags were pulled out of his hold. Ben handled Peter tenderly and whispered to him, “Are you sure you do not want any ice cream? I bet there’s some rocky road left in the freezer.”

Steve turned away before he could hear his son’s answer.

He went to his room first. He went straight to his closet and avoided the clothes Tony had left on the floor. He had not wanted to touch them until Tony came back and now…His mind went blank.

He could not imagine a future without him.

He threw clothes into a duffel from his closet, not really paying attention to what he got and hurried out of his bedroom.

In Peter’s bedroom, Steve moved more slowly. He made sure to grab everything his son would need for a long stay away from the Tower. Clothes, toys, and other essentials were needed and he packed them all away in a second duffel. He huffed the bag, plus the bag filled with his own clothes, over his shoulder and was making his way out of the room when he paused by Peter’s bed.

Tony had bought a small bed, made for a toddler, with tiny bars on the sides to keep him from falling over the edge. Peter only used the bed for naptime since he always slept with Steve at night. The comforter was red, the sheets and pillow were white, and the mattress covering was blue. When Tony first met Peter he treated Peter like a miniaturized version of Steve and all the original gadgets he gave Peter were always the patriotic red, white, and blue. Later, the gifts became more about Peter’s likes, like the workstation he made him or the action figures of the Avengers.

Steve ran his hand over Peter’s comforter and, out of nowhere, Bucky’s words came back to him.

_“If you ever need me, hang a red cloth from the western point of the tower and I will come.”_

Steve’s fingers crushed the red comforter into his fist.

 _Need_.

He _needed_ to escape this horror so much.

He closed his eyes and he irrevocably lost himself in the memory of Bucky holding and kissing him. The act had erased Steve’s mind once. Maybe it could happen again…

His hand shot away from the comforter and he internally flinched away from the train of thought. If he never let Bucky do those things to him in the first place this would have never happened! Tony would still be alive!

The sudden revelation sent a cold sensation to run up his toes all the way up to the base of his neck. Steve doubled over the bed, catching himself on the mattress, as the guilt suddenly crippled him.

Steve let it happen.

It _was_ Steve’s fault.

Tony was dead because of what Steve did.

He killed Tony.

Another bout of tears threatened to spill from his eyes and he strangled Peter’s comforter in his hands. He forced himself to breathe and, after a number of gulps, he was able to prevent himself from any crying more. His limbs began to shake and he drew Peter’s blanket to his chest and pretended it was his son he was holding.

His mind inadvertently went back to the last funeral he attended over seventy years ago. His mother had died long before World War II and Steve becoming Captain America, Steve had grieved similarly afterwards, swallowing his tears and his body trembling with the contained grief instead. Bucky had been there and, despite Steve’s protests he stayed with him the entire night. It was because of Bucky, Steve was able to manage his mother's grief. His only explanation for staying with him being, “It’s you and me till the end of the line.”

Steve always believed that to be the case. No matter what evils he faced or the wrongs in the world, he thought it was all going to be alright because Bucky was going to be with him to the end.

When he thought Bucky dead, the world became dark and devoid of a happy future. When he woke in the twenty-first century, Tony had taken that mantle and Steve had light in his life again.

“But now it’s dark again,” Steve hissed into the comforter. Tony was dead. Bucky was no longer Bucky. Steve wondered if Peter would be enough to bring back the light again but he instantly threw away the thought. Before Steve found Peter, he thought himself cursed. People died around him and nothing went in his favor. His joy with Peter and Tony clouded him from it and he thought it was over, but he was wrong. He was still cursed. Peter could not be that light because then Steve would clearly be marking him for death.

Peter would be safer without him. He could grow up with Ben and May and no would have to know he was Steve's son. He would have an ordinary, safe childhood. Steve could not give that to him. It sickened him to think it but horrified him more with the truthfulness to it. Peter really would be better off without him. If he had been Richard's son instead of Steve's he would have never been experimented on by Hydra, he would have never been terrorized by Loki or General Ross, he would have grown up knowing his mother, and he would never have to worry about avoiding the paparazzi or a villain bent on revenge against Steve.

“Why do you hate me?” Steve whispered harshly into the comforter. He looked up and asked God, “Why do you give me so much after all this hardship and then make it so easy tear it away??”

He received no answer and he was not expecting one. He was damned why would God answer him?

He stared blankly at the comforter and bitterly swallowed back a lump in his throat.

He mutely made up his mind. He left the duffel bags on the floor and headed out of the room, dragging the thick blanket behind him in his wake.

Remorse coursed through his system as he considered using the blanket to contact Bucky but a need overwhelmed that remorse. It was the same need he felt when he ran after Bucky, despite Tony’s protests and his own rationale. It was the same need that propelled him to the elevator.

“Steve?” Ben questioned.

“I will be back in an hour, there is something I have to take care of...” Steve retorted, contorting the blanket in his grasp. He did not look his way, feeling guilty for doing what he was doing. Maybe his grief was clouding his judgment but at that moment Steve knew he had to contact Bucky.

The elevator opened and Steve stepped inside before Ben could respond.

“To the roof,” Steve ordered and the elevator began to rise.

“…Master Rogers, may I inquire why you wish to go to the roof?” Jarvis asked.

“I am not going to hurt myself, Jarvis.”

“My knowledge of your character and your deep connection to young Master Parker brought me to the same conclusion…Yet I had to be sure. You shared a similar connection with Sir and his passing must have been traumatic for you.”

“I understand,” Steve gritted, his hold on the comforter contorted slightly.

The elevator opened the rooftop access room which was a small area with only the elevator access, the stairwell access, and the double doors to the roof itself.

Steve went through the double doors and was instantly hit by strong winds that whipped the red comforter back and forth in his hold. Steve walked to the west corner of the Tower and looked over the edge.

For a moment, he contemplated what it would be like to fall those hundreds of stories. With his serum, would he survive? Was he still mortal? Could he die like anyone else…like Tony? Steve shook his head to rid himself of such thoughts. He would not do it and even if he really wanted to he could not do that to Peter. Even though he was a horrible father, he was still his father and Peter loved him.

Thinking of Peter, Steve felt a twinge of guilt and almost ran back into the building. He stopped himself because he knew as soon as he held his son again he would start crying and he could not do that to Peter. He needed to go to Bucky. He needed him to help him with his grief again.

Steve sat down and held the edge of the comforter. The winds carried the blanket over the edge and it billowed and flapped madly in his grip. He watched the world go by with the red comforter always in the edge of his vision. Vehicles would stop and go at the whim of the traffic lights and the pedestrians were an ever moving mass, indistinguishable from such a height.

Steve wanted to see Bucky. Despite the fact he had a hand in helping push Tony away, Bucky was still his best friend and the only person he could truss the full impact of his grief with. He had to be strong for the others but not for Bucky, Bucky could be strong for him like he was the night of his mother's funeral.

He only had to wait less than a minute before the phone in his pocket started to buzz. He took a single hand off the blanket and slipped the phone out of his pocket. It was an unknown number but he knew who it was. Bucky had kept the number he gave him.

“Bucky,” Steve answered the phone.

“I see you,” Bucky replied.

“Can we meet?” Steve asked in a tight whisper.

The answering silence on the phone made Steve second guess calling Bucky. Maybe he was regretting ever taking Steve to that hotel. Bucky answered slowly, “…Brooklyn Bridge. The usual spot.”

His heart clenched as he remembered the spot on the bridge he and his friend used to sit and watch the boats float by. _Bucky remembered it too_.

“I will be there,” Steve promised and let go of Peter’s comforter. The blanket snapped loudly then quickly disappeared, following the wind’s current behind a neighboring skyscraper.

Steve sighed heavily and placed the phone on the edge of the tower. He pushed himself up and looked at the world beneath him one last time before turning away.

\---

Steve left without a word to anyone. He feared Ben would be the voice of reason. Or, with one look at Peter, he would realize how stupid he was being. Bruce would have done all within his power, save using the Hulk, to stop him and would probably have SHIELD on him before he stepped outside the building. Thor could do nothing because he was still in California, refusing to give up.

Jarvis did not impede him in any way nor said anything about his phone call. The AI must have heard it but kept his opinions to himself.

Steve left his phone on the roof and took nothing with him for SHIELD to track. Wearing only the clothes he put on that morning, and making no attempt at disguising himself, Steve hopped on his motorcycle and went straight to the Brooklyn Bridge.

He set his internal clock. He would be gone no more than an hour, two at most. Peter would be fed and hopefully calm down without Steve and his grief to upset him more...

He made himself focus on the task of reaching the bridge and kept all other thoughts at bay.

He was surprised to find Bucky was actually at the spot. He expected for him to wait in the shadows until Steve got there and then sneak up on him. Yet Bucky was there, leaning against the railing and watching the boats go by just as they used to decades prior.

That was where the similarities ended. He was not as relaxed as he would have been in his youth and Steve could make out concealed weapons on his person. His longer hair, shielded his gaze so Steve could not make out his entire face. He wore a dirty jacket and leather gloves. His metal arm was entirely hidden except for the tiny space where his wrist was exposed, anyone could have mistaken it for a watch.

Bucky tilted his head slightly as Steve pulled his bike onto the sidewalk and next to Bucky. Steve remained sitting on the bike as he looked out over the water with Bucky.

Steve knew he was drawing stares, not just for unorthodox parking but also because of who he and Bucky unquestionably were.

They shared a few minutes of silence and Steve could half pretend that the last few years did not happen. He could pretend that Bucky was sane, Tony had yet to be born, and he was not internationally known and no one was sneaking quick pictures of them.

Steve dropped his head and closed his eyes, cutting off his connection to the illusionary past.

“Tony is dead,” Steve whispered to Bucky.

Bucky’s feet scrapped the rough concrete of the bridge as he turned and Steve lifted his gaze to him. Bucky stared at him with a frown then reached out a single hand to him.

Steve stared at the extended hand then reached out to Bucky. Bucky moved before he could touch him, shooting forward and wrapping his arms around Steve. Steve’s legs shot out to either side of the bike to keep it from falling over beneath him.

Bucky buried his face in Steve’s neck and Steve tensed, aware of the eyes on them and aware of the wrongness of this feeling so right.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered. “I hated the guy but only because he had you. I would have never wished this on him…or you.”

Steve felt himself dissolve into Bucky. He tightly wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into Bucky’s shoulder. He began to shake and felt tears beginning to form again.

Bucky gently pulled himself out of Steve’s grip and slid in front of him onto the bike. Steve moved back to accommodate him and buried his face in his back.

“Let’s get away from the peanut gallery,” Bucky whispered and started the bike. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s torso and hid his face in the center of his back. He inhaled deeply, hoping to smell the earthy musk he usually associated with Bucky. The smell was not right, it had changed with Bucky and was more metallic than earthy.

The bike rumbled to life and they took off with a jolt as Bucky cranked the gas. They jumped off the sidewalk and from there Steve could only guess where Bucky took him. He kept his eyes shut tightly and concentrated on breathing normally.

Bucky’s alien metallic scent burned into the back of his throat.

They did not ride for long and by the looks of the brownstone they stopped at Steve guessed they were still in Brooklyn.

“This place looks worse for wear than our old place,” Steve observed. He tried to smile and make it come out as sort of a joke but his voice was hoarse and he only sounded sad.

“There should still be a Hydra safe house here,” Bucky murmured, slipping off the bike without looking at Steve. He avoided the front door and went around back.

“You haven’t been sleeping here?” Steve asked.

“No,” Bucky grunted as he jumped the fence. Steve quickly followed with a fluid jump and Bucky continued, “I’ve been holding up around the Tower, keeping an eye on you.”

“…You don’t have to keep an eye on me 24/7, Buck,” Steve whispered, feeling bad.

“You’re my mission,” Bucky replied simply as if it explained everything and, sadly...it did.

Bucky led them down open basement stairs along the foundation of the building. The door at the bottom looked old and the light over it was broken.

“You’re free,” Steve reminded him. “You are your own person. You don’t have to do missions anymore. You can live your life now!”

Bucky knelt in front of the door and pulled two metal picks from his pocket. He jimmied the lock in under a minute, staying silent the entire time, refusing to reply to Steve.

Steve almost groaned with annoyance. Bucky was still as stubborn as he used to be, that was for sure. He was glad for the distraction. He rather focus on Bucky and his ‘mission’ than Tony or what Steve was doing there.

Bucky withdrew a gun from his coat then opened the door with a quick swing. He charged in and Steve reacted automatically as Bucky’s back up. He followed him in and wished his old friend had given him a gun.

The safe house was empty so they did not need to defend themselves. It was a small place with a kitchen, half the size of his bathroom in the Tower, with a tiny area connected to it designated to be the living room, a bathroom big enough to hold a miniscule toilet, sink, and thin shower, and a bedroom dominated by a full sized mattress devoid of sheets. Everything was old, falling apart, and dusty. No one had set foot into the apartment in a long time.

“Stay here,” Bucky grumbled. “I have to ditch the bike.”

“My bike?”

“They could be tracking it,” Bucky explained.

“No one is tracking my bike,” Steve retorted. “Tony removed all of SHIELD’s bugs and promised not to—…” He trailed to a stop as he thought of his late boyfriend. His heart squeezed painfully and he looked down as he whispered, “Bucky, forget the bike…Listen, I contacted you because-because I…I was thinking about my mother’s funeral. And you…You stayed with me the entire night, remember?” He paused in his retelling, wondering how much he would have to explain to him.

Bucky frowned and dropped his gaze as he replied, “No, no I don’t remember that…”

Steve smiled sadly and explained, “I went to the funeral alone and you ran into me on the way back. When we got to my place, I told you I would be fine on my own and you barged in like you owned the place and stayed with me the rest of the night. I was grateful…I had put on a show of being brave but I did not want to be alone. You distracted me and comforted me.”

Bucky suddenly looked nervous and he asked, “Do-Do you want me to again?”

“Your presence is all I need,” Steve whispered. He crossed the room and hugged Bucky. Bucky stood stiffly in his arms then rigidly wrapped his arms around him.

“Should…Should I kiss you?” Bucky asked with a befuddled tone. Steve mirrored Bucky by going ridged in his hold.

Guilt instantly washed over him as he remembered the cause of Tony’s death. He felt guilty enough for wanting Bucky’s presence, it would kill him to think of kissing Bucky.

“Please don’t,” Steve gasped, his fingers dug into Bucky’s flesh for an instant then he lessened his hold slightly.

Bucky inhaled sharply but did not say anything more. After a moment’s hesitation, he hugged Steve tighter and Steve let himself relax into Bucky’s mold. With his right hand, Bucky gently pet the back of his head.

They remained embraced and silent. Steve did not know how long he stood in Bucky’s arms. It was long enough that Bucky’s metal arm was no longer cold against his flesh but his friend’s form remained ridged. When his mother died, Bucky was warm and loving to Steve now he did not feel it. Bucky was clearly uncomfortable. Steve drew back and whispered, “I’m sorry. _I am_ _selfish_. I should not have contacted you…”

Bucky regarded him curiously and stated, “From what I remember, you are the exact opposite of selfish…”

Steve laughed dryly at his own expense and Bucky eyed him with concern.

“I only contacted you because I needed to get out of that Tower. It had nothing to do with you or me. It’s all about Tony and my wanting to block out the pain of losing him,” Steve hissed, clenching his fists. He could feel the tears forming again but ignored it. His voice was husky as he stated, “I was not thinking about you and me. I just wanted what we had before…This is why I am selfish, Bucky. I was not thinking about your feelings, only mine. I’m a selfish bastard and you should—.”

Bucky was on him before he could finish his rant. He cupped his hands around his neck and kissed him so hard all the breath escaped Steve’s lungs.

Steve let out a strangle squeak in protest and Bucky’s fingers dug into his jaw.

“Fuck you and your selfish feelings,” Bucky growled. He grabbed a fistful of Steve’s hair with his metal hand and drew back his head. He hissed against his lips, “You don’t want me to kiss you? You want me to be pissed at you? You want me to kick you out of here. Fine. But I am still going to look out for you. You are still my mission…” Bucky paused and his faced relaxed from his snarl into something tender. He whispered, “Or do you want me to make you forget him? Fine. Done. It is going to happen unless you command otherwise.” Bucky rubbed his semi-hard length into Steve’s thigh and Steve inhaled sharply. Bucky obviously had a carnal idea on how to make him forget.

Bucky continued, “ _I do not want you to command otherwise_ , Steve. Those are my feelings on the matter. So what were you going to say just now? Are you still going to ask me to make you go…” Bucky pushed Steve into the wall and thrust his hips into Steve’s. He whispered in his ear, “Or are you going to ask me to make you come? Which is it, Steve?”

Steve gasped sharply as Bucky bit the sensitive flesh on his neck. Steve cupped Bucky’s face and Bucky growled in approval.

“I take this as you being selfish,” Bucky rasped against his flesh. He nibbled on his collarbone, peeking out from behind the neck of his shirt.

“No,” Steve gasped, his voice coming out as more of a pained gasp than an actual word.

Bucky stilled against him then lifted his head. Steve was shaking violently and even though his eyes were crushed shut, hot tears were beginning to fall down his face. Steve’s fingers dug into Bucky’s scalp and he gasped, “I’m sorry. Buck, I’m sorry. I can’t…Tony—Tony-. I know he’s gone but…” He blinked open his eyes, his lashes heavy with salty tears. He met Bucky’s shocked gaze and whispered, “I wanted you, Bucky but I-I did not know until he was gone but I _needed_ him. God, I need him so much and nothing can fill that. Not even you,” Steve whispered, lightly caressing the side of his face with one of his thumbs. Bucky slowly pushed himself off Steve, his expression stark. Steve grabbed his shirt so he could not escape and whispered, “I just want it to be like when my mother died…I want you to be there, be my friend…I wanted that feeling of being loved.” Steve dropped his head on Bucky’s shoulder and whispered, “Be my rock, Bucky, please, if we start to kiss then we’re both going to become undone. Just hold me and lie.”

“Lie?” Bucky whispered. Steve lifted his head and met Bucky’s confused eyes.

“Tell me it is all going to be alright.”

Bucky ran his fingertips over Steve’s forehead, pushing back the invisible fringe of hair Steve had cut off long ago. He stared deeply into Steve’s eyes and something flickered in his stormy vision.

“…When your mom died you acted tough. You tried to shoulder the pain all by yourself…” Bucky observed.

Steve chuckled dryly, “I thought you did not remember that night…”

“I remembered it just now…”

Steve sighed and murmured, “I am a different man now. That Steve kept his true self a secret and bottled everything up…Tony…Tony drew me out.”

“He made you weaker,” Bucky said curtly.

Anyone else would have been insulted but Steve just smiled sadly at Bucky and whispered, “He made me whole. I just did not see it until it was too late.”

“…And what do I make you?”

Steve gulped, his throat tight with emotion. What did Bucky do to him indeed? His best friend and first love, what was he to Steve? Bucky deserved an answer. They had danced around this long enough.

Steve grasped both his cheeks and pulled down his head to kiss his forehead. Bucky moved compliantly and Steve rested his head on his chest and wrapped his arms around his neck. He whispered, “I love you, Bucky. I always loved you. You were my first love…”

“But you love him more,” Bucky whispered for him. “He’s gone, Steve. I can comfort you. I can make you feel better…Please, let me.”

Steve shook his head and whispered, “He may be physically gone but…he is not gone from my heart.”

“Stubborn idiot,” Bucky murmured. He sighed heavily and whispered, “I am still stubborn too. You know I am not leaving this time? Just like with your Ma, I’m here till the end…till the end of the line…Only this time I may be more of a danger to you than help…”

Steve pulled back and smiled gratefully at Bucky. He stated, “As long as you’re with me, Bucky. I will be just fine.”

Bucky‘s expression was blank as he ran his fingers through Steve’s hair. His blue eyes studied Steve as if searching for something. He leaned forward and chastely kissed Steve on the lips. Steve was about to murmur a protest but Bucky placed his fingers on his lips, silencing him.

“I’m stubborn,” Bucky reminded him. “And I love you, no matter what you say.”

Steve nodded, accepting his answer and slipped from his arms.

Bucky distracted him by asking about his past. They went over the basics at first but Bucky was able to coax him into talking about their funnier escapades. He got Steve to laugh, drawing the first true grin he had seen from Bucky since the 1940s.

The time limit he set for himself came and went and Steve did not notice. Steve fell asleep on the empty mattress, exhausted by both his grief for Tony and exhilaration for Bucky.

Bucky slid into the bed and smiled at Steve’s slack jaw then settled down for the night, spooning himself to Steve’s side and wrapping his human arm over his side. It woke Steve. He placed his hand over Bucky’s, thinking it was Tony’s. But as he noticed the larger size of the body behind him and completely woke, he remembered Tony was gone and all the pain and shame came rushing back to him.

Steve should have pushed Bucky away but instead pushed himself back into the fold of his body and held his hand tightly to his chest. Steve curled into a ball and Bucky curled around him and held him close in his embrace. Bucky lightly kissed the back of his neck and Steve broke.

His entire body shuddered and with a hitching breath, he unleashed it all. Bucky held him tightly and did not break away, even when Steve got to a point when he desperately tried to convince himself it was not his fault and fought against his hold and yelled bitterly at him. No matter how horribly he cursed and hurt him, Bucky did not let go.

And when Steve lay limply in his hold, sobbing his heart out Bucky held him gently, lightly petting his head as he did.

\---

Miles away on top of the tower, Steve’s phone rang until it went to voicemail.

The caller apologized for not calling sooner and told Steve that he was alive and that, while he was unconscious, the suit had flown him to the last coordinates he had looked up right before the attack. He then randomly added he had stolen a poncho from a wooden Indian, probably to distract Steve from the fact that he had admitted to being unconscious and thereby hurt. He said he was sorry for making him worry and apologized again about not being able to come home yet.

The caller paused then whispered, “I’m so sorry. What I did was selfish and stupid and I won’t do it again…Once I take care of the Mandarin I promise I will come home and not just to the Tower but to you too. You’re my home, Steve.” Tony Stark paused then, before hanging up, whispered, “I love you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Steve was woken violently.

Bucky had both his hands on his throat and was snarling like an animal. When their eyes connected, Bucky’s hold tensed then fell away altogether.

“Steve, sorry,” Bucky gasped. “I-I’ve never woken with someone in my bed. I thought you were an enemy.”

Bucky’s chest was heaving as he gasped for breath and he was refusing to meet Steve’s eyes by staring at a point above Steve’s shoulder. He looked confused and scared. Steve tentatively reached out and grasped Bucky’s arm. He whispered, “I am fine. I-I understand, Buck.”

Steve dropped his gaze with a flush as he remembered the prior night. He was an emotional wreck but Bucky did not take advantage of him though he had clearly wanted to…

Steve did not really wake up until he remembered why he was there and then all his emotional turmoil came crashing back into him. He fell back into the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. His tears had dried on his face and his cheeks were caked with the dried salty liquid. His throat was raw and his head hurt.

“Tony’s dead,” Steve stated, saying it aloud made it more real and final in his mind. A wave of pain washed over him, making his body shudder. He closed his eyes and rubbed them, crushing his eyeballs into his sockets.

Bucky laid down next to Steve, wrapped his arm over his torso, and laid Steve’s head on his chest. He whispered, “Yes, he is.”

Steve curled into Bucky’s body and held him close. Bucky kissed the top of his head but made no motions to go any further. He held Steve until he was able to contain the pain. He did not completely loose it like the night prior and was able to oppress it after several minutes.

As Steve's head cleared, a new guilt washed over him. He had fallen asleep and spent the night. Everyone must have been worried sick about him, Peter especially. His stomach clenched painfully as he thought about his son. Peter must have been distraught. By trying to get better for him, he may have hurt him more than he meant to. His only conciliation was that it had worked, his best friend's presence brought him comfort and Bucky took all his grief without complaint and shouldered the burden with him. Steve knew he could face the world now.

Steve had to get back to Peter but he had to make sure Bucky remembered something first.

Steve pushed himself just enough out of Bucky’s grasp to look up at him, but not enough to leave the safety of his arms.

“Do you remember what you promised last night? About not leaving?” Steve asked breathlessly. Bucky tensed and Steve said, “Please come back with me to the Tower…” Bucky pushed himself up to his elbows and looked sharply away, his gaze going to the door. Was he thinking about bolting? Steve cupped his cheek, trying to make him look back at him, and whispered, “Bucky, please—.”

Bucky’s hand shot to the gun on his hip and he hissed, “We aren’t alo—.”

The door slammed open before Bucky could finish the sentence. Steve froze, half draped over Bucky, whereas Bucky instantly drew his gun and pointed it at the doorway.

Natasha pointed her gun at Bucky’s head and Clint slowly lowered his bow.

Natasha’s gaze revealed nothing but Clint’s eyes flickered with sorrow as he looked at Steve and Bucky. He demanded, “Is this a hostage situation?”

Steve looked from Bucky to his teammates and replied, “No…”

Clint’s face crumpled and Natasha’s eyes flickered with a nameless emotion. Steve knew it looked bad. He and Bucky had been together the entire night and they found them lying together on the mattress, nestling like lovers. Steve flushed with shame and pushed himself off Bucky.

“Put down the gun, boss,” Natasha gritted between clenched teeth and Bucky flinched. Steve saw his eyes widen and he lowered the gun a fraction.

“H-How did you find us? Weren’t you two in the Middle East?” Steve gasped.

“We were called back in after Stark threatened the Mandarin…And as soon as we landed we were looking for you,” Clint replied steely. “It was not hard to find you, you left your vintage bike out on the street right in front of this place.”

“Lower your weapon, boss” Natasha growled, ignoring Steve and Clint’s exchange and stepping closer to Bucky.

Bucky had not looked away from Natasha and her weapon since they entered the room. His expression was oddly speculative and he whispered, “I…know you.”

“She helped me bring down the helicarriers,” Steve explained, nervously looking between the barrel of Natasha’s gun and Bucky’s gun. One speculative twitch from either of them might cause the other to fire.

“No,” Bucky bit out the word like it was something corrupt. He repeated to Natasha, “No, I knew you before.”

“You trained me,” Natasha supplied, both Steve and Clint looked sharply to Natasha. The woman with a checkered past just revealed a _very_ big secret and appeared nonchalant as always. The 'boss' name Natasha was calling Bucky seemed to make much more sense now. A million questions stemmed from her revelation but Steve bit them back as he looked down the barrel of her gun. Natasha ignored their shocked expressions and repeated, “Put down the gun, boss.”

Bucky slowly leaned forward then placed the gun near his feet at the foot of the bed. He leaned back and Clint shot forward and grabbed it before Bucky changed his mind. Natasha kept her gun on Bucky and hissed to Clint, “Search him.”

Clint moved into action without a second thought. Bucky stared at Natasha the entire time Clint searched his person. Bucky’s face was as blank and unreadable as Natasha’s. Steve held his hand, unable to do more for him. He was glad Bucky was remembering more but he feared what he would remember with Natasha. It could not be good, especially if he was training her to kill.

Clint removed a few knives, a gun, and a thick wire with handles on the end before stepping back and saying, “He’s clean.”

Natasha holstered her weapon and walked up to Bucky’s side of the bed. She and Bucky never broke eye contact and her eyes narrowed as she stared down at him. Out of nowhere, she slapped him. Bucky took the slap without protest and stared blankly at the wall over Natasha’s shoulder.

“ _Nat_ —,” Steve leaned forward and was about to reprimand her but then she reached across and slapped Steve across the face as well.

She grasped the front of his shirt before he could recover and hissed, with emotion shaking her voice, “You made the biggest mistake of your life.”

“Natasha?” Steve whispered, afraid to raise his voice any higher.

Natasha let go of him and shoved a hard object into his chest. She kept her hand over it and her fist in his chest so he could not see it. Steve assumed it was her gun and tensed. Natasha never pointed a gun at him, nonetheless held it point blank against his heart. She growled, “This morning Peter got it into his head that you were with Tony. He wanted to know if you were ever going to come back.”

Horror and guilt flooded his body.

Peter thought he was dead.

Steve needed to hold his son right now. He needed to show him that he was alright. He needed to comfort him after losing his favorite uncle. He needed to be there for him. _He should have been there for him!_ He should not have left him like that, especially after what happened to Tony. _God, he was such a horrible father!_

Natasha pulled her hand back from his chest and loosened her hold the object. Steve instinctively caught it and was surprised to see it was not her gun but his cell phone.

“I found that on the roof late last night. I checked it to see if it could give me any clue as to where you went. I suggest you check it _now_ ,” Natasha growled.

Steve turned on his phone and saw he had a few missed calls. He checked his inbox and saw he missed calls from everyone on the team… _everyone_ , including Tony.

Steve inhaled sharply but he reasoned it was not Tony. It had to be Pepper using Tony’s old phone. Maybe they had finally found the body or she was calling to reminisce. He instinctly grasped Bucky’s hand as he opened his voicemail and saw a message from Tony’s phone nestled among the other callers looking for him. Steve selected it and braced himself to hear Pepper’s grief stricken voice.

“Hey, Steve—,” Tony began, his voice worn with exhaustion and it tore out Steve’s heart all over again. Steve immediately assumed it was an old message he somehow missed but as he listened it became extremely apparent that was not the case.

The message ended and Steve immediately checked to see when he called. He nearly dropped the phone when he saw it. He called late last night, Steve was probably asleep but he had called.

Tony was alive.

“Is…Is he at the Tower?” Steve asked breathlessly. Oh God, Clint and Natasha clearly thought Steve stepped out on Tony but what would Tony think? He just told Steve he loved him as Steve was genuinely sleeping with a man Tony knew he had feelings for. Would he believe him if he said nothing happened?

“Jarvis says he is in Tennessee,” Natasha stated with a scowl.

“He’s alive…” Steve gasped, still shocked by the fact and Bucky stiffened as he finally realized what was happening.

“Stark is alive?” Bucky asked, his voice detached. Steve stilled like a deer scared frozen by oncoming headlights and after a strained pause, Bucky said, “I should go.”

Steve straightened and looked to Bucky remorsefully. He whispered, “Bucky…No, please don’t.”

Bucky shook his head and said, “You don’t need me anymore. You do not need to escape your pain. Stark is alive.”

Steve grasped his wrist sharply and hissed, “I do need you, Bucky! ‘Till the end of the line,’ remember? I want you in my life. I want you in my son’s life. You are my best friend. _Don’t go_. Please, you promised, remember?”

Bucky stared at the ground with a frown and hesitancy flickered in his eyes.

“Fine,” he grumbled and Steve released a pent up sigh.

“Thank you,” he gasped. He hugged Bucky, not caring how Natasha and Clint will construe it and repeated, “Thank you.”

He pulled back out of the embrace and Bucky’s gaze flickered from Steve to Natasha then settled on his lap. His expression was unreadable but his eyes were stormy again.

\---

“Nothing happened,” Steve assured the former SHIELD agents as soon as they pulled away in an unmarked van. They promised him that someone would come by later to pick up his bike and he trusted their word. He needed answers but also had to set the record straight.

“You went to him and abandoned your son,” Natasha growled from the passenger seat. “That is something, not nothing.”

Steve flinched and stared dejectedly at his hands. She was right... He had abandoned Peter and that was definitely something - something horrible. He flushed red from shame and bit down on his lip.

Clint was driving and strangely silent. Bucky was equally quiet next to him but it seemed to be a norm for Bucky now. His old friend silently stared out the window, watching New York and its people go by. The old Bucky would have said something loudly in his and Steve’s defense.

“How is Tony? Did he contact any of you? When are we going to get him?” Steve asked once he found his voice. Guilt was constricting his throat and he peered shamefully down at his hands.

“He did not contact any of us,” Clint retorted. “We only know he is alive because of the message he sent you. Jarvis tracked the call to a payphone and that is all we know.”

“B-But the Mandarin—?” Steve gasped. “Is he really going to try to take him on his own??”

“Looks like it,” Clint said with a noncommittal shrug.

Steve gripped the cushioned seat beneath him tightly, his joy over learning Tony was alive began to dwindle as his anger grew. He gasped, “You mean he’s going in halfcocked again. He’s pigheadedly not asking for help.”

“He’s doing his lone wolf routine again,” Natasha supplied, there was an edge to her voice cuing him into her annoyance with Tony’s act too.

“We have to find him,” Steve gasped. “You found me in Brooklyn without a phone or a tracer. We can easily find him in whatever city the call originated from in Tennessee!”

“Tony is covering his tracks,” Natasha stated, turning back to him. She explained, “He’s gotten his hand on a computer and is hiding himself from both SHIELD and the Mandarin. He wants the world to think he’s dead… Though I do not know if he fooled the Mandarin…”

“What do you mean?”

“Pepper’s gone missing,” she replied. “She was last seen with a woman claiming to work for the Mandarin. She told Pepper she wanted to stop him but it might have been a draw to lure her in. We think they are going to use Pepper to get to Tony.”

“We have to save her! Do we have any leads?” Steve gasped, leaning forward.

Natasha shook her head and grimly replied, “None. The Mandarin covers his trail just as well as Tony.”

“What can we do?” Steve gasped. They could not find Tony, they could not find Pepper…Were all they going to do was sit at the Tower, twiddling their thumbs until this was all over?

Natasha shook her head again and replied, “We’ve got people on it. We already have agents in Tennessee and in California, where Pepper was last seen. We’re going to find them eventually and we are going to help, just not in finding them. We are needed elsewhere.”

Steve’s fingers punctured the seat cushions and he wanted to protest. He needed to find Tony. He had to tell him he was sorry and he loved him too! He also needed to help him! The fool was trying to fight a dangerous terrorists on his own!

“What do we need to do?” Steve asked, gritting his teeth.

“Well now that we found you, Natasha and I will probably go back to following any leads we have on the Mandarin,” Clint speculated.

“Director Coulson said he was going to assign you to the president’s detail,” Natasha said. “But that was before you ran off with a known felon and spent the night with him.”

“Nothing happened,” Bucky whispered monotonously into the glass, speaking for the first time since they entered the car. His gaze did not break away from the window but everyone’s eyes were drawn to him, even Clint’s eyes flickered in the mirror to look at him.

“Be that as it may,” Natasha gritted. “Coulson is going to put you on babysitting duty. It is up to him whether or not you are watching the President or Barnes.”

“ _If_ he isn’t arrested on site,” Clint murmured.

“They can’t arrest Bucky!” Steve hissed.

“He’s wanted for numerous murders and terrorism,” Natasha said, her eyes lingering on Bucky.

“He was brainwashed,” Steve countered.

“The blood is still on his hands and people want justice,” Natasha stated.

“Then they are going to have to go through me,” Steve growled.

Natasha’s eyes flickered with an unknown emotion and she faced forward, ending the argument with her refusal to counter. The rest of the car ride was spent in relative silence with the exception of Clint muttering curses at his fellow drivers. Bucky was immobile, like a statue with a stony expression in addition.

They went through the underground garage and Steve only saw a brief glimpse of the crowd gathering outside the Tower. Steve groaned lightly. Would there ever be no reporters outside their home?

When they pulled into the Avenger’s parking area, Bruce, Thor, and Coulson were waiting by the elevator. Peter was sitting in Bruce’s arm and was sucking on his thumb.

Steve jumped out of the van before Clint could park it and ran over to his son.

“Papa!” He exclaimed, reaching out to Steve with wide arms. Steve scooped Peter out of Bruce’s hold and held him close. He ignored the others and devoted all his attention on his son. His guilt tripled as he saw the exhaustion in Peter's features and his red eyes.

“I missed you, Petey,” Steve gasped. “I’m so sorry I left like that!”

“Don’ do that again, Papa!” Peter grumbled in his arms.

“Never again, Pete,” Steve promised. “Never again…”

He heard the van doors slam close and turned to see all three former assassins approaching. Bucky stood in the middle, his gaze downcast as they walked.

He turned to Bucky and the Winter Solider eyed the toddler fearfully.

“Peter this is Papa’s friend. He’s your Uncle Bucky.”

“Anoder uncle,” he murmured with aspiration and Steve had to stifle a chuckle. Poor Peter had nearly a dozen people to call uncle and was probably having trouble keeping track.

“Hiya kid,” Bucky murmured, eyes flickering nervously between Peter and Steve.

“Hi,” Peter replied shyly.

“Did you hear about Uncle Tony?” Steve asked with fake enthusiasm. He was exhilarated that he was alive but was angry that he was going after the Mandarin alone. “He’s not gone! He’s going to come back once he arrests the mean Mandarin.”

“He is?!” Peter gasped excitedly, his shy nature toward Bucky totally evaporated and he looked to Steve with unabashed joy. Peter grabbed Steve’s dog-tags through his shirt and bounced in his arms. “When he coming home??”

“I don’t know, depends on the Mandarin.”

Peter’s lower lip jutted out. He pouted at Steve, like he had done many times to get his way. It was as if Steve somehow held sway over the universe and Peter expected his father to snap his fingers and produce Tony in an instant.

“Soon,” he promised his son. “You’ll see him soon.”

\---

Despite his protest, Steve was placed on the President’s detail after being scolded by a very unhappy Coulson.

“I should be detaining Sergeant Barnes right now,” Coulson stated with a frown. “But out of respect to you and the horrors he went through, I am not going to. He is your responsibility. Whatever he does will be your burden. After all of this, I want him locked down in the Tower and if he even hurts another American citizen, he _will_ be arrested and tried. Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal, sir,” Steve replied. "But I must insist on staying with my son. He was traumatized by Tony's 'death' and my disappearance. I can't just leave him again like that."

Coulson sighed heavily and said, "Captain, the President, the head of the Secret Service, and the head of Whit House Public relations all requested your presence on the President's detail. Everyone is spooked. Scared people do not make wise decision makers. If you go on the detail you will make a lot of people feel safer and make my job a hell of a lot easier."

Steve bit down on his lip, trying to think of the most diplomatic way of turning him down.

Coulson saw his indecision and his expression hardened. He stated, "Captain, I'm sorry to say it like this but this is your job. You are needed right now, Captain. Your country needs you, her President needs you. The job is not life threatening and, if you did not have to go on Air Force One, I would have let you take Peter with you...I know this is hard, Captain but you knew it had to happen one day. Every parent has a job and must return to it at some point... But if you still won't do it...I will have to ask you for your shield."

"My shield?" Steve gasped.

"Captain America is needed and I have agents who are willing to step up and take to mantle if need be," Coulson stated. 

Steve bit down on his tongue so tightly that he tasted blood. All his sacrifices he made for that shield and as Captain America came rushing back to him and he growled, "No one touches that shield but me."

"So will you do the detail?"

Steve pursed his lips and tersely asked, "How long?"

"A week at the most," Coulson replied. "As long as there are no attacks on the President. If there are none in that time frame, we estimate that all parties who requested your presence will feel safe enough that you will no longer be needed. In the meantime, you will always be a phone call away from your son and every night we can establish a video feed so you two can see each other."

The Director was going above and beyond what was expected of him.

“The Tower might be another target,” Coulson continued. “So we are going to evacuate it. The Parkers have volunteered to watch your son in the meantime and we will have eyes on them until you get back, if that is fine by you.”

Steve bit down on his cheek, is stomach bubbling uneasily. He did not want to leave Peter but he could not take him with him. The President needed added protection and he requested Steve personally. Steve could refuse him but Coulson was right, he was Captain America. It was his job and it was something he could do to help Tony, even if it was something little…

“Alright,” Steve agreed. “That's fine. Ben and May will take good care of him…And Bucky? If the Tower is locked down…?”

“Barnes will be on lockdown with Dr. Banner at SHIELD HQ. They will both stay there until the Mandarin is apprehended or killed.”

Steve nodded and asked, “Can I explain what is going to happen, to both of them?”

Coulson nodded and said, “The President’s detail will be here in an hour to pick you up. The Parkers will be notified to come then to pick up Peter. You have until then.”

Steve returned to the community room where Peter played with his toys and Bucky was sitting on the couch, staring at the blank wall. Natasha watched them both, her arms were crossed against her chest and a gun was resting in one of her hands.

“I got it from here, Nat,” Steve said. Natasha holstered her gun and walked over to him by the elevator.

She paused by him and said, “Next time I see you Tony will be back and the Mandarin in custody. Till then, Rogers,” she said with a nod, her way of saying goodbye.

“See ya,” Steve replied and she nodded one more time before stepping onto the elevator and disappearing behind the sealing doors.

Steve waved to Peter but went to Bucky first and quickly repeated the terms Coulson told him. Bucky wordlessly nodded and made no other comment so Steve had to ask, “Can you do it, Buck?”

“Yes,” Bucky replied. “I think I can.”

Steve grasped his arm and said, “Good for you…Is there anything you want before we head out?”

Bucky’s eyes flickered to the elevator then back to the wall. He whispered, “No.”

Steve squeezed his arm one more time then slipped from his side and went over to Peter. They played a bit before Steve began to tell Peter about his mission.

When he learned Steve was going to be gone for a while he regarded Steve with a pout and commanded, “Don’ go.”

“I have to Peter, I’m a superhero, remember? It’s more than just going to fight the bad guys. I have to protect people too and, sometimes, protecting takes longer than fighting… I will come back, just like Uncle Tony, and we will all go out for ice cream, alright? Uncle Ben and Aunt May are really excited for you to sleepover, aren’t you excited?”

Peter shrugged and stared sourly down at the Iron Man action figure. He suddenly held it out to Steve and said, “Keep dis, Papa. He can protect you.”

Steve took the toy with a smile then, inspired by Peter, removed his spare dog-tag. The chain for the spare was made to go on his big toe in the event of his death and was just large enough to fit around Peter’s wrist. Peter let him put it on with a curious expression and ran his tiny fingers over the contours of his engraved name.

Peter was always grabbing at his dog-tags, they were his safety item. Most children became attached to a toy or blanket but as soon as Peter met him he was obsessed with his dog-tags. Maybe they reminded him of meeting Steve for the first time or maybe he just associated them with Steve in general. Ultimately, his son found comfort in them and he gladly leave a piece behind for him to be consoled by.

When the time came for them to part, Peter held Steve around the neck tightly. At first, he feared he might have to forcibly tear Peter off him but Peter let him go with a trembling pout. Steve transferred him to Ben’s arms and Peter automatically grasped the dog-tag on his wrist.

“I will be back,” Steve promised and Ben carried him away. When he disappeared from view, Steve released a choked breath.

“Steve?” Bucky questioned uneasily.

“I’m fine,” Steve gasped. “That was harder than I imagined…”

It was the first time he and his son would be separated for a prolonged period. He inhaled another shuddering breath then straightened, his hand tightening on the toy Peter gave him. Guarding the President was going to be an easy, safe gig and Peter was going to be just as safe with his aunt, uncle, and the hive of SHIELD agents watching over him. Steve closed his eyes and whispered to himself, “Everything is going to be okay…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another double chapter! I'm on a roll! Hopefully I can keep this up! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and added a little more to both ch 5 and 6 a few days after posting it! It does not change the story line much, just adds more to Steve's guilt. So those of you who read it when I first posted might want to reread it!
> 
> Otherwise, the next couple of chapters are going to be heavily influenced by the Iron Man 3 movie. Since Steve is involved and Tony and Pepper are not in a relationship, the events are going to be drastically different. 
> 
> On a side note: OMG that Avenger's trailer!! Every new scene they release makes me want to see it more!! And then all the stony, omg so much! I'm so excited! I can't wait for it to come out!! <3

The detail ended up being delayed which soured Steve’s mood. The extra hour it took them to arrive could have been spent with his son.

Steve went straight to the gym and his usual punching bag to pass the time until the President’s men arrived. Bucky accompanied him but made no motions to workout. He sat on the soft mats of the sparing area and watched Steve.

As Steve punched, the bag went flying back but it did not explode under the force like a normal bag would have. Tony designed the bag. It was made with a tougher fiber and hooked to the ceiling with a rubbery metal alloy that could take extreme violence. Remembering Tony’s part in the bag’s creation made Steve roar and attack the bag with no abandon. He did not know how long he punched the bag but once it finally gave out, Steve was drenched with sweat, shaking with emotion, and still angry.

Steve clenched his fists and gave into his anger. He hated that everyone knew Tony was alive before him, hated that he was manipulated into guarding the President, hated that Peter was far away from him, hated that Tony was God knows where and was probably risking his life and too stubborn to ask for help, hated that Bucky was in the same room as him and was watching him with heated eyes that made him feel things he wanted to deny feeling, but mostly, he hated himself, the cause of all of this.

When the punching bag crumpled to the ground Steve growled with frustration and was tempted to stomp down on it.

“Hey!” Bucky called, grabbing his attention. Bucky stood on the training mats. He was barefoot, bare-chested, and seemingly bare of weapons. All his articles were piled together on the edge of the mat. Bucky took a fighting stance and said, “Come at me.”

Steve ripped off his shirt and kicked off his own shoes and went flying at him. He did not hold back and tore into Bucky. He did not worry about hurting him or worry about bringing out the Winter Soldier, all he wanted was to release his frustration and Bucky made himself a perfect target. Not that Bucky needed him to hold back, he was a super soldier himself and fought with just as much intensity.

At one point, Bucky pinned him to the mat, his metal arm thrust under jaw, restraining his neck. His other arm immobilized Steve’s body down onto top of one arm and the other was trapped in Bucky’s vicelike grip. Steve struggled to break free and Bucky bent over him and Bucky hissed, “Trapped, soldier? Want to escape? Is something bothering you? Don’t worry, we’ll make it go away. We will make you nothing again.”

He slammed Steve’s head into the ground and Steve felt a surge of fear slice through his anger. Bucky’s voice was not right. It was dead, without any emotion. What was Bucky saying? Was this the Soldier?

Steve quickly got his legs under Bucky and kicked him away.

Bucky went flying across the room and landed in a crouch, catching himself with his metal fingers digging into the mat. His stare was cold as he said, “Stop fighting. You can’t stop it. These memories are worthless. They are getting in the way of the mission. You must never let anything get in the way of the mission.”

“…Bucky?” Steve asked cautiously.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed and he gritted with a snarl, “Who the hell is Bucky?”

His question was like an artic tidal wave pounding down and almost totally extinguishing the inferno of his anger.

“Bucky,” Steve hissed. “It’s me, Steve, remember?”

Bucky began to circle him, his pupils were the size of pinpricks. He growled, in that dead voice, “Why are you crying? Emotions and pain are useless as those memories you pine for. Stop fighting it, soldier. You are no longer human. You are our property. The past belongs to a man. _You are not a man_. You are a machine.”

Steve shivered. Bucky must have been restating something that had been said to him. He clenched his fists and his nails bit into his skin. He wanted to tear into whoever said these things to his friend.

“Buck, snap out of it. It’s me, Steve. Steve Rogers. We were sparring. We used to do as kids and during the War. Remember?”

“Remember only the mission. Anything else is only a distraction and thereby detrimental to the mission,” Bucky stated monotonously, still circling him.

“Then what’s your mission right now, solider?” Steve asked changing tactics and straightening out of his crouch into a commanding position.

Bucky shot into attention and stated, “You are my mission.”

“What are the mission’s parameters?”

“Protect you,” Bucky said. He paused and grasped his head as he murmured, “And help you…I…I _want_ to help you…Steve?”

He fell to his knees and Steve crouched beside him within seconds of his fall.

“You back, Bucky?” Steve asked.

“Yeah,” he gasped as he grabbed ahold of Steve’s arm to keep himself upright and steady. He continued, “I slipped back into him without realizing it…”

Bucky lowered himself so he was sitting on top of his legs and Steve gingerly sat next to him.

“Do you remember what you were saying?” Steve asked guardedly.

“Kinda,” Bucky murmured, rubbing the side of his face. “It was the stuff they drilled into me whenever they needed to scrub my memory…I did not want you to think about Stark, I think that is why it came out…Sorry.” His face became blank again and he stared off to the side.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, feeling guilty.

Bucky only shrugged in answer.

Steve sighed and joined Bucky’s gaze, looking off to the side at nothing in particular. They sat in silence, listening to the sound of their breathing evening out. Eventually Steve broke that silence by saying, “I guess we need to talk…” Bucky did not say anything but from the corner of his eye he say him sit up a little straighter. He knew his old friend would not bring it up. He had a mission and whatever Bucky was feeling about what happened between them he would keep bottled up until Steve ordered him to confront it. Steve would not do that to him so instead he talked and hoped Bucky was listening. Steve continued, “The other day, when we kissed, it was a mistake.”

Bucky did not respond at first, as if he were weighing his words. He grasped Steve’s hand and, when he did speak, his voice was certain as he stated, “Stark won’t forgive you if I stick around.”

“He probably won’t,” Steve admitted. “But even if there’s the tiniest of possibilities…”

“Why?” Bucky asked suddenly. “Why go through that? I love you. You love me-.”

“I love Tony too,” Steve interrupted.

“But he’s going to leave you so you should just stay with me,” Bucky stated. “Why even consider going back?”

Steve pulled his hand out of Bucky’s and said, “Bucky, I can’t just do that.”

“You can’t have us both.”

“I know, believe me I know,” Steve retorted. Since Bucky first reappeared, he felt like every moment of every day was spent thinking about this. He looked down at his lap and stated with finality, “I choose him, Bucky…I’m sorry. I do love you but it’s Tony. Yell at me. Punch me if it makes you feel better. Hate me even… But I need Tony and he completes me. I…I’m sorry, Buck…”

Bucky slowly let go of Steve’s hand and stared ahead with a blank expression.

“You will always be my best friend,” Steve whispered. “And I will always love you but…not the way you want…”

Bucky’s head dropped and he peered morosely at his clasped hands.

“What do I want?” Bucky asked no one in particular. Steve did not answer and let him sort the answer out in his mind on his own. Bucky picked up his hand and peered at the flesh of his fingertips before running them together. He then picked up his metal hand and stared at in comparison to the other with a frown. He whispered, “…I want to feel human again.”

“…Buc-,” Steve started to say, reaching out to him.

“Hey.”

Steve flinched and turned to see Natasha standing at the elevator with her arms crossed over her chest. Her face was unreadable but her eyes were trained on Bucky.

“The detail is here,” Natasha informed them and spun around, leaving them alone. Bucky clenched his fists.

Steve stared grimly at his clenched fists and asked, “Are you sure you don't want me to go with you to SHIELD?”

Bucky’s grip relaxed and he smirked sadly at Steve. He said, “I can handle this, Steve. Just be sure to keep your promise to your son. Don’t make me fail my mission, you hear?”

Steve mirrored Bucky’s miserable smirk and said, “You got it.”

\---

President Ellis greeted Steve with the same large charismatic smile that won him the election.

“Thanks for coming, Captain. Since the Mandarin directly threatened me in his last message, your presence with me makes a lot of people much more at ease,” the President said as he shook his hand.

“It is no problem, sir,” Steve said.

After he was picked up from the Tower, Steve had spent the rest of the day in debriefs learning what SHIELD knew about the Mandarin and, sadly, it was not much…But they knew the Mandarin’s operation was in the United States and, based upon increased weapons traffic, had narrowed him to being somewhere in the eastern side of the country. The President was in country’s capitol so it was a unanimous decision that he move elsewhere.

Steve had flown to Washington D.C. on a red eye and got a few hours of sleep before meeting the President after Ellis’s brunch with a local senator. Thanks to the serum, he barely felt the effect of his lapse in sleep.

“The Iron Patriot should be joining us as well,” Ellis said with an excited grin. “I got word that he is flying over right now!” Steve blinked in surprise and the Iron Man toy hidden in his bomber jacket suddenly felt heavier and more noticeable. He had yet to change into his uniform and had kept Peter’s toy on his person.

“Colonel Rhodes?” Steve asked to clarify.

“Yes, he should arrive before liftoff,” the President replied. A secret service agent drew the President aside to tell him something in private so the President did not see Steve scowl.

Tony had text him earlier that morning saying,

_Got a possible location on Mandie. Checking it out now, let you guys know what I turn up soon!_

Steve tried to call back on the number the text came from but it came back as being disconnected.

Steve had somehow convinced himself that Rhodes was helping him. He had tried reaching out to the other soldier and received no reply so he assumed he was with Tony. Steve ground his teeth. He had assumed wrong. Tony was still working alone.

Tony was going in with literally no backup and a suit that was damaged. He should wait for the Avengers to help or at least tell them where he was going! Steve groaned. He took back every nice thing he thought about the man.

“Captain Rogers?” One of the secret service agents approached him and Steve directed his attention to him. The man handed him a few papers and said, “Here is the President’s itinerary. You will be shadowing him the rest of the day.”

Steve took the papers and flipped through them quickly. He commented, “One more meeting then Air Force One and then arrival at secure location…Where’s the location?”

“We will be told once we are in the air,” the man replied. “But it supposedly is in the west, most likely at one of the bases in Nevada.”

Steve nodded absently. The most secure bases were in Nevada it was the most plausible choice.

He tucked the papers under his arm and lifted his huge duffel bag, his shield shifting slightly inside as he did. He explained, “I need to change. Do you have somewhere I can do that?”

“Yes, this way…”

Steve was taken to an empty bathroom and he quickly changed out of his civilian clothes, into his Captain America uniform and clipped his shield onto his back.

Steve folded his discarded clothes before putting them back into the bag with his other traveling items. The last thing he put in was the Iron Man toy. He had taken it out of the jacket and peered at it for a moment before lightly kissing it on its tiny head.

He silently sent out his love to Peter and his infuriating boyfriend and wished them both safe.

He carefully placed the toy on top of it all and sealed his bag with a quick tug on the zipper before throwing it over his shoulder, bouncing lightly off his shield.

He went outside and saw the agent straighten with the appearance of his Captain America regalia. The uniform seemed to give him an air of importance, his shield especially. He noticed the change when he started to interact with certain people in and out of uniform. He smiled at the man and asked, “Where can I put this?”

“I will take it, sir,” the agent replied. Steve wordlessly handed him his duffel and the man said, “You’ll find this in your quarters on Air Force One.”

Steve nodded and his eyes spanned the room before falling on the President. He walked over to the leader with purpose, drawing stares, including Ellis’s.

When he reached the man’s side, the President grinned and said, “You look quite formidable now! The Mandarin would be a fool to go after me with you _and_ Rhodes behind me!”

“Let’s hope so, sir,” Steve replied with a nod.

\---

Steve was watching the President walk up the stairs to Air Force One when the Iron Patriot finally arrived. His heart lurched slightly as he looked upon the suit’s familiar design. If it weren’t for the gun mounted on the back and the patriotic paint job, the suit could pass for Iron Man. He may have been upset with Tony for doing this alone but he still missed him and he hated that the last time he saw him was after Steve told him he had willingly kissed Bucky.

“Colonel Rhodes,” the President called out to him. “Glad to see you make it, son. I feel safer already.”

The Iron Patriot nodded and silently walked up the stairs, sliding past the President into the airplane. The President waved one last time to the white house photographers before following Rhodes back into the plane.

Steve went in next, pausing at the top of the stairs to customarily wave to photographers. The photos were taken quickly and the photographers pleasantly called out their thanks. Steve paused just long enough to wish the paparazzi he dealt with in everyday life were so nice then followed the others into the plane.

The Iron Patriot stood off to the side, out of the way, and silently watched as people busily prepared the plane. Steve glanced at him, wanting to talk, but the President moved deeper into the plane and Steve followed him.

Rhodes followed his progression until Steve disappeared into the next room.

The President sat in his office, looking over documentation laid out for him by his secretary and Steve took his position behind him. He kept his eyes on the door, the only exit, and watched it as he was trained to do by SHIELD. One of the secret service agents came in with more paperwork and sat across from the President. They started going over the documents, something about a possible trade embargo. Steve droned them out after a while.

The intercom on the President’s desk dinged and a voice said, “We will be taking off in just a moment, Mr. President.”

“Got it,” the President replied. He and the agent buckled themselves into their seats and went right back to their discussion.

Steve remained standing and braced his legs as he felt the plane vibrate beneath his feet as the engines were turned on. There was a slight tug as the plane started to roll forward and as the plane blasted forward, going from zero to 160 and higher in less than a second, Steve felt only a slight push on his body. When the plane leveled off in the sky, the sensation disappeared and his ears popped with the altitude change.

The President and agent wordlessly unbuckled themselves and it undeterred them from their work as they continued to weigh the benefits and cons to the embargo. Steve effortlessly droned them out and focused on the noises of the plane as he stared at the door.

The engines were a constant high pitched hum as were the lighter rumble of the air vents, pushing out a continuous flow of fresh, cool air. He could make out the muffled voices of the President’s staff beyond the wall, indistinguishable through the thick walls. Occasionally, he heard someone walk past the sealed door, their footfalls thumping heavily on the carpeted floor.

Everything was moving smoothly and Steve let himself relax.

Then he heard gunshots.

The President tensed and his head shot up in the direction of the door.

“Impossible,” Ellis gasped.

“Get down, Mr. President!” The agent opposite him jumped over the desk and shoved him underneath. Steve removed his shield and stepped in front of the desk. The gunshots grew louder as the intruder came closer. Steve waited, peeking over his shield, his body tensed and ready to fight.

The door slammed open and the Iron Patriot stepped in. Steve lowered the shield and was about to ask Rhodes what was going on when the other man raised his armored hand and pointed it at Steve. His palm glowed then shot out a blast from the repulsor.

Steve raised his shield just in time to absorb the blast but went flying across the room. He hit the walling hard enough to make it crumple but thankfully did not break it. Steve did not give himself a moment to feel any pain and jumped up just as the Iron Patriot stepped over him. He punched Steve back down and the floor buckled beneath him. Steve slammed his shield into Rhodes’s gut and the man went flying back.

“What are you doing?!” Steve yelled, stumbling to his feet.

The Iron Patriot stood and his faceplate rose, revealing a stranger.

The man grinned madly and said, “Captain America, you would not believe how happy I am to see you here.”

Steve positioned himself between himself and the President and replied, “I find that odd since I am in the way of you and your target…Where’s Rhodes?”

The man’s smirk rose a tad on the right and he replied, “Rhodes is enjoying the company of the Mandarin. And you are only in the way of my fallback target.”

Steve shifted his stance slightly. The President of the United States was only a fallback?? It was incredulous. Steve asked, “And your primary target?”

His grin widened and he hissed, “…That’s why I am happy to see you.”

The Iron Patriot lunged at Steve and the repulsors in his feet shot him into Steve with an extreme driving force. Steve had no time to comprehend what the Mandarin wanted with him over the President of the United States as they hit the wall and it collapsed, spilling them both into the other room.

The man pinned Steve down then surprised him as the armor opened and he fell out on top of Steve. The armor continued to pin Steve down and Steve gasped lightly from the stranger’s body impacting him. The man’s body was strangely hot, the heat burned through his uniform and sunk into Steve’s skin.

The stranger instantly grasped the sides of Steve’s head with his bare hands and asked, “How much heat can your brain take, super soldier?”

Intense heat suddenly pooled from the man’s hands. It was so fast and so hot that Steve tried to scream but the sound dried in his throat. He felt his skin bubble, his flesh cooked and smelt like the bacon he ate for breakfast, he almost instantly went blind and he feared his eyes had dried out of their sockets, his mind became so befuddled that he did not know left from right, and, after only a few seconds of the man’s scorching touch, he heard a popping sound and his brain could not take anymore. He fell unconscious, leaving Steve vulnerable to the Mandarin and his plans.

\---

“Steve!”

His scalp was tight and hurt all the more as his brows pinched together, pulling the skin.

“Steve! Are you alright?!”

“Ugh,” he groaned.

“Steve, please they’re coming back! Wake up! You got to get us out of here!”

“Pepper?” He asked, groggily lifting his head and opening his eyes. He was in a dark room and several feet to his right Pepper was strapped in a gurney wearing only a sports bra and yoga pants. Her skin was glowing slightly.

“Pepper?!” He gasped, alarmed by her illuminating change.

“You have to get us out of here!” She groaned more than gasped.

Steve looked down at himself as was surprised to see himself encased in the Iron Patriot’s armor. He moved his arm and the armor grudgingly budged. If he did not have superior strength, the heavy armor would have been impossible to move. He stiffly made his way over to Pepper and asked, “Where are we?!”

“I have no idea!” Pepper gasped. “All I know is that madman, Kilian, is working with the Mandarin and he pumped me full of this stuff that made me feel like I was burning alive!” Her eyes widened as she looked over his shoulder and she gasped, “Steve! Look o-!”

He did not hear the rest of her sentence as his ears were ringing from a sudden impact to his head. He fell to his knee and people started laughing behind him.

“And what do you think you are doing, Captain?”

Several people pooled into the room, surrounding him and Pepper. Steve stiffly rose to his feet and glared at the obvious ringleader. The man tapped a gun against his thigh and smiled sardonically at Steve. He continued, “You can’t leave just yet, you’re the fabled ‘Big-One.’ You, America’s most recognized symbol, her golden son, her most glorious creation, you who wear her colors and sport her name. You are more important than her President, you are one of a kind,” he paused for dramatic effect and leaned toward him. He whispered exclusively to Steve, “ _And_ you are going to die a slow, fiery death, broadcasted across every screen in the great U.S. of A!”

“I think you need some help, buddy,” Steve retorted, his eyes flickering around the room, counting bodies, weapons, and possible exits.

“Kilian, stop this!” Pepper gasped.

“Kilian?” Steve questioned and the leader smirked in confirmation. Steve growled, “Why are you doing this, Kilian?”

Kilian smirked and said, “Power of course. Air Force One has crashed, my soldier brought her downright after he captured you. The President was aboard and went down with the ship. Now, my man in the White House is in power…By bombing that base in Kuwait and the Chinese Theatre I have frightened the American people but their anger is only a dim, flickering fire. Killing you, America’s favorite son, will turn that dim fire I started into a raging inferno. The American people will be clamoring for revenge against the Mandarin and I will supply the army of super soldiers to fight him…It’s brilliant really. In the end, I will be in control of both sides.”

“If you think I’m going to just lay down and -,” Steve gritted, lunging toward Kilian.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Kilian tutted, pointing his gun at Pepper’s head. “Move another step and she’s dead. You two are friends, aren’t you?”

Steve froze in place, his eyes meeting Pepper’s frightened stare.

“Now, you woke sooner than I thought you would but now you are going to have to move yourself instead of us moving you. Or we will kill your friend.”

Steve bared his teeth at the man but dropped his shoulders in a defenseless posture.

“Good boy,” Kilian mocked. He nodded to the men behind Steve and said, “Follow them.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for gruesome depictions of injuries...
> 
> Plus once again more from influences from Iron Man 3 but different since Steve is involved!

They strung Steve up, his arms spread eagle, hanging from his wrists. They kept him in the suit, perhaps it was to affront Tony or maybe it was another American symbol for Kilian to destroy. As soon as he was hanging freely, he tested his bonds and was displeased to find that the chains moved with him. They were made for him to pull at them and not strain against his strength. Whichever way he pulled, swung, or maneuvered his body he fell no more than a few feet and in no way loosened his bonds. He gave up after a few minutes and looked around him, hoping to find something else to help him.

He was on a huge barge made to ship shipping-containers. He hung between one of the many cranes that moved those metal containers, stories over the deck of the barge. The room he and Pepper were held in was twice the size of one of those containers and hovered over two hundred feet above the barge.

He grimly watched Kilian’s men add to the pyre beneath him. In no time, the flames were burning wildly with the added fuel. It was warm at first but as the fire grew and so did the heat with it.

The metal suit was like an oven, worsening the effect. He began to sweat profusely, his only solace was that the face shield was open.

The worst part was not being able to breathe. The heat alone was chokingly hot but the smoke cloaked his throat and filled his lungs with ash. He was drowning again but this time it was in this smoky, oppressive heat. He thought drowning in the icy Atlantic had been bad but he was so wrong. At least the cold numbed the pain. The heat only got worse, there was no solace to his suffering. He fought valiantly at his bounds to escape it but only succeeded in swinging.

The burning metal of his dog-tags seared into his flesh. The discomfort from that was the only thing that kept him focused and able ignore the rest of the pains of his body cooking alive. He was able to use it to remember Peter and center his mind on surviving for him.

As his brain became deprived of oxygen, he found himself unable to focus and his thinking became hazy.

When he first heard the gunshots, he thought his fevered mind was hallucinating.

“STEVE?!”

Steve recognized the voice. He had pinned to hear it for days. Was it real? Was Tony really there? He looked beadily around for Tony but did not see him. It was another trick of the mind he surmised until he saw the figures running beneath him. Kilian’s men were in a frenzy. Some were falling to an unseen foe.

“T-Tony?!” Steve gasped, his throat was so coated in ash and dry that his attempted yell was no louder than a whisper. He erupted into a coughing fit after speaking. Had he really heard him?! Was Tony there? He looked wildly around for any sign of him.

It was not Tony himself who confirmed his presence but Iron Man… well, Iron _Men_. They began to fly all around Steve and the area. They attacked Kilian’s men and Steve laughed upon seeing them fly around like busy little bees protecting a hive. Steve might just make it.

One of the suits flew up to him and Steve told it, “You would not believe how happy I am to see you.”

“Right back at ya, honey,” Tony replied with a deep, relieved sigh.

Steve’s eyes widened. He expected the suit to be operated by Jarvis. He gasped, “Tony?”

Iron Man broke one of the chains holding him up with a blast from his repulsor and caught Steve. He caught him with one arm and they drooped down a few feet. He replied, “Yes, it is! Now let’s get you out of that suit and Rhodey in it.”

Tony flew them to a platform where Rhodes was waiting. Steve stared at the golden faceplate, wishing it would rise and reveal Tony. He could not believe it was him until he actually saw him. Tony landed and gently placed Steve down next to him.

Without delay, Rhodes reached into Steve’s suit and pressed down on the emergency release lever. He pressed it but shot back from him with a painful his as the metal burned him. At the same time, Tony's suit opened and he stepped out, much to Steve’s relief. He was not going to let himself believe he was really there until he saw him.

Steve's suit opened up similarly to Tony’s but, with it no longer holding him up, he fell out unable to stand anymore. The heat had drained him more than he realized. Tony cursed and surged forward, catching Steve just as he hit his knees.

“Crap,” Tony hissed as he looked down at him. The air on his burning skin felt amazing and he leaned heavily into Tony. His skin was bright red and had blistered in a few places. Steve reached under his uniform and pulled his dog-tags off where they had burned into his skin with gritted teeth. He let the metal chain fall from his grasp and the warped dog-tag bounced lightly off the white star of his uniform.

“Steve, are you okay??” Tony hissed.

Steve weakly grasped the side of his face and murmured, “Let me look at you.”

“Look away, but tell me you are alright!” Tony gasped. His hazel eyes were wide with fear. Grime covered his entire body and his skin was dotted with abrasions. But he was otherwise whole.

“I’m fine,” Steve whispered. He quickly gasped what he had been dying to tell Tony, he said, “I’m so sorry about everything. I love you, Ton-.”

Tony grasped both sides of his face and drew him into a deep kiss, smothering his words. Steve groaned and fell into him. He ran his hands over his back and traced the familiar muscles. Tony pulled back slightly, keeping his hands on his face, and whispered into his lips, “I love you too you big lummox. God, I – I thought you were dead. When I heard you were on Air Force One, I thought you went down with the plane!” He kissed him again, his lips lingering longer. When he pulled back again, he ran his thumb over Steve’s bottom lip and whispered, “I thought losing Happy to a coma was bad but after saving everyone on that plane – _everyone but you_ – I felt like I had died with you.” Tony kissed him again, first on the mouth but then he planted multiple kisses all over his face.

“Ow, little tender!” He gasped from the pressure of Tony’s kisses on is bright red skin and Tony shot back with a look of alarm. Steve smirked and said, “I did not say stop, just be a little gentler.”

Tony smiled sweetly at him and gently kissed his lips, prolonging it by parting his lips and caressing the inside of his mouth with his soft tongue.

“Guys, I am still here,” Rhodes groaned. “ _And_ there is a war going on around us.”

Steve pulled back sharply. The blisters were already disappearing from his skin and his head was clearer thanks to being out of the heat. He gasped, “Pepper!”

Tony’s eyes widened and he hissed, “Where is she?? Is she here?”

“Yes!” Steve jumped to his feet and pointed to the metal building they led him out of. He said, “She’s there! Kilian has her strapped down to this gurney and she-she was glowing!”

“It’s Extremis,” Tony explained grimly, also getting to his feet. He explained, “It is a compound that is highly unstable. It makes people crazy strong, able to heal from anything, and flammable…so flammable they can explode. Kilian’s the real Mandarin, not the one on TV. He’s been using these people as his bombs…He pumped Pepper full of it to get to me…Rhodey can you and Jarvis handle these goons out here, while I go save Pepper?”

“You got it,” Rhodes replied, he clipped Steve’s shield off the back of the suit, and jumped into the marginally cooler armor. He took off with a blast and joined the may-lay.

“Jarvis, get me a suit,” Tony hissed into his earpiece.

Steve reached out and grabbed Tony’s arm. He said, “You are not doing this alone!”

“Steve, you are in no condition to—,” Tony began.

“It’s nothing more than an annoying sunburn now,” Steve retorted. “I heal fast, remember?”

“It does not matter you still can’t go. Kilian might be there and—,”Tony began to say as a suit landed behind him.

“I can handle Kilian,” Steve interrupted him.

“I don’t care! You need to stay here. Stay safe,” Tony replied.

“Tony, I’m Captain America! I am not going to sit aside and twiddle my fingers!”

Tony grabbed both of his biceps and gasped, “Steve, I thought you were dead until ten minutes ago! I cannot handle seeing you getting hurt or chance you dying _again_! I’m freaking barely held together as it is! I need my head together if I’m going to save Pepper!”

Steve mashed his lips into Tony’s, his version of slapping some sense into his boyfriend, then pulled back to stare him dead in the eye. He stated, “I’m scared to death to lose you too. I thought you had died when the Mandarin blew up your house. I am not letting you go after Kilian alone! I am not going to let him kill you! I am going to fight by your side whether you like it or not! I suggest we work together because apart we are weaker.”

Tony slumped in defeat and frowned as he said, “New rule: we are not allowed to die on each other without the other’s permission. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” Steve whispered. He spun around and grabbed his shield. As he slid it onto his arm, he asked, “Can I get a lift?”

Tony grinned and stepped back into his suit. It folded around him and he opened his arms to him as soon as he was totally encased. In his metallic voice, he said, “Come here.”

Steve grinned and he slid into Tony’s arms. He kissed Iron Man’s face plate and murmured, “I missed you.”

Tony squeezed Steve’s side and tilted his head into the crook of Steve’s neck. He whispered, “I _yearned_ for you.”

The repulsors went off before Steve could comment and Tony flew them over to the building where Pepper was imprisoned. Steve jumped from Tony’s hold before they landed and ran straight to the door he knew Pepper to be behind. Tony was right behind him with a singular blast from his repulsors.

The inside had totally collapsed from one of the explosions caused by either one of the Iron Men or Kilian’s men. The area where Pepper had been was buried in debris. There was no sign of her or anyone else.

Steve inhaled sharply and took in the scene with wide eyes. She couldn’t be…

“Pepper!” Steve yelled, surging forward into the mess of metal.

“Steve,” he heard her weakly groan from within the mass of tangle metal.

Steve and Tony tore away at the metal until Pepper yelped and begged them to stop. They both knelt, Tony’s face plate going up as he did, and peered within to where Pepper was tangled with the metal.

“See what happens when you hang out with my ex-girlfriends,” Tony commented, trying, in his own way, to comfort her.

“You’re such a jerk,” Pepper groaned.

“We’re going to get you out of there,” Steve promised. “We’ll just go a little slower so you don’t get hurt, okay?”

Pepper nodded and not a moment later a glowing orange arm broke through the floor right beneath Tony. Pepper screamed as the floor tilted downwards and she and the metal slid down. Tony was thrown back and Steve jumped back, taking a battle stance with his shield.

A glowing orange Kilian climbed out of the floor and smirked sardonically at them.

“Are these guys bothering you?” He asked Pepper with that smirk still in place.

Kilian turned back to them and his eyes focused on Steve.

“You are supposed to be melting right now,” Kilian commented. He inhaled deeply and suddenly spewed molten fire out of his mouth, totally taking Steve by surprise. He rose his shield just in time to take the brunt of the damage but he went flying across the room and was imbedded into the metal wall.

Kilian wasted no time and jumped on Tony, just as he was pushing himself up. He slammed Tony back down and placed his glowing hand on Tony’s chest. The suit instantly glowed red with heat beneath his touch. Tony bared his teeth with pain but did not make any noise, probably to spite Kilian. Kilian bent over Tony and whispered something exclusively to Tony. As Steve pulled himself out of the wall, he saw Tony lean in close and quietly reply with a smirk. A blade shot out of his armored arm and he used it to cut off Kilian’s glowing arm.

Kilian fell back from Tony with a scream and Steve ran back to his side.

“Get this off of me!” Tony yelped, motioning to the damaged and melting armor. Steve tore into it, ignoring the flesh of his hands cut and burn beneath the metal. He could heal quickly, Tony couldn’t. He grasped Tony’s hand and pulled him out of the remains of his suit.

Kilian’s severed arm continued to glow orange with heat and quickly burned through the floor. With the floor weakened from the hole Kilian climbed through earlier and this new one created by his arm, a large portion of the floor finally gave out and collapsed. Pepper and the mass of metal she was buried under fell with it.

“PEPPER!” Steve and Tony yelled unanimously.

They ran over to the hole and looked down, expecting to see her splattered on the ground stories below. Miraculously, she had landed on a shipping container being moved by one of the cranes. She hung dangerously off the side, pinned by the metal.

“We’re coming for you!” Steve yelled out to her.

Without a word exchanged, he and Tony spun around and ran from the building. They ran over a metal bridge, running parallel with the direction the crane was moving.

“Jarvis, I need another suit!” Tony called out to his AI.

Seconds later, a suit flew up to them. It opened for Tony in midair and Tony jumped to go in – only to fall as his suit was shot down by one of Kilian’s men.

“Damnit,” Tony cursed but kept running with Steve to catch up to Pepper.

The crane began to move Pepper in another direction.

“We need to jump,” Steve gasped. “Now!”

He grabbed Tony and propelled them over the side of the bridge and onto the storage container being moved behind Pepper's. Tony shot from Steve's arms and ran to the edge closest to Pepper. Their container was lower than Pepper’s and Tony had to reach up to get to her. Pepper reached down to him, stretching as far as she could, not that it would make a difference. Several feet separated them.

“Pepper, I can’t reach any further and neither can you. You’ve got to let go. Let go, I will catch you. I promise.”

The entire scene was surreal to Steve. It was like he was watching himself and Bucky again. Tony was reaching out to Pepper just as Steve did to Bucky. Pepper was barely holding on just as Bucky was. She could fall to her death and have the same look in her eyes that Bucky had.

She _was not_ going to share Bucky’s fate.

“I will help,” Steve added and grasped Tony’s hips, letting him lean out farther.

He saw Pepper consider it but then the machine shuddered to a stop and Pepper slipped. Steve acted on instinct. He felt Tony surge forward beneath his hands so he threw Tony backwards then threw himself forward.

In midair, he caught Pepper then used his own momentum to throw her on the container beside Tony. His feet hovered over the container for a second but since his entire body hovered over the open air he began to fall.

Tony scrambled to the edge and reached out to Steve and Steve reached out for him but he was too slow. Steve’s finger’s caressed the metal of the storage container then it was gone and his grip only met open air.

In the course of a few seconds, he watched Tony’s eye widen as he realized he could not reach Steve, then his eyes grew larger with horror as looked at the fiery pit beneath him, and that horror transferred to devastation as he easily surmised Steve’s fate. Tony’s entire expression broke and he screamed Steve’s name, the sound tearing at his throat as he did.

Oddly, Steve reflected, Steve probably looked just like Tony and this expression was what Bucky saw as he fell from the train…His heart wretched at the unfairness of the situation. Once again, just when he thought things were going to be alright, it was all being taken from him.

That feeling totally dissipated as he saw Kilian step up behind Tony with two glowing arms and a feral grin. He felt nothing for himself or his fate. All his fear was for Tony and the fact there was a dangerous man standing behind him, unbeknownst to him.

Steve went through the flames and was moving so fast he felt nothing, no heat or pain. The ground was racing up to meet him. The countless falling drills he practiced with Natasha raced through his mind and he tried to angle his body for the best hit.

Before he felt it, he heard his bones fracture and break, like the sound of a glass being shattered. He rolled like he was supposed to but the impact still managed to cause damage. He quickly categorized his injuries as they occurred. The first was his leg snapping as he did not bend it in time, then he dislocated his left shoulder as he forced his body to roll, and then the pressure crushed his chest breaking his ribs and God knows what else. He only concentrated on the pain from his broken bones for a millisecond because the intense heat from the inferno hit him all at once.

Steve wrapped his right arm around his face to attempt to protect it, his left arm hung uselessly at his side thanks to his shoulder's dislocation, but he could feel his skin blister and melt despite his actions. His uniform was made to combat intense heat but he could feel the fire eat away at it. He had to move now. If he did not move he was going to die.

He stumbled to his feet, his footing uneven because of his broken leg and the fact that his boots were beginning to melt. He charged forward, leaning forward so momentum would lead him other than his legs. His steps were wild and he faltered several times as his leg collapsed and broke more but he did not stop until he felt cool air. It took him only a few seconds to escape but it felt like a lifetime.

He crumpled in on himself and a relieved sigh escaped his mouth. He unwrapped his arm from his head and hissed as his skin stuck to his arms and tore off his scalp. His right side of his head was not as badly burned as his left. He could not see out of his left eye. His left ear was ringing and no longer there and his face felt like it was still burning despite there no longer being flames. His nerves were all aflame, burning with indescribable pain, making it hurt to move, even breathe.

Steve crumpled in on himself and just screamed. The sound tore at his throat as it displayed all his horror and pain. The scream was continued until there was no more breath left in his lungs and he curled into a ball with a whimper. His entire body felt like a horrible prison, punishing his soul with this burning pain. It took home several large, gasping breaths for Steve to regain control of his body.

He shouldered the pain the best he could and forced himself to focus elsewhere. If he survived this he knew he was going to have horrible nightmares about burning alive.

His broken leg was bent oddly. One of the bones in his leg broke through his skin as he ran and was protruding from his skin at an angle with a splintered end. It was a miracle he had been able to run as long as he did.

Despite the tremendous pain he was in Steve pushed himself up to the elbows and looked up the 200 feet he fell. Tony was no longer on the storage container and there was no sign of him, Pepper, or Kilian.

“Tony?!” His voice was cracked and strained.

Tony did not respond or show himself. Steve sat himself up with a groan and looked back down at his broken leg. He bit into the flesh of his shoulder then pushed the bone back inside and nearly bit through his flesh from clenching his jaw as tightly as he did. A scream strangled his throat and blood from his shoulder filled his dry mouth, giving it much needed moisture. He swallowed the blood and let himself take in a steading breath then bit back down on his shoulder and straightened out the rest of his legs. He almost passed out from the pain but it had to be done, he could start to heal faster now that his bones were properly aligned.

One glance at his shoulder and he knew he would not be able to pop it back in without help. There was also nothing he could do for his broken ribs.

He fell back and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he did. The left side of his face still burned terribly but his right side itched more than burned, attesting to his healing.

He willed and prayed for his body to heal faster. Fear flowed through his blood like icy cold. Tony did not have a suit. How was he faring against Kilian?

He did not know how long he lay there. It felt like a million years of agonizing waiting and slow, slow healing. A huge explosion jarred him from his focus.

He looked over to the explosion, where the flames were still expanding in a bulbous cloud. On the other side of the flames, he saw two figures wearily push themselves up. In the middle of one of the figure’s chest, was a recognizable blue glow. The other, slimmer figure had to be Pepper.

And out of that raging fire, with his back to Steve, Kilian walked up to them.

Steve felt his heart leap into his throat and desperately looked around him. A large pipe, as tall as he was, lay a foot away. He dragged himself over to it and used it to pick himself up. Using the pipe more like another leg than a cane, he made his way over to the triad of tense people.

Kilian paused in front of Tony and Pepper. He raised his arms to either side as he victoriously stated, “No more false faces. You said you wanted the Mandarin, well you’re looking right at him. It was always me, Tony. Right from the start. I am the Mandarin!”

Steve came up behind Kilian, just as he finished his speech. He raised his pipe high over his head and knocked him back into the fire using all his strength. Kilian went flying into the fire and hit the base of a crane. His body crunched loudly in the impact.

Steve collapsed, clutching the pipe close to him like it was a lifeline. Tony stumbled more than stepped away from Pepper. He reached out to Steve and paused, his eyes drawn to something behind him.

Steve looked over his shoulder, praying it was not Kilian. It was one of Tony’s suits. What he saw was actually a relief until he heard Tony.

“Jarvis subject at twelve o’clock is not a target. Do not engage,” Tony commanded, his voice laced with fear. His hand hovered over his ear where his earpiece was supposed to be but it was gone, probably lost in his struggle with Kilian.

The suit did not hear him and shot at Pepper. She dodged it with a single step and glared at Tony.

Tony asked, “What? What are you mad at me?”

It was at that moment Kilian decided to step out of the fire again. Tony cleared the distance between himself and Steve. He tore the pipe from his clutches. He stepped in front of Steve and raised it like a bat, drawing a chuckle from Kilian.

Pepper, meanwhile, ran at the suit as it charged her a second time and collided with it midair. She brought it down with a single punch. She forced one of her glowing hands through the suit and slid her arm into the armored arm. She faced Kilian with a taunting smirk and Kilian changed directions and charged her with a growl.

She punched him with the metal arm and he flew back into the fire. She kicked one of the explosives that had fallen out of the suit and fired the repulsor at it as soon as it hit Kilian. It exploded, totally destroying Kilian and engulfing Pepper in the edge of its flames.

“Pepper!” Tony gasped. The fire cleared and Pepper stepped out. The fire licked at her glowing body, its caress caused no damage.

“Oh my God, that was violent,” Pepper gasped.

“You two scared the Devil out of me I thought you were dead!” Tony gasped indignantly. He glared down at Steve and said, “And you! That’s twice _in one day_!” Tony complained.

“I feel dead,” Steve groaned. He only had cracked open his right eye, his left eye still inoperable, and peered at Tony. He had a glow around him from the fire burn all round him it reminded him of the religious paintings he studied in art school. He whispered, “You look like an angel.”

Tony scoffed and said, “I think that fire cooked your brain…Babe, I hate to tell you this… you’re a mess…And you have no hair….or eyebrows.”

Steve leaned into Tony’s touch, loving the feel of his skin and its warmth, attesting to his living. He slurred, “I know…It’s fine, it will grow back.”

“It’s not fine!” Tony retorted angrily, “You are in pain! I’m afraid to touch you! Your flesh is charred! I'm afraid if I touch you it might crumble off!”

“I will heal,” Steve sighed.

“I could have easily survived that fall,” Pepper retorted disapprovingly.

“I forgot about the Extremis,” Steve murmured weakly. “I reacted on instinct. I will be fine in a week.”

“I am going to be deplorable to be around the next week,” Tony whined more than commented.

To distract Tony, Steve smirked and asked, “What? No wisecracks about my being bald?”

“I’ll save it for when half of your face doesn’t look charred. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything?”

“Who’s the Mama Bird now?” Steve joked. Tony always called him such when he overly worried over Peter. He sat himself up with a groan and Tony’s hand instantly shot out to support him.

“Okay, egghead. You are just asking for it now. Can Kilian take you back? I asked for eggs benedict not burned and definitely not scrambled…”

“That was pretty weak…”

“Sue me. I just survived a bad fight where I almost lost one of my best friends _and_ my boyfriend. And for some reason that insane boyfriend is complaining about my wisecracks when he should be worrying about himself! I am a little stressed out right now!”

As Steve let himself relax, his pain became more noticeable. He was so distracted by it, he only vaguely understood what Tony just said to him. He lurched forward, forgoing the strength to keep himself upright to staying conscious. He whispered with a light slur, “I love youuuu…”

“Okay, Steve, that just flipped off my sarcasm switch,” Tony stated seriously. He leaned over Steve, touching the right side of his face where he was not too badly burned. “Honey, what’s wrong? Please don’t be dying. You are not allowed to do so without my permission. So if you are dying, stop it. Stop it right now!”

“Nah,” Steve replied. “I’ma not gonna die on you. We haven’t had make-up sex. I owe you…”

“Damn right you do,” Tony replied instantly drawing a chuckle from Steve.

“I love you,” Steve repeated and closed his eye.

Tony lightly rested his forehead against Steve’s and murmured, “I love you too. Please be alright, Steve. Don't close your eyes, baby. Stay with me. Don't go now. I can hear sirens? Can you hear the sirens? Open your eyes, please, Steve.”

Steve sighed lightly and let all his weight fall into Tony.

The last few days he had been wondering if he was still cursed but here they were alive and… _relatively_ well. Both he and Tony faced numerous instances where they both could have died this last week but they survived despite the odds…

Maybe God did not hate him as much as he thought.

He wanted to open his eyes to reassure Tony but could not find the strength so instead he smiled, drawing the corners of his mouth up slightly and exposing his teeth.

Tony chuckled wetly and whispered, "I said open your eyes not your mouth, dummy..." 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've used some of Natasha's background from the comic book universe which is not mentioned in the movie verse!

Steve did not remember falling unconscious but the next thing he knew he was waking up in SHIELD Medical. He was hooked up to half a dozen monitors all which were humming lightly with the exception of his heart monitor that beat instinct with his pulse. He had crisp white bandages on his face, neck, hands, and legs. Out of his left eye everything he saw was through a red lens which was somewhat disorienting so he closed it. He took it was a vast improvement over being blind.

Tony was sitting in the same chair he had been the last time they were in SHIELD Medical, after the attack in Central Park. His eyes glowed in the reflection of the tablet on his lap and he was covered in the same grime and wearing the same clothes he fought in. Steve easily surmised that he had never left his side which drew a small smile to his lips.

He shifted slightly to get a better look at him and Tony’s head shot up. He dropped his tablet on the chair and was instantly at Steve’s side as soon as he saw him move.

“Hey, Sleepyhead,” Tony murmured, his eyes searching his, looking for anything wrong.

“Hey, Tony,” Steve sighed.

“How are you? Do you need any more pain meds?”

“I am fine,” Steve murmured. He stiffly pushed himself up and asked, “How long have I been out?...And please don’t tell me Peter’s seen me like this.”

“…Peter’s outside with the others. He has not seen you yet, we thought it best he should see you awake. You have been out a few hours. And it’s technically a new day but it’s still dark out so let’s just say its night. You’ll be happy to know you are no longer bald and have some peach fuzz.” Tony ran his hand over an exposed portion of his head where his hair was already starting to grow.

“Peter’s here?!” Steve gasped, only hearing that crucial bit.

Tony frowned and replied, “Yes, _everyone_ is here.”

By the tone of his voice, Steve easily guessed, “Bucky is here…”

“Yes.”

Steve looked down and said, “I asked him to stay. I know you might not like it but he was there for me when I thought you were dead…” Steve bit down on his lip, not knowing how Tony was going to take it, and said, “He kissed me again, Tony.”

“I don’t need to hear this, Steve,” Tony stated quickly, his face growing paler.

“But I did not reciprocate, even though I thought you were gone. Your death made me realize how much more important you are to me…I choose you, Tony. No matter what, it’s you.”

He reached out to Tony and he could not help but remember the last time he lay in a hospital bed and reached out to him. Tony had denied him last time. Tony stared at his outstretched hand and stated, “…Steve, I want to say some things, things that you won’t want to hear but I need to do this or I will question this relationship for the rest of my life.” Tony’s gaze stayed fixated on Steve’s hand so he kept it outstretched but his muscles tensed and his fingers threatened to tremble.

“Alright…” Steve agreed, his throat constricting the word slightly.

“Do you promise not to say anything until I have said my piece?” Tony asked, his eyes finally lifting to meet Steve’s gaze.

“I promise,” Steve whispered, afraid to raise his voice any higher.

“Alright…Well then let’s start from the beginning…to when we first started dating.” Tony sighed loudly then said, “I waited to ask out at first for two reasons…firstly, because I did not think you were gay, which you already know. Secondly…I never thought you would want someone like me…”

Steve’s brows shot together in a tight pinch and he bit down on his tongue, already wanting to speak out.

Tony continued, “I’m self-destructive while you are this kind, wholesome person engineered to be perfect. On top of that I’m vain, I’m an alcoholic, I’m nearly twice your age, I dedicate more time to my inventions than people, and –.”

“ _Tony_ ,” Steve interrupted, unable to take any more of the self-hate.

“You promised not to speak until I said my piece!” Tony glared at him until Steve shut his mouth and ground his teeth in frustration. Tony continued, “And I’m just a mess, more so especially after the vortex. I’m a grown man but you have to take care of me just as much as Peter, being there for me when I have nightmares, feeding me when I forget to eat, making me sleep…And you are gorgeous but I am this skinny, old guy covered in grease half the time with some grey hair starting to come in…From my perspective, Barnes is a perfect fit for you…You would not believe the number of times I almost called you from California to tell you to cut your losses and go to him…” Tony’s voice dwindled and he looked down, his eyes sad and misty. “I do not think I deserve to be the one you choose. I do not think I am more important…”

He stopped talking and the room got so quiet that Steve could have sworn Tony stopped breathing. He could tell Tony wanted to say more but he remained tightlipped as if unable to speak anymore.

“Can I speak now?” Steve asked in a whisper. Tony nodded, his gaze still cast downward. Steve hated it. He hated seeing Tony so weak and vulnerable but he hated more how Tony viewed himself. He never knew he harbored these feelings but then again this was just like Tony to hide this from him…Tony always hide his true feelings behind a joke or a smile and it was hard for him to open up about himself.

Steve pushed his open hand closer to Tony and said, “Tony, I have known you for years. We are best friends and I know all your quirks. And I knew all this when you asked me out. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to date you… _And I do not regret it in the slightest_. I only regret not knowing you thought this way…Everything you just said, I do not see that when I look at you. I’ve never see it that way. _Never_. The man sitting in front of me is a wise, joyful, giving, heroic person. You are someone I have always looked up to. I don’t think you are vain or old or a mess. And I take care of you because I want to. But most importantly, I love you.” He paused to measure Tony’s reaction to his words. He could see the muscles twitching in Tony’s jaw as he clenched his teeth.

Steve continued in a light whisper, “I know things have been bad since Bucky came into the picture. I know I messed up when I kissed him. I did not know who I loved more until I thought I had lost you. But, Tony, you have been one of the only constants in my life since I woke from the ice. Until that moment, I had not realized how important you are to me. I may have glanced Bucky’s way but you will always be a part of me. I don’t need Bucky. I lived without him for years but you…I need you. The world is a darker place without you in it…”

“…I felt similarly when I thought you had gone down in Air Force One,” Tony whispered. “That combined with this horrible guilt because I had thought I had failed to save you when I had the chance…”

“You save me every day by just being here,” Steve whispered. “I would have never survived the 21st Century without your guidance. And you and your smile gives me hope for a future…a future I could never have with Bucky.”

Tony’s face broke into a smile and he took Steve’s bandaged hand in his, interlacing their fingers. Steve’s breath caught in his throat.

“So I won you? I’m the first to break the Winter Soldier’s win record?” Tony said with a gleeful smile, his voice laced with emotion and a dash of the teasing humor Steve loved so much.

Playing along, Steve mockingly groaned and said, “I take it back. Get Bucky in here.”

“No takie backsies!” Tony gasped childishly and tightened his hold on Steve’s hand, drawing a laugh from Steve.

Steve pulled Tony toward him through their connected hands and, once he was close enough, cupped his hand behind Tony’s neck. He gently pulled Tony down for a kiss and Tony willingly complied. He opened his mouth to Steve and Steve sighed in relief as Tony moved in to gently claim his lips. There was going to be a long road ahead of them to rebuild their trust and relationship but both of them wanted it and it was more than Steve could ask for.

His laugh was loud enough to draw attention from outside and there was a light knock on the door and Tony and Steve broke their kiss. They looked to the door just as Coulson stuck his head inside.

“Are you up for more visitors, Cap?” He asked.

Steve squeezed Tony’s hand and replied, “Send them in.”

The Avengers filled in solemnly, followed by Bucky, then lastly by the Parkers. A tired looking Peter was in May’s arms and his eyes instantly focused on Steve. He stared at Steve blankly as if he did not recognize him. His tiny hands played with the dog-tag attached to his wrist.

“Hi,” he said to everyone but his eyes stayed focused on his son. Peter’s brows knotted upon hearing his voice.

“P-Papa?” Peter questioned, by the tone of his voice he could tell his son did not want Steve to confirm it. Steve must have looked horrible. He probably resembled more of a scary mummy than Peter’s father.

May stepped up to the side of the bed to bring Peter closer to his side.

“It’s me, Petey,” Steve replied in a hushed voice.

“Y-You awe _really_ hurted,” Peter gasped and was instantly on the verge of tears.

“I’m going to get better,” Steve soothed. He gently touched Peter’s leg and his boy flinched from the texture of the bandages.

“But you awe not allowed to ge-get hurted! You awe a superhero!” Peter gasped, his voice bordering on hysterics.

Steve’s shoulders dropped. He knew this conversation would come one day. He just wished Peter was a little older to better understand. He whispered, “Everyone gets hurt, including me. Because I am a superhero I am going to get hurt a lot…Everyone on the Avengers will…”

Peter looked around at his collective family with large, scared eyes and gasped, “No!”

“It’s part of the job, kid,” Tony murmured sadly from Steve’s side.

Peter buried his face in May’s chest and the older woman placed a comforting hand on his back. Her lips were pursed in a thin, tight line, containing her upset and she looked down at her nephew with sad resignation.

Ben stepped up behind her and gently placed his hand on Peter’s head. Peter lifted his head and peered at his uncle with damp, glassy eyes.

“Your father is one of the strongest men on the planet. He does not use that power selfishly as many others would, Peter. He helps people because he knows with great power comes great responsibility. If it weren’t for your father thousands would be dead and many more would be hurt…”

“But I don’ want him to be hurted…”

Natasha stepped next to Ben and murmured, “It is going to happen but you can bet the rest of us are going to fight like hell to keep him and every one of us safe.”

“Rightie-o, kid, we aren’t going to give up your dad that easily,” Clint said, slinging an arm over Natasha’s shoulder.

“I will protect him,” Bucky grunted with a frown. He stabbed his glare into the ground as everyone looked at him. He stated, “I have never failed a mission and Steve…your father, is mine now.”

“But he failed in the mission of looove,” Tony whispered to Steve.

“Tony!” Steve hissed.

“I can read lips, Stark,” Bucky growled.

“So can we,” Clint added, nodding to himself and Natasha, and stifling a chuckle.

“And my hearing is superior to you mortals,” Thor added with a smirk.

“What on Earth did I just miss?” Bruce asked, exchanging confused glances with the Parkers.

“Stark being an ass,” Clint retorted.

“Clint!” Steve groaned. “Language! Peter is right next to you!”

Peter was rubbing the tears from his eyes. A light smile was on his lips as he watched his family banter.

Steve reached out to Peter and asked, “Can I hold you, Pete?”

Peter looked up to his aunt then back to Steve and nodded. May wordlessly transferred Peter to Steve’s arms.

“Did you get bigger?” Steve gasped. “I could have sworn you were this big last I saw you!” He held up his hand and cupped his fingers to replicate the size of a small hamster.

“I was never dat small,” Peter retorted, frowning like Tony would when he did not get his way. It made Steve laugh and he hugged his son close to his chest. The rest of his family watched the scene with a found eye…all except Bucky, who dropped back and slinked back into the shadowed corner of the room with a carefully constructed blank expression and dark, stormy eyes.

\---

Steve was dragging himself out of the bed within the next hour. Outside, the night sky was giving way to the dawn of a new day and every time he looked out the window it was a different color sky outside. Once he got his land legs back underneath him, he was asking about being discharged.

Everyone had left and gone back to the Tower, except for Tony and Peter. As Steve practiced his walking Tony and Peter watched with hooded eyes, heavy from lack of sleep. Peter sat on Tony’s lap and watched curiously while Tony watched him with a frown.

“How about no?” Tony retorted, he did not want him to check out of SHIELD Medical just yet. Peter yawned heavily and leaned back into Tony’s chest. Peter’s big blue eyes were almost indistinguishable as he followed Steve’s pacings across the room.

“The breaks in my bones are only minute fractures now, I can walk on them for short periods and my skin is already starting to regrow,” Steve stated. He had already removed most of the bandages and only kept the ones on his face so not to scare Peter. His flesh was mostly exposed on his jaw and only a part of his ear had grown back. The white of his left eye was also bright red so he kept it closed. His hands were dark red and swollen as was the skin of his neck and the right side of his face. Yet, since he woke the swelling had gone down greatly. Steve was confident he would be better in a few days at this rate.

“Let’s focus on two words in that statement,” Tony growled. “One: fractures, as in the hundreds of fractures that are lining nearly every inch of your femur, tibia, fibula, and the majority of your ribs! Two: growing, as in your skin, as in the left side of your head is pretty much devoid of it. And you want to leave this safe, sanitized space to do what exactly?”

“Sleep in my own bed,” Steve replied.

“I can have a real mattress delivered here within the hour if you don’t want to sleep on this thing,” Tony said, motioning to the tiny hospital bed beneath him. Peter sleepily followed Tony’s hand to the direction of the bed then yawned again. Both Steve and Tony paused in their argument to watch the yawn then traded knowing glances. Tony shifted Peter in his arms so the toddler was leaning back more. Hopefully, he would go to sleep soon. The poor guy must have been exhausted.

Steve sighed heavily and went to run his hand through his hair but his fingers met bandages instead. He awkwardly pulled back his hand and whispered, “I don’t like hospitals, Tony.”

“Me neither but they’re around for a reason,” Tony retorted, his voice also a degree lower. He began to rhythmically stroke Peter’s soft hair and his boy’s eyes began to flutter.

“It just brings back bad memories,” Steve whispered with a stiff shrug. “…My mom died of cancer in a hospital…It was a long process which I don’t like being reminded of.”

Comprehension dawned on Tony’s face and he said, “Okay, can you at least wait another hour so I can get a cleaning crew to sanitize the shi- _sheep_ out of your floor?”

“Sheep?” Steve asked, stifling a chuckle at Tony’s attempt at not cursing.

“They’re very clean animals,” Tony retorted smartly, rocking Peter a little. He murmured to his son, “I think your dad is teasing me, Peter…”

Peter did not reply or seem to hear him. His eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly agape.

“You clearly have never been to a barn,” Steve replied with a roll of his eyes. He leaned against the bed next to Tony and peered down at his precious son with a tender smile. He whispered, “I can wait another hour.”

“Thank God,” Tony sighed. He carefully pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a few buttons before bringing it up to his ear. He kept one hand on Peter and said in a hushed voice, “Jarvis, get a cleaning crew to sterilize every corner of Steve’s floor. Make it snappy, we have an hour time limit!”

He turned off the phone before Jarvis could reply and grinned at Steve.

The next hour, Tony and Steve fawned over Peter and quietly spoke about the Mandarin, both giving each other their side of the story.

Eventually, Tony’s phone dinged, alerting them to their time being up. The noise woke Peter, who mumbled unhappily from lack of sleep.

Bruce had come to pick them up in Tony’s Bentley.

Tony grew quiet as he sat in the vehicle. He buckled Peter into his car seat and the toddler fell back sleep in seconds. As Steve came in Tony offered him his hand and helped guide him to his seat.

“This is Happy’s favorite car, isn’t it?” Steve asked him in a hushed voice.

“Yeah…” Tony whispered, his expression sad.

Happy was still in a coma. Tony looked wistfully out the window up to the portion of the building which was SHEILD Medical, he told Steve Happy had been transferred there that morning from the hospital in California.

“Ready to go, sir?” Bruce asked with a wily grin, not hearing the exchange between Tony and Steve. He put on an overly exaggerated accent to sound like one of those butlers one sees on TV.

Playing along, like nothing was wrong, Tony leaned back with a smirk and replied, “Onward, Banner.”

He gripped Steve’s hand tightly, letting only him know his true feelings.

\---

Steve expected to go home and sleep, with Tony snuggling into his side, instead they came home to anarchy.

“Sir, I cannot allow you access to the upper levels due to Security Code 14.75,” Jarvis stated when they tried to use the elevator from the garage.

Tony was holding Peter again and stared blankly at the ceiling. When he comprehended Jarvis’s words, he gasped, “WHAT?”

“What is it?” Steve asked. Bruce also looked questionably at Tony.

“Security Code 14.75 is when Avengers are fighting!”

“Someone’s attacking the others?” Steve gasped, his mind ruing with possibilities. Mainly, could Kilian have survived and come back for revenge?

“No! It means they’re attacking _each other_! Jarvis Security Override Alpha-Foxtrot-12. Who is it??” Tony demanded. They all rushed into the elevator and the doors closed behind them.

“Mistress Romanov and Master Barnes are quarreling and Masters Odinson and Barton are trying to stop them,” Jarvis replied. “I take it you wish to go to the community floor where they are?”

“Yes!” Tony replied then looked down to Peter with a stricken expression. He looked to Steve in question.

“We’ll bring him. He might be the only thing that will stop them. Natasha loves him and Bucky-,” he let the statement hang in the air but he and the others knew Bucky loved Steve.

When they reached the floor, the doors opened and they could hear the raised voices. Bruce flinched and said, “I think I am going to wait here…Jarvis can tell me when it’s safe to approach.”

Steve and Tony nodded and they surged forward, following the escalating voices.

Peter reached out to grab Steve’s dog-tags, forgetting he was in Tony’s arms, and found only Tony’s reactor. He did not grab the dog-tag still hanging on his wrist but clamped onto the reactor through the fabric of Tony’s shirt. Peter murmured, “Wha’s happening?”

His question was answered as they entered the kitchen and found it completely destroyed. The refrigerator, thrice the size of a normal one, had been ripped out of the wall and lay in the middle of the kitchen with a dagger sticking out of its side. The microwave was half imbedded in the wall. Nearly all the cabinet doors were broken, either caved in or totally torn off. The oven was the only thing that was still whole, probably because the assassins still had enough semblance not to mess with the lone appliance with flammable gas.

Bucky and Natasha were locked together in a deadly embrace on the floor. Natasha had her legs wrapped around Bucky’s neck and had a white knuckle grip on a thick knife that skewered Bucky’s metal hand. Bucky had his flesh hand wrapped around her neck. They both were trying to strangle each other and were glaring at the other with a fiery hatred. Clint had wrapped his arms around Natasha’s waist and was trying to pull her off Bucky and Thor had a hand on Bucky and Natasha’s chests trying to push them apart.

“WHAT THE HELL??” Tony screamed.

The four twitched but did not break apart.

“Get off each other right now!” Steve commanded.

“We’ve been trying to do that the last five minutes!” Clint grunted, “It freaking isn’t easy even with the God of Thunder as backup!”

“She attacked me first,” Bucky hissed, his face red from Natasha’s thighs crushing his windpipe. “I am only defending myself.”

“You incited it,” Natasha growled.

“Thor just pull them apart!” Tony groaned.

“I have been trying!” Thor gasped with confusion.

“He can’t!” Clint retorted, “They’re both super soldiers! Their streng-!”

Natasha’s free hand let go of Bucky’s strangling arm and she threw back her fist, punching Clint square in the face. Clint yelped and fell off her, clutching his nose.

“You promised to _never_ tell anyone!” Natasha hissed.

“What the fuck, Nat?! How else would you explain matching Barnes and resisting Thor!” Clint yelled. He straightened his broke nose with a grunt but did not go back to trying to get her off Bucky.

“You’re a-,” Tony gasped.

“-super soldier,” Steve finished breathlessly.

Natasha dropped her head then, after a pause, relaxed her hold on Bucky. Bucky regarded her distrustfully then let go of her. They let Thor separate them and both refused to look at the other.

There was a short hiatus of silence, in which, everyone but Bucky was staring at Natasha.

Natasha glared accusingly at them and hissed, “What? Did you think the U.S.S.R. would be satisfied with one malfunctioning super soldier?” She motioned to Bucky then dropped her hand, clenching her fist at her side. She turned around so all they could see was her back. Her shoulders shook and Steve knew she was trying to compose herself.

“How come you never told us? Told me?” Steve asked. He sat down heavily on one of the remaining barstools at the counter. His healing fractured legs could not no longer support him but he was so shocked by this new development he would not have been able to stand as it was.

She turned on Steve with a snarl, “You choose to become a super soldier. I was a child, only a few years older than Peter, and an orphan! Department X found me and erased who I was and what I was going to be! Were we supposed to have a moment? Was the fact that I am a super soldier too going to make us the best of friends? Were we going to braid each other’s hair and have sleepovers?” She asked cynically.

“I know you like to keep your secrets but this is a huge one, Natasha!” Tony hissed, “We are a team! We’re supposed to trust each other!”

Natasha’s glare turned on Bucky and she hissed, “I learned not to trust so easily long ago…”

“What is this?? What is going on between you two?” Clint groaned.

Natasha clamped her jaw shut and her glare on Bucky went from a slight burn to a laser death rays.

“I only asked her—,” Bucky began.

“Shut it, boss or I will shut it for you,” Natasha growled.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed and said to her, “I only asked _you_ why you changed your codename.”

Natasha lunged forward to attack him but Thor stepped in front of her. Bucky did not move and watched Natasha struggle with the Norse God with a gloomy eye.

“Auntie Tasha?”

Natasha froze upon hearing Peter’s voice.

Peter looked around at his collective family confused and he eyed the destruction of the kitchen with concern. Tony adjusted his hold on Peter and he looked up to Tony then looked back to Natasha and asked her, “Why you angry? Did Uncle Bucky do somethin’ bad?”

“Tell us, Natasha,” Tony said pointedly to the newly dubbed super soldier. “What is wrong? Why is a codename such a big deal to a spy? I bet you’ve had thousands of names while undercover.”

“Codenames are different,” Clint explained. “My codename is Hawkeye and will always be Hawkeye…It’s our only connection we have to ourselves. Our everyday names may change but we will always have our codename…Did you really have another codename, Nat?”

“It was the Shadow So-,” Bucky started to say.

“Shut it!” Natasha growled and tried lunging at him again. Bucky backed off and clenched his fists at his side, his metal fist sparked from the hole created by the dagger Natasha had stabbed him with.

“I only want to know,” Bucky whispered to her. “I _need_ to understand! Ever since I saw you the other day these memories have been coming back, memories of you, memories of us—.”

“It’s the past,” Natasha growled.

“It’s my past!” Bucky countered. “It’s a past when the Winter Soldier was more than just a machine! I want to remember more, _I need it!_ ”

Natasha jerked herself out of Thor’s hold and retorted, “We don’t always get what we want.” She spun around and shouldered past Tony and left the room.

The Avengers exchanged confused glances and Clint gasped what they were all thinking, “What the fuck?”

“ _Clint_ ,” Steve moaned. He motioned to his son and said, “Peter is right here!”

“I’m sorry but if you just witnessed what I did then you would be on the same page,” Clint gasped. He slid past Tony and said, “I have to find her.”

“And get your nose busted in again?” Tony called after the archer.

“I’m her partner! She’s calmer with me than you nitwits!” Clint retorted and disappeared.

Tony sighed heavily and said, “Jarvis, you might as well call back that cleaning crew. Looks like they have another mess to clean…Plus order us a new fridge…and microwave…in fact, get a hold of my contractor, the entire kitchen needs a remodeling…”

“I am sorry we could not detain them quicker and lessen the damage,” Thor muttered in shame.

“It’s alright, big guy,” Tony replied. “It comes with the job. We need a bigger fridge anyways. You and Steve are eating machines.”

Bucky silently slipped past Tony and sat on the ground at Steve’s feet, shutting Tony up. Bucky lightly grasped Steve’s leg and leaned into him with a content sigh. Bucky’s shoulders relaxed and his entire body slumped forward.

“How are you doing, Bucky?” Steve asked cautiously.

“I don’t know…” Bucky replied, closing his eyes as he nuzzled Steve’s calf muscle.

Steve looked up to Tony and saw he was frowning at Bucky.

“…He needs me—,” Steve began.

“What? You want alone time with him? And when he starts kissing you, then what? You’ll let him because it makes him feel better?”

“That won’t happen again. He knows that we are together, he understands that I choose you,” Steve stated. Tony opened his mouth angrily to retort but Bucky spoke first, shutting him up.

“I can speak for myself,” Bucky stated, making Steve and Tony twitch in surprise. They both looked down to Bucky but he refused to look at either of them. He peered blankly at Steve’s leg, tightened his hold, and said, “Ever since I saved Steve, so many memories have been coming back to me and then when I saw Natasha…I-I just need to understand…” He let the rest of the sentence float away, leaving Bucky the only one to know what he was searching for.

Steve looked up to Tony and using his eyes he pleaded to let him take care of his addled friend. Tony threw back his head with a groan and clutched Peter tighter to his chest as he murmured, “God, those eyes and to top it off with the injuries… _I am no match_.”

Steve urged Bucky to his feet and Peter’s eyes latched onto him and followed Bucky the entire time as they made their way to Steve’s floor.

Steve sat Bucky on his couch and Tony placed Peter on the ground by his toy chest. Steve and Tony slipped into his bedroom to talk in private.

“So what are you going to do with him?” Tony asked.

Steve sat on his bed with a groan. He rubbed his aching legs and replied, “Bucky said he does better with me around. He remembers the good times more than the bad. And being around Natasha seems to bringing out the bad memories.”

“But with him around…” Tony insinuated.

“Nothing is going to happen, Tony,” Steve sighed. “I know I messed up in the past but losing you changed that. I am not going to lose you again.”

“That does not change the fact that Barnes is unstable and loves you,” Tony retorted. “What if he forces himself on you?”

“I can handle him.”

“Like you did when he bashed your head in? How are you going to handle him when you are unconscious…I don’t want to see you get anymore hurt…”

Steve sighed heavily but did not counter what Tony said. What could he say? He was right Bucky was unstable and he himself said he was not in control of himself. What if the Soldier came out again?

In the pause in their conversation, Steve heard Bucky’s voice. Tony’s eyes narrowed as he heard him too. He was talking to someone.

“Did someone follow us?” Tony asked.

Steve shot off the bed and they both hurried back into the other room.

Peter was sitting at Bucky’s feet, his hand on his leg, and he was peering up at Bucky. Bucky was hunched over with his hands sitting relaxed in his lap and he was telling Peter, “—im since we were kids, so I guess I’m more of an un—…” He paused when he noticed Steve and Tony.

Bucky had a smile on his face. It was small and barely curved the edges of his lips but it was there as he spoke to Peter. It fell upon their appearance. It still managed to stop Steve in his tracks.

Tony did not notice the smile. He looked at the two with a frown and asked, “Is everything alright?”

Bucky nodded and Peter said, “Yah, I jusht asked Uncle Bucky a question…Are you a superhero too?” He added, directing the question to Bucky. Bucky flinched and replied, “Not really…”

“He is,” Steve stated. “He saved my life many times.”

“Steve—,” Bucky began with a disapproving tone.

Steve walked over the Bucky and picked up his son. He sat next to Bucky, placing Peter on his lap and said, “You can’t deny that you never saved my life.”

“But I have destroyed so many more,” Bucky whispered, peering down at his lap with a sad frown.

Steve reached out and grasped Bucky’s arm. He whispered, “And you feel horrible about it. You aren’t the monster you think you are, Buck. A monster wouldn’t care about those lives he took, you do.”

Bucky leaned into his side, burying his face into Steve’s shoulder. Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky’s head and pulled him into a small embrace.

Steve glanced over to Tony who was standing awkwardly on the other side of the room. He rolled his eyes and pointed to the bedroom. He went into Steve’s room to give them some privacy. Steve sighed lightly. This was not what he imagined to be doing at this point in the day.

He held onto Bucky until the man fell asleep. Peter also began to nod off. They both were probably awake all night worrying over Steve.

Steve gently disentangled Bucky from his side and laid him down on the couch.

Peter yawned deeply and rubbed his eyes. Steve went to Peter’s bedroom, planning on changing him into some pajamas. He sat Peter on his bed and went over the dresser. As Steve opened the top drawer to his dresser, Peter sleepily asked, “Why’s Uncle Bucky sleeping here?”

Steve’s hand froze over Peter’s folded shirt then he carefully picked it up and turned to Peter. He walked up to him and said, “Arms up.” Peter obeyed and lifted his arms. Steve pulled off his shirt then slid the pajama top on. Steve fluffed down the ruffles then paused with his hands still on Peter’s sides. He explained, “Uncle Bucky is not feeling too well and he feels better when he’s near me.”

Peter’s eyes widened and Steve could see a thousand questions blossom behind his sky blue eyes. He knelt and kept his hands on his son as he waited for the first question.

“Ish he my brother?”

Steve’s own eyes widened in surprise and he gasped, “No, why do you think that?”

“Because you awe my Papa,” Peter replied. “Since I’m your son, you made me feel good and wheneva you awe with me I feel good.” Steve smiled warmly at Peter and clasped his son’s sides lightly.

“That’s love Petey,” Steve explained. “That’s what you’re feeling and you don’t have to be father and son to love someone. Your Uncle Ben loves you and I bet you love him too,” Steve said with a knowing smirk to his son. Peter grinned in agreement and Steve explained, “Uncle Bucky is here because he loves me and…I love him… _But…_ I love you most of all.” Steve poked the tip of Peter’s nose upon his last statement and Peter scrunched it with a cocky grin similar to the one Tony wore and the warmth in his chest grew.

A sudden weight hit him like an anvil straight to the chest as his own words to Peter rebound with shocking clarity.

Whenever Tony walked into the same room as him, Steve instantly felt a comfortable warmth in his chest but with Bucky it was a fluctuating temperature that always varied. Tony made Steve feel content whereas Bucky made him feel…apprehensive. And just like the innate feelings he had with them he had different kinds of love toward them as well. He could not believe he did not see it before now.

Steve shakily stood up and sat next to Peter on the bed. Staring at the ground, his shocked expression still in place, Steve easily put it all together. He loved Bucky, how couldn’t he? He was his best friend for the majority of his life and knew nearly everything about Steve. He was also the first man he ever loved. He would always have a place for him in his heart. But the love he felt toward Bucky had changed. He fell in love with him yes but he had smothered it and it died. It was tragic but it happened.

The situation with Ross when the man was trying to killing Peter and then later when he and Bucky kissed all heightened his emotions. He was an emotional wreck and was not thinking as clearly as he was right now. It was the only reason why he reacted to Bucky so strongly! He was out of his mind and he turned to the only source of love that had been a center for him for the majority of his life. From even when he had nothing he had Bucky. Bucky had always been his right-hand man and when he was in such an emotional turmoil it was no wonder he turned to Bucky for support and latched onto it, thinking it romantic love.

He loved Bucky but he was not _in love_ with him.

Steve was _in love_ with Tony.

“Papa?” Peter questioned, grasping his arm.

“Yes, Peter?” Steve gasped, still shocked by the sudden revelation.

“Wha’s wrong?”

Steve seriously considered his question and replied, “A lot, there’s a lot of stuff wrong, Peter.”

Bucky loved him, really loved him and was depending on him. Steve loved Tony and Tony loved him but he was not too fond of Bucky. What if keeping Bucky around drove him away? And what about Natasha? She hated Bucky with a passion. Would his trying to help his friend break apart the team?

Steve lay back on the small bed with a groan. His head hit the opposite wall and Peter loomed over him with a frown. Peter hit his side with his tiny fists and demanded, “Don’ be sad!”

Steve sighed heavily and pulled Peter into a hug. He whispered, “I wish it could be so simple…”

Peter pulled himself out of Steve’s embrace and looked down at him with an extreme look of concentration. He suddenly puffed his cheeks, went cross-eyed, and stuck his tongue out at Steve.

Steve laughed at the bizarre face and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Uncle Tony made my sad go away by doing dis,” Peter explained and stretched out his mouth with both pointer fingers and exaggerated gagging noises.

“Stop before you hurt yourself!” Steve chuckled. He picked up Peter and sat up with him on his lap.

Peter plucked his fingers out of his mouth and asked, “Did I make the sad go?”

“All you need to do is smile to make my sad go away, Peter,” Steve murmured and Peter automatically smiled as wide as he could, displaying his tiny teeth.

Steve smiled in return and hunched over to collect his son in another hug. He whispered, “Thank you, I feel all better…I love you, Peter.”

“I love you, Papa,” Peter whispered back and the smile on Steve’s lips tugged up all the higher.

Steve laid Peter down in his own tiny bed and sat with him until he fell asleep. Steve slipped out of Peter’s room, closing the door quietly behind him, then checked on Bucky. The other man was right where Steve laid him, still asleep, utterly exhausted by the events of the day.

Steve slid into his room and went straight to Tony. He had been laying on the bed, playing with his tablet.

Steve cupped the back of Tony’s head and drew him into a deep kiss. When they split Steve informed him, “I am in love with you and only you.”

“Well I hope so since you’ve told me you love me a dozen times now,” Tony retorted with a happy grin. He had dropped his tablet and it lay forgotten at his side.

“I just realized that I may love Bucky but I am not in love with him,” Steve whispered, running his hands through Tony’s hair. “My heart is totally yours, Tony. I needed you to know that. This is more than me just choosing you over him. I love you and can’t imagine being with anyone else but you.”

Tony smirked and said, “So I not only beat the Winter Solider in the war of love but I totally pulverized him?”

“I think you destroyed the battlefield for anyone trying to even attempt to go after me,” Steve replied. “I don’t think I will be able to love another like you.”

Tony grasped his collar and murmured, “Come here you bandaged up idiot. I am freaking in love with you too.” Tony kissed him and Steve fell into him. The content feeling he thought he had lost after Tony left settled back into place and he knew it was there to stay.

They fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, with mirroring smiles on each other’s lips.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little smut followed by some revealing angst...
> 
> This chapter is a little longer than all the others!

Steve woke later that afternoon with Tony in his arms. The warmth of his content and love bubbled in his chest and he kissed Tony’s forehead. Tony continued to doze so Steve lightly traced his face with his fingertips and lips, memorizing Tony’s face with his eyes and touch. Eventually, Tony woke.

“What are you doing?” Tony asked him with a grin and a laugh on his voice. Steve leaned in toward Tony as he cracked open his hazel eyes.

“I was just thinking of the last time we slept together and how _long_ ago that was,” Steve murmured. He kissed the side of his neck and Tony groaned.

“Steve, the doctors said to take it easy this week,” Tony whispered breathlessly.

“Mmm hmm,” Steve replied, his mouth too busy tasting Tony’s skin to form words. He had yet to wash and the grit on his skin was salty and bitter. He pulled back and murmured, “Babe, you need a shower.”

“And you need to stop molesting me before you hurt yourself,” Tony retorted.

Steve chuckled and broke away from Tony’s neck to kiss him on the mouth. Tony’s lips parted for him without another word of complaint. When he eventually pulled back they shared mutual grins.

Steve traced the side of his face and whispered, “Having you here in my arms feels so precious. It still feels like just yesterday you were dead.”

Tony cupped the hand on his cheek, his eyes became glassy and his voice thicker with emotion as he replied, “To me you were dead just yesterday…”

He remembered Tony thought he had died on Air Force One and felt all his guilt rebound.

“I—,” Steve began and Tony put a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t you dare say ‘I’m sorry’ again, I have heard it enough to last a lifetime…and I…right now I just want to hold you, Steve…”

Steve happily pulled Tony into an embrace. Tony mumbled something unintelligible into his chest and Steve pulled back to better hear him. He noted his hands were covered in the crud from Tony’s skin and he looked down to see the sheets were also in need of changing.

Steve smirked and nuzzled his face into Tony’s hair. Into his scalp, he murmured, “You are so filthy, whatever am I going to do with you?”

“I’m a dirty boy,” Tony retorted with smirk. “You have firsthand knowledge of how dirty I can be.”

“Oh, yes I do,” Steve murmured, gladdened by the flirtatious tone of Tony’s voice. He hated that Tony still felt even the remotest pain. After everything Tony had been through, Steve wanted to give him everything and make him the happiest person alive. He deserved no less.

They shared another kiss, this one was slow and they breathed as one, sharing the same precious, life-giving inhalations. Steve’s hands trailed under Tony’s shirt, feeling for his lover’s heartbeat. It fluttered just to the left of his arc reactor. Steve gripped his pectoral and kneaded the flesh and drew his thumb over his nipple. Tony hissed sharply into his mouth.

“No sexy-time,” Tony groaned, pulling back from him.

Steve pouted and Tony forced a frown, when he clearly wanted to pout too. Yet as Tony looked at him he suddenly smirk and said, “I’m making you dirty too.” He licked a thumb and rubbed something off the side of Steve’s mouth. Steve looked down at himself and saw Tony left behind a trail of dirty grime wherever he touched him.

Tony pushed himself off the bed and murmured, “I’m going to take a shower and then you are going to get the sponge bath the doctor ordered.”

“That sounds thrilling,” Steve comment dryly, drawing a chuckle from Tony.

Tony kissed him one more time then hopped back and jogged into the bathroom. Steve lounged on the bed and contemplated napping until Tony returned.

He heard the shower turn on and Tony’s clothes slap the floor. He listened to the water splash as Tony stepped under the spray and, for a few moments, replayed the dozen or so instances he’d seen Tony under the spray. Sometimes he had been in the shower with Tony or sometimes he’d be brushing his teeth and Tony’s figure was just a blur in the background.

Steve suddenly was no longer content to merely wait and envision what he could behold with his own eyes. He slid out of the bed and tiptoed into the bathroom. The bathroom was spacious with a huge, Jacuzzi tub to the right and a toilet beyond it. Across from the tub, was a marble countertop with two sets of sinks and beyond that was the spacious shower Tony stood in. It was encased in glass, which was fogged by the hot water Tony was using. By the way the showerhead was positioned, Tony’s back was to Steve.

Steve grinned mischievously and sat on the lip of the tub and leaned against the wall. Tony did not notice him and continued to rub down his body, leaving behind a trail of suds on his skin. Steve inspected Tony’s torso looking for any damage. Tony said he was fine but he would also say that if he was hurt. When he was sure he was uninjured, Steve leaned back and enjoyed the view. Tony’s newly cleaned skin gleamed under the bright lights of the bathroom and made his muscles stand out in higher contrast. He could not help but he aroused by his boyfriend’s naked body and started to grow hard.

When Tony turned around, Steve had been staring at his ass but he kept his gaze locked into place and lingered on his crotch. Tony twitched in surprise then froze.

“Are you ogling me?” Tony gasped, in mock shock.

“Very much so,” Steve murmured, keeping his gaze locked in place with an appreciative smile. Tony smirked and pushed his wet hair out of his face.

“Stevvveee, you are making it very _hard_ for me to deny you,” Tony grumbled through his grin. He ran his hands quickly over the remaining suds all over his body to get rid of them. Tony continued, “I am supposed to be the irresponsible one with orders from authority, not you.”

“I’m just looking,” Steve replied innocently, he looked up to Tony’s face, wearing the most innocent expression he could muster. Tony scoffed when they made eye contact.

Tony ducked his head under the showerhead one last time and reached up to run his hands through his hair. He flexed his muscles out more than usual for Steve’s benefit and Steve hummed in approval.

Tony turned off the water and opened the shower door, releasing some of the white fog that had gathered inside. Tony pulled a white towel off the wall then left it on his shoulders, ignoring his wet body and half hard cock.

“Your turn,” Tony teased.

He walked over to Steve and stared into his eyes as if he was daring him to break eye contact. He leaned over the tub and placed a hand high on Steve’s thigh for leverage. As he turned on the tub, he gripped him tightly and his hold curled inward coming within centimeters of his crotch. Tony arched his back as he turned on the water and Steve squirmed under his touch, moaning lightly in the back of his throat as his eyes trailed down his naked backside. He was so tempted to reach out and pull Tony into him but held back. The doctor told him not to do anything physical and if he tired Tony would put an end to the little game they were playing. And Steve still had yet to make any moves yet.

The tub quickly filled behind him, aided by multiple jets. Tony filled it enough so the water would only reach Steve’s waist. Steve could only have sponge baths until his burns were completely healed but the worst burns were on the top half of his body so his lower half could be submerged.

Tony stepped back and finally pulled the towel from his shoulders. He toweled himself off a little then wrapped it around his hips. He stepped back then pushed himself up on the counter between the sinks and crossed his arms over his chest. He smiled smugly at Steve and nodded to him as he said, “Well…Strip. You can’t go in with clothes on.” Steve frowned and Tony teased, “Come on, I’m only going to be ‘just looking.’”

Steve rolled his eyes and bent down to peel off his socks.

He paused to look his hands next, smirking at the impatient huff Tony made as Steve took his time. His hands looked a million times better than when he last saw inspected. All his skin had grown back but they were still bright red and slightly swollen as if boiled. He flexed his hands experimentally. His skin was taunt and cramped when he closed his fist.

He took off the bandages on his head next and blinked open his left eye. His vision was watery and blurred at first but returned to normal after a few blinks.

“There’s those two baby blues,” Tony murmured approvingly.

Steve smiled at Tony but his eyes slipped from his boyfriend and were drawn to his own reflection of the mirror behind Tony. He had a fine layer of hair growing on his scalp and a growing stubble of light blonde hair highlighting his jaw. His entire head was red like his hands except for his left side which splotchy red, pink, and white. It was glossy as if wet and Steve’s eyes flickered down as his stomach churned unpleasantly at the sight.

“I don’t see you stripping, babe,” Tony teased. Steve’s gaze was drawn back to Tony and in his eyes he did not see disgust but desire, sprinkled with a dash of mirth. Tony did not see the deformity, he saw Steve and only Steve. He was teasing him like he always did and it made the unease in his stomach blossom with steady warmth.

Steve pushed himself up and met Tony square in the eye. Two could play at this teasing game and Steve was no longer the blushing virgin he was when he first met Tony.

Steve held Tony’s gaze and slowly pulled up his shirt, flexing his muscles and rocking his hips slowly as he did. His skin prickled in the damp, cool air and his nipples hardened into perky beads. It was only when he met Tony’s eyes that he finally shivered. He dropped the shirt with a snap and bit down on his lower lip. Tony visibly gulped, drawing a smirk from Steve.

“Something wrong, Tony?” Steve murmured.

“Oh no, just living out two—no, three—fantasies right now. All good, Steve, all good,” Tony whispered hoarsely and cupped his crotch, adjusting it slightly under the towel.

Steve grinned and trailed his hands down the spots he wanted Tony to touch him. Starting at his chest, he cupped his pecs then circled his nipples with his thumbs before drawing his hands lower. He started to sway his hips but also began to tremble under Tony’s intense gaze. All his attention was focused on Steve and his hand was rubbing his crotch making Steve wonder how hard he was. Steve’s mouth dried as his imagination ran wild and he licked his lips.

His hands slid down his stomach, following the line of muscles until he reached the waistband of his pants. He wore scrubs from the hospital, his uniform had been taken away for repair. The loose pants did nothing to hide his growing erection and were easy to slide off. He dropped the scrubs once he got it past his hard length and kicked it away.

His legs quaked but he was not sure if it was from his healing fractures or if it was because of the noise Tony made when he dropped his pants.

Tony’s hand was rhythmically rubbing himself as he stared at him with hooded eyes. Steve held his gaze as he stepped into and lowered himself in the tub, the warm water felt cool against his flush skin.

He lowered himself down slowly and groaned as he got the pressure off his legs and stretched his limbs out in the water. He leaned back, letting his head fall back over the rim of the tub. He closed his eyes and let himself relax for a moment.

“You should start cleaning yourself,” Tony suggested hoarsely.

Steve cracked open his eyes and looked to Tony. He smiled playfully and held his red hands up as he said, “I do not think I could hold the wash cloth for long. Can you help me?”

Tony’s mouth dropped his then he pushed himself off the counter and said, “Help? Yes, I can. Good idea. I’m glad to do it! Don’t want you straining yourself…We’re up to four fantasies now by the way.”

Steve chuckled but fell silent as Tony grabbed the towel off the counter and scrambled to Steve’s side. He sat on the rim of the tub and his eyes raked over Steve’s form as if he had not just seen it when he stood before him seconds prior.

Tony had seen him naked numerous times but every time he treated Steve as if he was a precious piece of art. The way he was looking at him right made Steve’s toes curl and his breathing shallow.

“Something wrong?” Steve teased, loving the way Tony was studying him.

“Oh no,” Tony whispered. “I was just wondering where to start…”

Tony leaned forward to take the bar of soap from its caddie in the wall. He hovered close to Steve, his breath intermingling with Steve’s as he did. It took all of Steve’s willpower not to kiss him.

Tony plunged the dry towel into the water right next to where Steve was sitting. He stirred the towel beneath the water to make sure it was totally wet and the cloth caressed the side of Steve’s hips and just ghosted over the clenching muscles of his ass.

Steve inhaled sharply and whispered, “I might have a few suggestions on where to start…” Tony stopped moving and his eyes flickered to Steve.

“Where?” Tony asked, his voice breathless.

Steve caressed the side of his neck and murmured, “Maybe here…I think you rested your head here and left behind some dirt.” Tony smirked at his jibe and Steve trailed his hands down lower. He slowly ran his fingers over the contours of his abdomen, just beneath his navel, tracing where Tony touched him earlier, and murmured, “Or maybe here…I think you left a few handprints when you touched me…”

“Marking my territory,” Tony said, his voice rumbling in his throat, sending a thrill down his spine. He grinned possessively and raised the towel to wash him there. Steve motioned him to stop and Tony looked questionably at him.

“Or…” Steve whispered, his voice breathless at his daring. He trailed his hands lower and he ran his fingertips up the sides of his sensitive cock and gasped, “But I think I am dirtiest here. I haven’t touched myself here since you left.”

“That has been a long time,” Tony commented. His eyes followed Steve’s hands as they traced the edge of his penis, going up and down with nothing more than a fleeting caress. His dick throbbed at the touch and the promise for more. Tony lifted the towel out of the water and the excess fluid poured off the fabric in a loud chorus of splashing water. He quickly rubbed the soap into a lather on the towel and stated, “I think I will start there and if your doctor asks, we did this for hygienic purposes.”

“Yes, hygiene is very important for someone healing,” Steve agreed breathlessly.

“I’m glad we are in agreement,” Tony stated and reached between Steve’s legs. He dipped the towel under the water and cupped his balls. Steve threw his head back with a groan and tightly gripped the rims of the tub. Tony lingered down there, rolling his balls in his hand then paying particular attention to each testicle stroking each as if he was polishing fine silver. He took his time and it drove Steve to the edge.

“Oh—oh God,” Steve gasped, his mind spinning. “I—I th-think you cleaned that section fairly well.”

“Should I move on?” Tony murmured, one finger uncurled from the towel and lightly touched the base of his cock.

His cock twitched and he had to fight back the urge to rut. Pleasure rushed through his body and Steve groaned, “Oh yes, yes you should.”

“Would it be unsanitary to clean the rest of this particular area with my mouth?” Tony asked, his finger caressing the base of Steve’s cock drawing a groan from Steve. “What do you think, Steve? Should I stick with the towel or go with my mouth?”

“Yes,” Steve gasped, already imagining Tony’s hot mouth engulfing him.

Tony chuckled and said, “I don’t think that answered my question.”

“I don’t care,” Steve groaned. He could not even remember what Tony asked him. He growled, “Your mouth, on me, now.”

“My pleasure,” Tony murmured. He scrambled to his feet and tore off his towel. Tony slid into the tub between Steve’s legs and placed his hands down on either side of his hips. Tony’s cock was swollen hard and he thrust it in the direction of Steve’s erection but only ghosted over the tub water. Tony exhaled heavily and his hot breath caressed his cock. Steve shuddered and inhaled a shaky breath.

“Your doctor would be so pissed if he found out what we are doing,” Tony gasped.

“Then we are not going to tell him how we sucked each other off,” Steve whispered, leaning forward to steal a kiss from Tony.

“E-Each other?” Tony garbled against his lips.

“My dirty boy needs a good cleaning too,” Steve replied making Tony moan.

“Yes,” Tony groaned. “That sounds nice. I should finish up here so you can help me.”

“Yes,” Steve agreed, his cock felt ready to burst. “You should hurry.”

Tony bent down and took all of Steve into his mouth in one gulp drawing a strangled cry from Steve’s throat and his hands dug into Tony’s scalp.

Steve did not last long under Tony’s roving tongue and after he came, he switched places with Tony and went down on him.

Afterwards, they sat together, facing each other, Tony’s legs draped over Steve’s thighs, their cocks nestled together side-by-side in the space between them, and their hands covered in suds cleaning every inch of each other. They never stopped kissing each other, whether it was their mouths or kissing the other’s skin.

When they left the tub, their fingertips had wrinkled with excess water and the tub water was freezing.

Tony insisted on babying him and had dried him off, helped dressed him, and reapplied his new bandages. Tony only covered the burns on Steve’s face despite wanting to wrap his hands as well. Steve’s flesh on his hands was no longer exposed so he saw no need for the protective dressings. Once his wounds were bound, Tony leaned forward lightly kissed his bandaged forehead.

“Good as new,” Tony murmured.

“I can’t wait until that is true,” Steve murmured, lightly caressing the side of Tony’s arm. Tony relented to the blow jobs but he would not make love with Steve until he knew he was totally healed. Steve could not wait to take Tony in his arms and show him how much he really loved him.

“Soon,” Tony murmured, pressing another kiss onto Steve’s lips. He stepped back and said, “I need to get dressed before I start kissing you again or else I’m just going to end up stripping you!”

He wore only the white towel around his waist since he did not pause to get dressed as he took care of Steve. He choose some loose clothing for Steve to wear, sweatpants and a large tank. Steve had teased Tony about how easy it would be for Tony to strip him, making Tony groan.

Steve smirked and replied, “I need to check on Peter anyways.”

They exited together, Steve exiting the bathroom to go to his son and Tony going to the closet. Tony slapped his ass as they parted and shot Steve an impish grin.

Peter was still asleep. Steve leaned over him, touching his belly lightly as he did. He watched him sleep and loved the sound his light exhalations. He leaned down and kissed his son’s tiny hand, the side of his soft cheek, and the tip of his button nose. He did it lightly enough that Peter slept through it all, drawing another smile to Steve’s lips.

“I love you, Peter,” Steve murmured, running his nose through his hair and inhaled the fresh lavender smell of Peter’s no-tears baby shampoo.

He lightly nudged Peter’s head with the side of his face, causing Peter to stir. Peter whined lightly and squeezed his eyes closed tighter.

“Wakey time, Petey,” Steve murmured.

“Nooo,” Peter grumbled.

“Yes,” Steve replied and he picked Peter up. Peter slumped over in his hold and curled into his chest with a tired yawn. Peter mumbled incomprehensible words into his chest and continued to refuse to open his eyes.

“You need to eat lunch,” Steve said, wondering if he had enough food in the last few days. “What do you want?”

“MmmMmm,” Peter hummed.

“Was that broccoli?” Steve teased.

“Noooooo,” Peter groaned, finally opening his eyes.

Steve chuckled and strolled out of the bedroom. He looked up and saw Bucky was still asleep on the couch. Steve motioned for Peter to be quiet and whispered, “Uncle Bucky is still sleeping.”

“Why can’ I be sweeping?” Peter grumbled.

“Cause you are a big boy,” Steve whispered as he crossed the living room to the kitchen. “What do you want, Peter?”

“Apple sauce,” Peter said with a big yawn.

“Alright,” Steve said. Steve went straight to the fridge and opened the door. The refrigerator was sparsely filled compared to the one on the community floor but he still had more than enough for Steve and Peter to snack on. He grabbed the apple sauce and sat Peter on the counter.

Peter yawned again and watched Steve with barely open eyes as he pulled out a tiny spoon. He opened the apple sauce, scooped out some and held out the full spoon to his son.

“I can feed myself,” Peter murmured.

“Humor your old Pops,” Steve said. Peter sighed, probably too tired to protest and opened his mouth. Steve grinned and excitedly fed him the scoop. When Peter first started living with him, he was old enough to feed himself. Steve never got many opportunities to hand feed him.

Tony shuffled into the kitchen when Peter was halfway through the apple sauce.

“Hi, Uncle Tony,” Peter said with a mouthful of food. He was more awake now kicking his feet over the edge of the counter.

“Hey, kiddo,” Tony replied. “Sleep well?”

“Yah, until Papa woke me.”

“Oh shush,” Steve said, feeding him another spoonful.

Tony turned on the coffee machine and asked Steve, “What are you going to do about the cyborg on the couch?”

Steve sighed and corrected, “ _Bucky_ – and I do not know…I think we need to sit down and talk through everything…He told me he was not going to give up on us being together in the end and I need to get him to understand that it is not going to happen…” Steve scooped more apple sauce and fed it to Peter. He waited for Peter to start chewing the apple chunks before continuing, “And if Bucky is still willing to talk to me at that point then I want to ask him about what is going on between him and Natasha.”

“Good luck,” Tony stated with a chuckle. Steve smirked in agreement. Bucky might not tell him anything in fear of Natasha’s wrath but he had to try.

Steve scrapped the last of the apple sauce out and fed the final scoop to Peter. He tossed the spoon in the sink then threw the empty container into the trash.

“Why don’t I take Peter with me down to my workshop while you talk to him?” Tony suggested. “Pete can build his Pops something awesome while Uncle Tony builds an almost as awesome helmet for his Mark 43.”

Peter grinned at the suggestion and asked, “Papa can I?”

Steve rubbed his back and said, “Of course! But in the meantime, since Uncle Tony is waiting on his coffee, do you want more to eat?”

“Yah but can I feed myself? I’m a big boy, remember?”

Steve chuckled and relented, “Fine.”

\---

When Tony and Peter left, Peter with a full belly and Tony with a large mug of coffee, Steve ventured into the living room.

Bucky remained dead to the world on the couch in a deep sleep. Steve bit down on his bottom lip. He doubted Bucky slept so well anywhere else. Bucky truly felt safer around Steve. He hoped he did not destroy that trust with what he had to say…

“Bucky,” Steve said gently and lightly shook his shoulder.

Bucky murmured something in Russian and buried his face in the cushion.

“Come on, Buck,” Steve said. “It’s time to get up.”

Bucky blinked open his eyes with a small smile on his lips that smile disappeared as his eyes focused on Steve. He sat up and looked around them then his shoulders slumped.

“You okay?” Steve asked, tightening his hold on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Yes, it’s just…” Bucky sighed and said, “I just wish my dream was really happening. I wish I could go back to that moment in time…”

Steve sat down on the couch next to him and asked, “What was it?”

Bucky’s blue eyes turned a few shades darker and he whispered, “…A memory.”

“Of what?”

“Apparently it’s a past that does not matter anymore,” Bucky stated, shaking his head. Steve frowned when Bucky quoted Natasha’s words and knew the memory involved her. Bucky’s eyes trailed up Steve’s body, cataloging his wounds, and asked Steve, “How are your injuries?”

“Healing, I think I’m going to be all better sooner than I thought,” Steve stated. “Bucky, about that memory—.”

“Forget it,” Bucky hissed.

“But—.”

“I said forget it,” Bucky growled and Steve raised his hands in defeat.

“Whatever you want, Buck,” Steve replied softly. He changed the subject to a lighter topic to calm him down and said, “…You know, earlier Peter asked me if you were his brother?”

Bucky’s lips quirked at the sides and he said, “He asked me the same thing.”

“Was that what you two were talking about yesterday?” Steve asked with a half-smile.

“Yes, I was going to try to explain it him when you and Stark came back,” Bucky replied with a shrug.

“I explained it,” Steve replied. “He didn’t understand what love is so he thought I was taking care you because you were also my son…”

Bucky’s dropped his gaze and peered at his hands with an unreadable expression.

There is was, the topic of love. It was out in the open and Steve did not feel brave enough to broach any further on it.

“Ste—.”

“Buc—.”

They tried to say each other’s names at the same time then grinned bashfully at each other.

Bucky’s smile fell and he regarded Steve with a serious expression.

Without any warning, Bucky’s fist shot forward and knotted into Steve’s shirt. He pulled Steve toward him and smashed his mouth against his. Steve opened his mouth as he gasped sharply. Bucky took the opportunity to shove his tongue past his lips and explore his mouth.

Steve grunted in instant outrage and bit down on Bucky’s tongue. Bucky released him with a hiss of pain and Steve pushed himself off the couch and stumbled back.

“What the hell, Bucky?!” Steve hissed. He could not believe Bucky just did that! He knew Steve loved Tony and that he wanted to be in a committed relationship with him! Anger over Bucky’s indiscretion burned through his veins and he was tempted to punch him.

Bucky traced his lips and smeared away a bit of blood left over from his lacerated tongue. He grinned at his red fingertips then looked to Steve and chuckled.

Steve clenched his fists, maybe he really would punch Bucky. He felt a flush grow on his cheeks from his anger toward Bucky’s actions and his shame for letting it happen, even if it was for a fraction of a second. He and Tony were just getting back on track! His stomach clenched painfully as he imagined telling Tony about the stolen kiss. He would never keep such things from him but he hated that he had to hurt him again.

Bucky let his head fall back over the couch and he murmured, “I love you, Steve. I always have and I always will.” Steve’s heart dropped at his words. This was not where he wanted the conversation heading. The anger that churned in his gut immediately frosted over into an icy fear.

“Buc—,” Steve began but Bucky continued talking.

“ _But_ I’m starting to remember I loved others, Steve. You are one of the big ones but you were _one_ of them, Steve.”

Steve bunched his brow together and asked, “Wh-What does that have to do with kissing me?? What are you trying to say?”

“I…I love you, Steve and I remember wishing we together. But I also remember giving up. I remember letting it go. I had given up on there being anything more than a friendship between us. There will always be an attraction, you’re gorgeous I can’t help it, but…but the love I feel toward you is only from our friendship. I…I did not realize this until recently. I’m sorry about pulling you along like that…I had only remembered those feelings or attraction and thought it was real. My kiss was just to confirm it. I have kissed…others and knew when it was love and when it was lust. What I felt toward you was lust.”

“Was?” Steve caught the word and repeated it with caution.

Bucky nodded and confirmed, “Was…Like I said, I remember falling out of love and remember attaining an attraction for…others. I…I’m sorry about the kiss by the way…”

Steve stared blankly at Bucky, his lips still tingling from being kissed so forcefully. He looked down at his lap as he processed his words. He made the conscious decision to speak the truth.

“I had smothered it, pretended it was not there,” Steve whispered. “Recently, I finally let it die…”

Bucky lifted his head and looked to him. He smirked and said, “Well aren’t we two peas in a pod, tiptoeing around each other, trying not to hurt the other when all along we are trying to tell the other the same thing…”

Steve scooted closer to him and asked, “Are you serious? You were so _adamant_ about us starting something.”

“I thought it was serious until I rem…” Bucky trailed off and murmured the last word so quietly he barely heard it, “Remembered.”

“Remembered?” Steve tried again. He wanted to beg him to talk to him and tell him what it was that was plaguing him. What was he remembering?

Bucky looked away from him again and whispered, “Natasha.”

“What?”

“I remembered Natasha,” Bucky murmured.

Steve stared blankly at him and waited for him to continue.

“We were together, Steve,” Bucky murmured. “It was her kiss I was comparing yours to. I loved her and I did not get the chance to fall out of love like all the others…like with you…They wiped my mind and froze me before I could even fathom it, not that I wanted to fathom it…We were happy together. I was the Soldier and for the first time as that monster I saw a future that was not covered in blood…I just don’t understand, why she is so upset…I don’t think I did anything wrong…I mean I had no choice whenever I was frozen or my mind was wiped…I don’t understand why she is so angry.” He hesitantly explained at first but the words seemed to come out faster as more came out. He griped his head tightly with his metal hand and hissed, “I wish I can remember everything.”

Steve grasped his arm and murmured, “Are you sure you two did not break up badly?”

“No,” Bucky growled. “I remember fighting them, fighting the mind wipe, trying to get to her.”

“Was she there?”

The metal fingers dug deeper into Bucky’s scalp and he whined, “ _I don’t know_.”

“I can talk to her,” Steve offered. Maybe Natasha did not know Bucky fought for them. Maybe she was angry because she thought Bucky had abandoned her.

“She will attack you too,” Bucky retorted with a groan.

“Not if I’m holding Peter,” Steve stated and Bucky’s hold on his scalp relaxed a fraction.

“You’re serious,” Bucky stated.

“Yes, you’re my best friend, Buck. If you are in trouble I am going to help you,” Steve replied, the forced kiss was already forgotten and forgiven. “And if she will try to run away but I will get Tony to put whatever room we are in in lockdown.”

Bucky extracted his hand from his scalp and smiled gratefully at Steve. The smile was small and nothing like the ones Bucky used to present him but it was there, tentative and weak, but the fact that Bucky was smiling made Steve’s heart swell with excitement.

“Tell me everything you remember. Then tell me what you want to ask her and I will do it,” Steve promised, leaning forward with excitement. This was nothing like he had expected their conversation to go. They both felt similarly and there was no heartache between them.

It was just like the old times, him and Bucky getting together to solve a problem. It was what they were best at. As Bucky used to say, they were partners in crime.

So Bucky did. He told Steve of when he met Natasha, a young woman, cold and hard under the near lifetime tutelage under the infamous Red Room. He had been assigned to teach her what he knew and was to spar with her so her superior strength could be matched. The beginning was fuzzy to Bucky, but he had a feeling they did not speak much, as they were conditioned to by their masters.

It was only after Natasha had learned from his tutelage and began to match him in skill that the once emotionless Winter Soldier began to feel something for the first time in a long time: fear.

That fear evolved into fascination. There was someone like him an equal in all rights. She could match him in strength, skill, and wit. She was perfect. Natasha came to the same conclusion and… they easily fell in love.

They kept it a secret, knowing the Red Room would see them as compromised but, eventually, they were discovered…

“I can’t remember anything else other than fighting the mind wipe,” Bucky hissed, clutching his head again as if squeezing his skull could pump out his veiled memories. He ground his teeth in frustration.

Steve’s hand had remained on his shoulder to comfort him as he began to relay his story and he tightened his hold to reassure him of his presence.

“I will talk to her Bucky, I will figure out what happened,” Steve stated with conviction.

Bucky smiled gratefully at him with his small, sad smile and whispered, “Thank you, Steve.”

\---

“No,” Natasha growled from her balancing beam as soon as Steve entered the gym with Peter on his hip. His son played with the dog tag on his wrist. Steve left it with him and probably was not going to take it back.

Steve sighed and said, “He just wants to know what happened.”

“And I do not want to relive that part of my past,” Natasha stated, jumping off the beam. She did not meet Steve’s eyes as she strolled past him.

Steve waited, biting down on his lip.

“Jarvis,” Natasha hissed when the elevator did not automatically open. “Open the door.”

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. Sir has instructed me to leave you three locked in there until he or Master Rogers request otherwise,” Jarvis replied.

“Steve,” Natasha growled, turning slowly back to him with enough grace and lethal force akin to a jaguar.

“Natasha,” Steve replied with a level voice, trying to project as much strength as she did.

“Jarvis!” Peter said with a smile, his cheer slicing through the tension like a hot knife through butter.

“Master Parker?” Jarvis questioned and Peter giggled, thinking it all a name game. Natasha’s stance relaxed slightly as she looked at his son.

“He only wants to understand,” Steve said, pinching Peter’s cheek. Peter playfully pushed at his hand and Steve said to Natasha, “He does not remember much so he does not understand your anger.”

“This is none of your business, Steve,” she retorted angrily.

“It is,” Steve replied, shifting his hold on Peter. “First and foremost, you two are my friends. I don’t want this kind of hatred between my friends. And secondly, we’re a team and I’m the leader. I can’t have these kinds of secrets, especially if Bucky stays. It will break apart the team, I can’t have that happen.”

Natasha glared at a spot over his shoulder and clenched her jaw tightly shut.

“Nat—.”

“Steve,” Natasha hissed. She dropped her head and Steve waited. The sound of her voice was what stopped him. It sounded so raw, so human. It was not Natasha. Even Peter stilled in his arms and stared at his aunt with concern. Natasha continued in that voice, stating, “Steve, do you really want to _know_ why I am so angry? Why I do not want to talk to him?”

“Yes, Natasha. I want to know,” Steve whispered, the tone of her voice making him slightly apprehensive.

She lifted her gaze and directed her glare straight at him. She hissed, “It’s because of you, Steve.”

Steve’s head snapped back in shock and Natasha icily explained, “ _You_ are the reason they wiped his mind in the first place because he started to remember _you_. When I joined the Avengers, I did not realize your friend you lost in the war, Sergeant James ‘ _Bucky’_ Buchanan Barnes, was the James I knew. I thought what he was remembering about New York was about a past mission, until he confronted our supervisor about it. I thought they had killed him the night they took him away for remembering something he was not supposed to!” She laughed ironically and gasped, “That’s why I changed my codename to Black Widow because I thought I had lost the only man I could ever love. It was stupid really. I should have known they would just erase him again. A damaged super solider is still better than no super soldier at all!”

She stared to pace and hissed, “When he shot me, years later, without a flicker of recognition I knew they wiped his mind and I knew there was nothing I could do. His body was there but the man I got to know, the man I loved, was still dead. But it still pissed me off enough to join SHIELD…though I never told them my connection to him or that I used to be the Winter Soldier’s companion, the Shadow Soldier.”

“And then when he fought us last year he still did not recognize me BUT he recognized _you_. _You_ who had not been a part of his life for decades, _you_ who had never been his lover, _you,_ Steve. He remembered you but still I held back my indignation. We were fighting Hydra, of course that would bring back memories of that period in his life. And when they wiped his mind again and he did not remember you it did not hurt as much.” Natasha paused and stopped her pacing. She gripped her side where she was scarred by Bucky’s bullet and whispered, “And when he saved you from drowning I felt some glimmer of hope that he might have remembered us both…Because that day he shot me, he also did not kill me. He might have remembered me back then too…

She frowned darkly and said, “But that hope was dashed because he watched us for God knows how long since the helicarriers fell and he came back for _you_ and he only remembered _you_. He remembered you over me. There’s your answer. I am pissed because after all these years and after what we shared because he remembered _you_ long before me. And you are in a relationship with Tony and everyone could see you two are crazy about each other but you still went to James! God, why shouldn’t I be pissed? At you for existing and being so stupid and at him for loving you more than me!? He probably never even loved me.” She spun around and faced the elevator and hissed, “Let me go.”

“Natasha, he told me himself how much he cared for you! He-He does not love me anymore! He fought the mind wipe for you! _He_ —!”

“He did not remember me,” Natasha countered without turning around. She stated, “He remembered you. His subconscious clearly is telling us his true feelings on the matter. Let me go.”

“Natasha, you should not let him remembering me before you convince you that he did not love you. He has no control over this but he’s remembering you now. He remembers his feelings for you and I can see it!”

He paused but Natasha continued to refuse to turn around.

Very quietly, she murmured, “Let me go.”

Steve shoulders drooped as he stared at Natasha’s back.

“Jarvis,” Steve whispered, his tongue heavy. “Natasha can go.”

“Very well,” Jarvis stated and the elevator opened for Natasha.

“Why is it so bad Uncle Bucky remembas you?” Peter asked Steve quietly, after the doors sealed behind Natasha.

“It hurt Aunt Tasha’s feelings,” Steve murmured in explanation. He looked sympathetically up to the camera that was usually Jarvis’s eye but was currently shooting a direct video feed to Bucky. He murmured, “It is no one’s fault but it still hurt her all the same…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again there were influences from the comic book universe but I have dabbled in it, using my artist license (the Shadow Soldier is my creation for example!). 
> 
> One more chapter to go! Tony and Steve seem to be happy but what about Bucky? Will Natasha forgive them? Or will the happy ending only be for one couple? 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments, kudos, and numerous hits so far! This fic has been an emotional rollercoaster and is finally coming to a close! :)


	11. Chapter 11

**One month later…**

“What is that?” Steve gasped, staring up at the giant rabbit sitting next to the couch in the community room. It was so large that its head nearly hit the ceiling. It had a dog collar around its neck and on the tag it said, “Happy Birthday!”

Steve turned to Tony with a frown and stated, “There is no way that is fitting in Peter’s toy chest!”

“Think of it as a party decoration!” Tony said with a grin. The entire floor was decked out in bright steamers and balloons. There was a huge cake with the Avenger’s likeness on it and around the giant bunny were a number of presents.

From his place in Steve’s arms, Peter’s eyes had grown huge and he looked around the room with fascination.

After the events of the last month, Steve had requested a small affair with only family invited. His idea of a small affair was just a cake, Tony’s idea of a small affair however was a little more extreme.

“Wha’ happened?” Peter gasped, peering at the decorations with mounting excitement.

“It’s your birthday, buddy!” Tony exclaimed. “We’re celebrating you!”

Peter’s eyes got bigger and an excited smile split his face. He asked, “I have a birthday?!” Like birthdays were only things that could happen in the cartoons he watched.

“Yes, all this is for you!” Steve said. Peter scrabbled to get out of his hold so Steve put him down. Peter’s ran into the room as fast as is stubby legs could move him, squealing with delight as he parted a mountain of balloons on the floor.

Steve joined Peter in playing with the balloons as Tony went to the kitchen to make some coffee. One by one, the rest of their family arrived.

The first was Bruce. He came in with a small gift and went straight to Peter saying, “Happy birthday!” He hugged Peter and then added his present to the mountain of presents Tony had gotten Peter. He joined Tony in the kitchen to grab a coffee just as Clint and Thor came in.

“CONGRATULATIONS!” Thor exclaimed, making Steve and Peter jump in surprise. Thor swooped in and grasped Peter’s shoulders. He stated proudly, “You are one step closer to becoming a man and a great warrior like your father! Revel in this celebration, my young friend! And may it be the first of many grand events to come throughout your lifetime!”

“Jeez, I have to come in after that?” Clint grumbled as Thor stepped back. He knelt in from on Peter and said, “Happy birthday, little man. Uh, let’s say I inserted an inspiring quote here, remember I am your coolest Uncle, and have an awesome birthday!” Clint rubbed Peter’s head, making his hair stand on end and making Peter laugh.

Clint withdrew a slender package from the inside pocket of his jacket and exclaimed, “Okay Peter! Where do you want it??”

“On top of the bunny!” Peter giggled excitedly.

Clint’s grin reflected Peter’s and he sent his gift flying across the room with a flick of his wrist. It bounced off the wall, behind the giant rabbit, and landed on top of its head.

“Alright!” Clint exclaimed and held out his hand for a high-five. Peter slapped his hand excitedly in response.

Clint and Thor were quickly drawn into Steve and Peter’s game which involved keeping as many balloons off the floor as possible. With three Avengers at Peter’s side, the insurmountable task was made possible and Peter ran between his father and uncles, gleefully helping beneath the ever moving canopy of bulbous rainbows.

Peter almost did not notice his next guest, as Bucky entered silently and stood off to the side. It was only when Steve called out a greeting to his friend did Peter’s head snap in the direction of his newest uncle.

“Uncle Buckyyyy,” Peter squealed and ran to the super soldier. Bucky bent down to catch Peter’s hug and his usually hard expression relaxed.

“Happy birthday, Peter,” Bucky murmured. Steve stopped trying to keep the balloons off the floor and ran over to Bucky and Peter.

“I’m so glad you could come!” Steve gasped. Bucky liked to spend most of his time by himself in the gym or in the library. He had yet to regain all of his memories, though he liked to reminisce with Steve or he went to him when he had a question about something he did not understand. He usually liked to avoid gatherings of three or more and only rarely joined the Avengers for their movie night.

“There was no way in Hell I was going to miss Peter’s birthday,” Bucky said with a grin. His grin fell and he chewed on his lip nervously. He asked, “Wh-where should I put this?” He held up a square box wrapped in newspaper.

“Oh Bucky, you did not have to!” Steve gasped. Bucky gone out for the first time last week by himself. Steve had assumed that he was ready but he must have gotten Peter something. It must have been nerve-wracking to him.

Bucky shrugged and said, “S’no problem.”

Steve grasped his arm with a smile then looked down to his son and said, “Peter, why don’t you show Uncle Bucky what we were just playing?”

“C’mon, Uncle Bucky! Over here! See dese balloons—?! We have to keep them off the floor!”

Steve took Bucky’s gift over to the pile and paused to watch them both as they played. Out of everything SHIELD and Steve provided for Bucky it was nothing in comparison to Peter. His son had completely enamored the Winter Soldier and Bucky was easy to smile whenever Peter was around. He was glad Bucky came.

The Parkers came next, Ben and May picked up Peter and plastered his face in kisses. Sam arrived not long after and Peter enthusiastically greeted the Falcon. Sam visited a few times before the world discovered Peter’s existence and Steve was glad to see Peter remembered him.

Rhodes, Pepper, and Happy came next. Happy was pushed in a wheelchair by Pepper and Tony ran to them as soon as they came in. He hugged all three but hugged Happy the longest. He had just recently woken up from his coma and it still created unabashed joy in Tony to see him awake. Peter greeted Happy similarly and made Happy let Peter sit on his lap as Pepper wheeled him the rest of the way in.

Thor had invited Jane Foster, Lady Sif, and the Warriors three and they entered the room with loud exclamations of congratulations and excitement. Peter hid shyly behind Steve’s leg as the warriors introduced themselves.

Coulson slid in behind them and Peter recognized his Uncle Phil. He ran over to the Director of SHIELD to escape the loud Asgardians. Peter latched onto his leg and said, “Hi, Uncle Phil!”

Coulson’s brows shot up in surprise. He probably thought Peter did not remember him and would be as shy as when they last met. Coulson look awkwardly down to where Peter had attached himself to his leg and said, “Hello Peter. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks!” Peter replied.

“What, no greeting for me?” Natasha asked as she stepped out from behind Coulson. Peter screamed with excitement and launched himself at his aunt. Natasha caught him with a laugh a spun him around.

Steve felt his jaw drop in surprise but he made no attempt to pick it up. He looked across the room to where Bucky had been lounging on the couch next to Clint and saw him sit up straighter with his eyes locked onto the Black Widow.

Since Steve had confronted her, neither Natasha nor Bucky brought up their old relationship. They also did not acknowledge each other’s presence and were rarely in the same room together. Since Bucky spent so much time with them, Peter rarely saw his aunt, hence his excitement.

Steve did not think both of them would attend the party at the same time.

He and Tony exchanged glances. Tony was still in the kitchen. He was no longer making coffee but was now in charge of making the mixed drinks at the bar. Ben and Sam were waiting on him to blend something. Tony shrugged when he caught Steve’s eye as if he was saying, “Maybe things are better.”

Bucky did not relax until Natasha’s eyes passed over him then they went back to pretending each other did not exist.

Steve ventured to Tony’s side and groaned, “I almost thought we were making some progress there for a second.”

Tony bumped him with his hip and stated, “Give them time. They’re Russian, nothing comes easy to them. They like to toil for things, haven’t you read Tolstoy?”

Steve rolled his eyes at Tony’s comment but hoped he was right. He did not let it bother him and ventured back into the thick of the party looking for his son.

Peter had hustled his way into Natasha’s arms and was excitedly telling her about his birthday so far. Natasha listened to his son with a small, peaceful smile.

“It’s good to see you here,” Steve commented as he came to a stop beside her.

Natasha’s eyes flickered to Steve for a second before returning to Peter. She stated, “I would not miss my own Godson’s birthday. And it’s a fun birthday so far, isn’t it?” Natasha asked Peter.

Peter agreed wholeheartedly and begged for Natasha to play with him. Natasha relented and let the three-year-old direct her away.

Natasha and Coulson were the last to arrive and the last to be invited so they soon lit the three red candles on the cake and Steve stole Peter away from his game to carry him to the cake. Everyone began to sing happy birthday in unison and Peter clapped excitedly. When he saw the cake itself, he still and gasped, “That’s for me??”

“Yup and if you blow out all the candles you get to make a wish,” Steve whispered into his ear. Peter inhaled sharply as he took Steve’s words seriously. The song ended and everyone called for Peter to blow out his candles. Steve positioned Peter over the cake and said, “Blow on three. One, two, three!” Steve blew with him and they extinguished all three candles.

“I can make a wish!” Peter whispered excitedly to Steve as if it was a grand secret. Tony pulled back the cake and began to cut it.

Steve whispered to his son, “What do you wish for?”

Peter flushed shyly and murmured, “I wish that I can be with my Papa…And dis will be my home, always.”

Steve kissed his forehead and grasped the back of his head so he could press his lips deep into his flesh. They had lived at the tower for less than a year but it was already home. Steve promised, “Wish granted.” And Peter smiled happily at him.

Between the super soldiers and the Asgardians, the cake was completely devoured quickly. They moved on to the presents next. Steve sat on one of the bunny’s legs with Peter on his lap and together they opened Peter’s gifts.

Tony made Peter a number of new toys, including a new Iron Man action figure to replace the one that had been lost to the wreckage of Air Force One.

Bruce’s gift was a few shirts all with the Hulk and the scientist joked, “Now he can wear more than just Iron Man merchandise.”

“Thief! He was my adorable walking billboard!” Tony hissed.

“Can I get shirts of all the Avengers??” Peter asked excitedly, clutching the hulk shirts to his chest.

“No, Peter, nooo,” Tony wailed.

“Of course, Peter!” Steve replied, ignoring Tony’s theatrics.

“Betrayed by my own boyfriend!” Tony gasped. Steve rolled his eyes at Tony then moved on to the next present.

Thor’s gift was a tiny dagger encrusted with Asgardian sigils and jewels. Steve ran his thumb over the blade and silently determined to keep it out of Peter’s reach until he was much older.

The Parkers gave Peter was the most precious. It was a quilt, hand sewn by May of all of Mary’s old shirts. Peter regarded the blanket made of his mother’s shirts with an unreadable expression. When he learned that most children had a mother and a father, Peter had asked Steve where his was and Steve had to explain how she was gone. His son never asked about her again.

Peter ran his tiny hands gently over the fabric and whispered, “Thank you.”

Steve draped the quilt over Peter’s shoulders and sent out a prayer to Mary and hoped she knew Peter was doing well.

Natasha gifted Peter with a tiny karate uniform.

“You start training with me this Monday, kid,” Natasha stated. Peter gushed over the prospect excitedly and Steve fearfully wondered what kind of training the former assassin had for his son.

Coulson’s gift was a vintage, first edition Captain America comic sealed in a frame.

“Is that you, Papa?” Peter asked in wonder, lightly touching the glass.

“That it is,” Steve replied. “We should put this about your bed. How does that sound?”

“Good!”

“Okay, good!” Steve replied. To Coulson, he said, “Thank you, I can’t imagine how much this is worth!”

“I thought it best that the son of Captain America possess at least one reputable article of his father’s memorabilia,” Coulson stated, nodding his head forward to accept his thanks.

Everyone else’s gifted Peter with toys, all of which his son loved.

Eventually, they came across Bucky’s gift, the plainest out of them all, wrapped in newspaper just as he used to wrap the gifts he got for Steve in the 40s.

“It’s nothing much,” Bucky murmured self-consciously.

Peter opened it and pulled out the round object. He stared at it blankly then asked, “What is it?”

“Oh my God,” Steve gasped, his voice laced with a combination of horror and restricted laughter. He explained, “This is a baseball Peter and no son of mine will not know what it is! Thank you, Bucky! We’ll make a Dodger fan out of him yet!”

“The Dodgers aren’t here anymore, you know that…” Tony teased.

“Do not remind me,” Bucky groaned.

“They are in California! We can still root for them from across the country,” Steve reasoned stubbornly.

No one noticed that one present remained unopened as the sports lovers began to debate Dodgers vs. Yankees.

Steve placed Peter down on the ground, expecting him to play with his new toys. He kissed the side of his cheek and murmured, “I love you.”

He stood and eagerly added his input as he, Bucky, Sam, and Clint all provided different views on the matter. Tony, not much of a sports lover, called for a toast for the birthday boy, drawing the other adults to the kitchen for more alcohol.

No more than a minute could have passed before Steve’s eyes automatically scanned for his son and he did not find him. The spot he left him in only had the quilt and his toys.

Steve excused himself from the conversation and went to the kitchen, where the others had gathered, to see if Peter was there.

“Steve!” Tony gasped happily when he saw him. “We’re going to have a toast. Do you think Peter could handle a wine glass full of apple juice?”

“If you help him,” Steve replied. He quickly scanned the group and did not see his son. A prickling of unease started at the base of his spine and he left the kitchen without another word. He looked to the base of the bunny again but his son was still not there. Steve jogged across the room and looked into the other rooms and saw no trace of him.

The prickling at the base of his spine had evolved into a stabbing fear that cut its way into his gut. With a racing heart, he ran back into the main room and quickly scanned the room, hoping Peter had crawled under the coffee table or had been hidden by some balloons but his son was nowhere to be seen.

“Steve?” Bucky asked, noticing his odd behavior. Clint and Sam both stopped talking and eyed him with concern.

“Peter,” was all he needed to say and all three men looked to the bunny and saw him gone. Clint ran down the hall behind Steve to double check the rest of the floor and Sam ran to the others. Bucky looked like he was going to be sick.

“Damnnit Sam, that was not funny. You almost gave me a heart attack,” Tony gasped from across the room. Steve looked to him and saw Tony and the others had pooled out of the kitchen. They all were looking above Steve’s head so he followed their gazes.

On top of the rabbit’s head his son held up the present Clint had thrown up there and asked, “Can I open dis one?”

Steve exhaled loudly in relief and hovered worriedly beneath the rabbit. Peter was just out of reach and fairly high up. He gasped, “How on Earth did you get up there?”

“I crawled,” Peter replied. “…So can I open it?”

“We need to get you down first!” Steve replied. Thor could fly but that was only because of the explosive force of his hammer, could he float up to Peter? Or did they have to get a ladder?

Peter jumped off the back of the rabbit’s head before Steve could finish the thought.

“Peter!?” Steve hissed, jumping forward to catch him.

But Peter caught himself on the wall as he crawled down it like the forces of gravity held no meaning to him. He must have crawled up the wall the same way and had done so behind the rabbit, which was why Steve had originally not seen him.

Someone inhaled sharply behind him and dropped a glass but Steve did not turn to see who.

Peter made it safely to the ground and he crawled over to his quilt then asked, “Can I open it now?”

“P-Peter,” Steve garbled. “How long have you been able to do that?”

“Do what?”

Bruce stepped up next to Steve and they both traded confused and ashen expressions. Bruce wasted no time and knelt next to Peter and he elaborated, “Crawl on the walls. No one else can do that, Peter.” Bruce picked up one of Peter’s hands and ran his fingers over the palm of his hand as he squinted at the flesh.

“Uncle Tony can do it,” Peter retorted and everyone turned to Tony.

“Anti-gravitational boots!” Tony quickly stated. “I tested them out last week!”

Steve looked back to Bruce and Bruce supplied, “Unless some super villain cursed him, this has to be an effect of the gamma-radiation.”

Steve picked Peter up, wrapping him in his quilt, and Peter continued to hold onto the slender gift from Clint. Steve said, “Then we are going to your labs right now!”

Steve and Bruce ran over to the elevator and the rest of the party tried to follow.

“Everyone stay here,” Tony said. “Jarvis will keep you informed.”

Their friends did as they were told, even though most did it begrudgingly, and Steve, Peter, Bruce, and Tony made their way down to the lab.

As they went down, Peter tried again, “Can I open it _now_?”

“Not without Uncle Clint to watch,” Steve replied, making Peter sigh. Steve asked him, “How long have you been able to crawl on walls?”

Peter shrugged, and frowned down at the present as he said, “My hands always get sticky.”

“Sticky?” Steve asked, grasping one of Peter’s hands to feel the texture, it felt normal. The only time he could remember his hands feeling sticky was when they were covered in jelly.

“It not sticky now,” Peter said. “Like dis, Papa.”

Steve suddenly could not rub his fingers against Peter’s hand anymore. They were stuck. It was not sticky, he just could not move them. It was as if he and Peter were connected by two extremely strong magnets.

“You can control it!” Bruce gasped excitedly.

“Try not to drool Bruce,” Tony commented dryly and he eyed Peter’s hands speculatively.

The elevator opened and the three of them walked quickly over to Bruce’s labs.

Bruce immediately took skin samples, simple scrapings that did not draw blood. Peter only murmured in discomfort.

They put Peter’s hand underneath a microscope and had him make it “sticky” so Bruce can watch the process. When it happened, Bruce shot back from the microscope with wide eyes and an excited grin.

“This is amazing!” Bruce gasped. He pulled up his holo-files, the glowing holographs portrayed Bruce’s personal files on Peter, the older Hydra files from when he was first born, and his research on spiders. He went into the spider files and started looking through the collections. He pulled up images of spider legs and microscopic views of the limbs. Bruce looked at the images, starting to shake in his excitement, then raced back to the microscope to look at Peter’s hand again.

“He has setae!” Bruce gasped, turning to the others with the upmost excitement.

“…Okay, even I speak science and that word escapes me,” Tony murmured, crossing his arms over his chest.

Bruce flushed slightly and explained, “It’s…It’s spider hair, well it’s not limited to spiders specifically, other insects and geckos and such have it as well, but Peter has it too! It’s how he is able to crawl on the walls! The hairs are not like ours, the bristles create a kind of magnetic attraction with nearby particles so he could, in Peter’s terms, ‘stick’ to the walls!”

Bruce gently moved Peter’s arm so he could view Peter’s forearm under the microscope. Bruce commented, “It looks like it is all over his body…” He moved Peter’s hand back under the scope and commented, “But it looks most prevalent on his hands…I can’t believe I never noticed this earlier. This did not happen overnight. Peter, how long have you been able to, uh, make your hands ‘sticky?’”

“I don’ know,” Peter shrugged and shifted his hold on Clint’s gift.

“Have you been able to do since you first moved here?” Bruce inquired.

Peter’s gaze turned inward and he whispered, “I always could do it…even when I was with the mean people.”

Steve instinctly reached out and grasped Peter. Peter rarely spoke of his time with Hydra but when he did he called them the “mean people.”

“…Can we go back to my birthday?” Peter asked sullenly and he frowned at his unopened gift.

Steve looked nervously from his son to Bruce. Tony asked for him, “So Bruce, what does this mean for Peter? Is he going to be alright?”

Bruce smirked and asked, “Remember the codename Hydra gave Peter? Well I think he is going to be more than alright. In fact, when he’s older and wants to join the Avengers, I think it would be more than appropriate for him to use that old codename and call himself ‘Spiderman’…”

“I can be in the Avengers?!” Peter gasped excitedly, all his sullen emotions about Hydra were immediately dashed.

“I call dibs on making the uniform!” Tony exclaimed, fist pumping the air.

“There is no way you are joining the Avengers,” Steve countered. The last thing Steve wanted was for his son to risk his life as a superhero. He always envisioned Peter living a relatively normal life and never using his powers other than lifting the couch off the ground to look for the remote.

He picked Peter up and his son frowned at him. Peter whined, “Poppppsss.”

Steve grinned when Peter did not use the simple syllable utterance of “Papa.” Peter never before could call him “Pops.” Steve hugged him tightly and affectionately murmured, “Stop growing up.”

Tony chuckled and stated, “I always wondered why he called you ‘Papa.’ It’s for Pops? Why not Dad?”

“My father died when I was young so my Pops, my grandfather, helped raise me. I wanted to emulate him,” Steve replied.

“…You are as freaking adorable as your son,” Tony commented, making Steve flush. Tony stepped up to them and kissed Peter’s forehead then grabbed Steve’s collar and dragged him into a quick kiss on the lips. Steve’s chest swelled with a pleasant warm sensation.

When Tony pulled away, Steve’s thoughts escaped him on a rush of that content warm air, saying, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Pops,” Tony retorted with a sly smile. He grasped Steve’s bicep and said, “Let’s go back to the party and open that present!”

“Yes!” Peter gasped, lifting a single fist in the air, imitating the move Tony had made earlier.

“May I please steal Peter tomorrow for some tests?” Bruce asked, moving in tandem with Steve as Tony began to drag him away.

“Ask Peter,” Steve replied, tilting his son toward Bruce.

“Only for ice cream,” Peter retorted, making Bruce’s jaw drop and Steve and Tony laugh.

“The monger!” Tony scoffed between chuckles.

“He learned that from you!” Steve gasped amid his laughter.

Tony grasped Peter’s arm and said, “You may grow up to be as strong as your Pops but you are going to grow up as awesome as your Uncle Tony!”

They came to a stop in the elevator and it began to rise without their beckoning.

Steve smiled warmly at Tony and leaned himself and Peter toward him and Tony replied with a warm smile of his own. He tilted his head up to nuzzle his face against Steve’s and he reached out and placed a hand on Peter, creating a triangle of their upper bodies.

Steve was surround by love, surrounded by his family, and surrounded by their warmth.

Steve silently corrected Tony in his mind.

_No, Peter is going to grow up as strong as his Pops and as awesome as his Dad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! It's done! 
> 
> Thank you again everyone who has read, left kudos, commented, bookmarked, and subscribed! It's things like that, that encourages me to keep writing and make my day! :)
> 
> Now...I know what you're thinking, what's going on with Bucky and Nat??? Well this series will have two more parts (maybe three...) so the tension between these two will eventually be resolved!  
> Additionally, Steve and Tony are going to grow closer and eventually live up to their Super Husbands tag (hint hint hint!!)!  
> And Peter is going to grow up, no more toddler speak or crawling from now on! :) 
> 
> Thanks again for reading, as always, I will post a chapter in a week!


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